Chapter 233 – Nathan Evenhart's Sun
Nathan Evenhart:
It had been days since I returned to the castle, and I spent most of my time in the infirmary. Chloe had finally stabilized enough to no longer require constant healing magic, though she was still under observation. She remained submerged up to her neck in a special healing water, its restorative properties reinforced hourly by a water mage, while the healing potion worked from within.
Martha, our most skilled healer, monitored her recovery tirelessly, and even Cylla was helping. Although Cylla couldn't heal, she possessed the ability to detect damage simply by touching someone, allowing us to track the progress of Chloe's recovery. Chloe remained asleep, drained by both her injuries and mana depletion. The limit she had exceeded to summon her Soul Golem had been dangerous, as her compatibility with the living mana gem was still incomplete. A powerful spell like that could be fatal for a mage who doesn't fully control their mana, and she had known the risks when she made the summoning.
Approaching Chloe's bed, I murmured, "I should have been there with you… I'm sorry." I kissed her forehead gently, the weight of guilt pressing heavily on me.
Her body, still healing slowly, bore the marks of battle. Her mana was gradually being restored, but her wounds were severe. She remained in a critical state, unconscious, as her body struggled to repair itself and replenish its mana reserves.
I then moved to the stone bed where Kinue rested. She woke occasionally but quickly drifted back to sleep, the result of physical exhaustion and the strain of transforming into her beast form. Her resilience as a demi-human, coupled with mana reinforcement, had allowed her to survive the explosion, and shifting forms had prevented further damage to her human body. However, her inexperience in fully controlling this transformation meant the deep sleep dominated her recovery.
I looked at the burns and wounds on her body, my heart tightening. Her ear, once partially destroyed, had already been restored. The flesh on her arm, which had been partially obliterated, was slowly regenerating. Like Chloe, Kinue was submerged in the healing water, receiving half a dose of healing potion daily. Fortunately, she was no longer in life-threatening condition; now, it was only a matter of waiting for her body to complete the healing process.
For now, they were safe, but seeing them so fragile and wounded filled me with a deep ache.
"I didn't know…" I murmured, a knot forming in my throat. "I didn't know you felt inferior for not being human."
Gently, I brushed Kinue's hair away from her forehead, revealing part of her face. The burns on her right cheek were still visible, though I could see that the healing potion was working. Soon, there would be no trace of her injuries.
"Even while hurt, you tried to hide this wound on your face, afraid that I'd see it…" I continued, my voice faltering. "You're my dear friend. I'm sorry I didn't notice your feelings sooner…"
I looked at Kinue and Chloe, both asleep, and felt a coldness pierce my heart. They had fought to survive, and I had done nothing. A suffocating sense of helplessness overwhelmed me. For the first time in a long while, I allowed part of what I kept buried within me to surface.
"I'm terrified of this new life of mine…" I admitted in a whisper, the words heavier than I'd expected. "One of my greatest fears is becoming feared again. That's what terrifies me most: people being afraid of me. I remember how it was… the time when I couldn't walk the streets without people running from me or kneeling, begging for mercy."
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of each word. It was both a relief and a painful confession.
"I'm deeply afraid that time will return, that people will once again see me as the embodiment of evil. I fear no one will want to stay near me because of that constant fear, just like before. I withdrew from everyone because I hated seeing people run or bow before me. No one ever talks about it… about the weight that comes with power. They all trembled, pissed themselves in fear, and didn't even need to see me up close. Just sensing my presence from afar was enough to make them kneel."
I stepped closer to the two of them, gazing at their wounded faces. Even in the stillness, the fear of loss consumed me.
"I'm terrified of being feared again… but what scares me more is losing you," I confessed, knowing that more than ever, I couldn't let that happen.
I looked at Chloe and Kinue's sleeping faces, their fragile states a stark contrast to the growing weight inside me. An ancient fury, long buried, began to stir.
"Those days are behind me…" I murmured, letting the words take shape in the air. "But today… I'll allow myself to return to old habits. Today, I want people to fear me."
My voice solidified, transforming all my emotions into pure hatred. "Today, I want them to kneel and cry blood just from being in my presence. Today, I want them to understand the mistake they made in daring to think they could hurt my family."
I took one last look at them, my breathing heavy.
"You are my sun. And today, those people will know the true weight of facing the wrath of a god."
Without looking back, I walked out of the room. The rage I had once feared now became my ally.
Today, the Nathan Evenhart who feared being feared would give way to something far darker.
***
I entered the room, and as usual, Cylla was there, perched on the bed, watching me in her moon panther cub form. I closed the door behind me, the weight in my chest heavier than ever. Over the past few days, activity in the Wolves' fortress had grown suspicious. Nikolaus was gathering an army alongside the nobles who feared our retaliation. The kingdom had yet to respond, and in their desperation, they were willing to fight to the bitter end.
"Nate..." Cylla called softly, her voice gentle yet laden with concern, as I sat on the bed.
Those familiar eyes observed me, and for a moment, the comfort her presence always brought tried to ease my tension. But the decision I needed to make wasn't going to be easy. I looked at my closest companion, the one who had been by my side since I was five years old. I moved closer and sat on the bed.
"Cylla, I don't want you to come with me," I said firmly.
"What? Why?" She stood up quickly and moved closer to me.
"I don't want you to go to battle. I want you to stay here," I repeated, trying to hold onto my resolve.
She leapt onto my lap, insistent. "No! I want to go with you!"
I knew what I needed to say, even though it pained me. "I'm forbidding you from coming or following me."
"No! Why are you doing this? I love you! I want to protect you!" she retorted, her wide eyes filled with confusion and hurt.
With a heavy heart, I gently lifted her from my lap, trying to stay firm. "If you disobey me, I'll be disappointed in you."
"I don't care! I'll go anyway!" Cylla argued, her stubbornness unwavering.
I sighed, meeting her distressed gaze. "I'm doing this for your own good. You're not going. I'm forbidding it. If you truly love me, don't go. If you do… everything will be over. Our friendship will be over."
She fell silent, sensing the gravity of my words, and tears began to stream from her eyes. "Why? Why are you doing this to me, Nathan? Am I… am I not important to you? You're my beloved..."
"I'm doing this because you are important to me." I moved closer, seeing the pain reflected in the tears she tried to hide.
I sighed, feeling the weight of the hurt she carried.
"One day, Nathan Evenhart will die," I began, my voice low but resolute. Cylla looked at me, surprised and distressed. "One day, I'll leave this world, and I hope it will be from old age. I'm human, Cylla. Your kind lives far longer. I'll leave, but you'll remain."
Tears began to flow down her face, her eyes filled with anguish.
"Why, Nathan? Why are you telling me this? You're hurting me..." she whispered, her voice trembling with pain.
"But it's the truth." I sat beside her, hoping my words would provide some comfort. "I will die… it's the cycle of nature. But you'll still be here. And I want you to stay with my family. I want you to care for my children, my grandchildren, everyone who comes after me. I don't want you to be alone in this world. We both know how much it hurts to be lonely. That's why I need you to stay. I don't want your existence to be discovered."
Her tears were falling freely now, but I had to continue.
"I want you to live here, being a grandmother to my children. When I'm gone, Cylla, you'll be the one to keep my memory alive in your heart."
I stood, walking toward the door, my voice beginning to falter under the weight of what I was about to say.
"But for that to happen, I need you to stay safe. I need humans to remain unaware of your existence. If you love me, please… respect what I'm asking. I love you too, Cylla. And I can't let anyone discover you."
I left the room, my heart heavy as I heard her sobs behind me. I paused for a moment, my hand still on the doorknob, and murmured softly to myself.
"You're my sun too… and I don't want you to see the darkness I'm about to unleash."