Well, there's one thing I realized on my travels leaving the village: everything here is basically edible. Yeah, I talked to myself as I continued to eat the most vile and disgusting thing I've ever tasted. My poor mortal tongue has touched this disgusting and vile dried fish or whatever this is. It tastes like scorpion, water, fish, and cardboard.
"Okay, I'm coming up against a town." Yeah, I'm saying it like I'm going to fight them because I am. I'm gonna show them that I am immortal and unbreakable, and I know all languages. They're going to think I'm a god, and I'm going to tell them I'll destroy the whole town if they don't feed me good food. If they still don't understand, I'll teach them how to make food. What could go wrong?
Well, as you can tell, I didn't foresee what did go wrong. Quite literally everything. Now they think I'm a god of food, destruction, and mortality. Well, isn't that just troublesome? I'm going to be like a celebrity now. Anyway, I'm getting my best friend named Jeremy to gather all the materials I need. I described each material I need: herbs, oregano, garlic, onions, and tomatoes. Turns out they don't know what tomatoes are. Maybe they don't exist yet. Problems for later.
I want to make a pizza. I described how to make cheese. They seemed a bit confused, but let's just say that rudimentary cheesemaking was not very successful. I had to make the cheese myself. Well, anyway, it took a while. They had to get oregano, garlic, and all the stuff for pizza dough. It looked like a good memory. Then I told them to build me an oven, and I finally made pizzas. They were quite interested in why I was so determined to make it.
"This pizza," I told them, "is the food of the gods. So delicious and so good for you that it can make a mortal feel divine." Let's just say they were pretty excited, considering the fact that I am, well, you know, immortal. Every person who is basically royalty here is hitting me up, saying, "Hey, can we join in this festivity, please?" It's like the saying, "The life of pizza." I'm not gonna regret this later. Not at all.
"My lord, may I please speak with you?"
"Yes, what is it, peasant?"
"A whole bunch of armed guards appeared at our gate."
"What did they say?"
"They want to test your immortality and indestructibility."
"Well, let's see if they can."
I grabbed a sword and a spear. It turns out there were a little more than a few guards—a small army, actually. Well, I got straight into battle, basically like Madara versus the Shinobi Alliance, running straight into the army, reckless and unrestrained. Because I'm indestructible, and if they did somehow hurt me, I could just regenerate. That's how I got the title of the God of Destruction, I said to myself as I looked at the well-decimated battlefield. All those martial arts training sessions I did in modern times really paid off. Since I didn't have to dodge or block at all, it made my fighting style pretty terrifying because all it was was attack. I already had the perfect defense, so I just went for the perfect attack. They didn't even stand a chance against me. Anyway, my pizza kingdom continues to build. I shall rule over all, I thought to myself.
What I didn't know was that Sesheru, the guy who started Egypt, was planning an attack, and my pizza kingdom was on his list, to say the least. It seems like I said I'll be the first pharaoh. Well, I'm immortal, so I think I can withstand those chumps. My pizza kingdom continued to grow. We had a monarchy which consisted of me and a few smart, elderly people who do not compare to me. I taught them in the modern ways how to make weapons using metal forging techniques. Let's just say my kingdom is the most technologically advanced. I can say that with confidence.
One day, while I was sitting on my throne, thinking about our progress, suddenly a peasant burst through the doors while the guards tried to stop him.
"My lord, something has happened."
Sorry for leaving you with a cliffhanger, but good night for now. See you tomorrow