Any person believes that if he does not see somebody's face or a familiar place for a long time, the memories of it will gradually wear out and fade. But as soon as they notice a suspiciously familiar silhouette in the crowd or accidentally stumble upon the view that used to be dear to the heart, all those moments falsely erased from the memory like tiny pieces of ice on the water's surface, emerge in mind.
Wu Zhe Kai thought he had forgotten everything; had buried inside himself the terrifying years that left their brand on him. He thought that he had learned to live on, to keep on without waking up of painful nightmares and a ravenous feeling of guilt. It appeared, that all this was just a mere illusion he cherished for many years.
The wobbly legs forced the weakened body to collapse on the knees in a bow. That was a mere instinct, and the young man barely had time to put his palms up, to save his forehead from a hit on the floor. A small trembling breaks out from within, intensifying when he hears leisurely footsteps nearby.
– You may rise.
The strict voice strokes Wu Zhe Kai like thunder. An overwhelming element; a force beyond the control of man; power which made everyone tremble and revere.
The healer had to find the remnants of strength to rise slowly. Head lowered, eyes averted. Not even thinking about the possibility of looking at the person on the throne.
– When will the new batch be ready?
– Your Majesty...
The healer swallowed. He didn't want to reply, but for some reason, his lips uttered the answer. A respectful pose – bowed and humble – did not allow one to see the counterpart's face. The only thing Wu Zhe Kai saw was the hem of the dragon robes and the toes of the shoes. This was enough to understand the status of the person in front of him. It seemed that with just one glance that man was able to open up the ground under one's feet.
– This Wu Zhe Kai begs His Majesty for forgiveness. After using the medicine, many soldiers suffer from pain. It is too dangerous...
– How much time do you need?
The tone became more controlling, and the healer heard a blow from a fist lowered onto the armrest of the throne. The young man fell to his knees again, showing respect for the Emperor with his whole appearance. Beads of sweat beading on his pale forehead rolled down his face, but Zhe Kai discreetly lowered his chin to the chest to prevent a stray drop from falling onto the spotless floor.
– This Wu Zhe Kai admits his fault and asks His Majesty for a well-deserved punishment!
For some time the room got silent, making the healer understand that his fate was being decided once again. He couldn't even remember how many similar moments he had lived through. However, despite his fear, he knew that he would not die. He had an irreplaceable ace up his sleeve, which invariably helped him keep his head on his shoulders.
– Leave us and go back to your work. Next time we want to hear good news.
– This Wu Zhe Kai thanks His Majesty for his mercy!
The young man made a kowtow and hurried to get to his feet. He wanted to leave the throne room as fast as possible, but he failed. He tried again and again, but his petrified body would not allow it. Wu Zhe Kai looked down in fear. The marble floor was melting like inkstone. That made the healer look up and around.
There was no Emperor and no throne room anymore.
Only a complete darkness...
And the emerald eyes that watched him from the depths of that endless abyss.
Wu Zhe Kai floundered like a limp puppet, trying to pull his hands out of the marble that was sucking him in, but his actions only sped up the process.
His tear-filled gaze dropped down.
A wild, heartbreaking scream enveloped the dark space when Wu Zhe Kai saw his reflection. His face was covered in blood flowing from open, deep cuts. It flowed down the neck and chest in scarlet drops saturating the sleeves of his hanfu. Wu Zhe Kai's voice broke, but he didn't try to call for help.
He knew well – no one would come for him.
He was not wanted.
He was not needed.
He always will be…
The young man closed his eyes in resignation. He was full of guilt, full of sin, so to disappear was the best he could do. He should have done this a long time ago, then many innocent people could have continued living a serene life.
Wu Zhe Kai bit his lip and prepared to accept the end. He felt tired. So tired. He had no more strength to fight. He was ready to surrender to the merciless darkness.
And it is at this moment when the desire for life was measured in grains, Wu Zhe Kai felt a sharp jerk back. Strong and powerfull, pulling him out of the irrevocable abyss.
***
– Why won't he wake up? Didn't it work?
– You dare doubt my abilities, naughty child! Stuck that grass deeper into his nostrils! Why are you treating him like an innocent virgin?
– Elder, please, cease your anger.
Strange voices, familiar and yet alien, shackled Wu Zhe Kai's blurry consciousness, making him wince in a desire to brush off the loud sounds. Someone diligently disturbed his long-awaited peace with their furious arguments. It was already difficult to breathe through the nose, but it became even worse when an incomprehensible sensation in the nostrils intensified, causing a tickling itch.
Zhe Kai could no longer endure such mockery and sneezed loudly without even having time to open his eyes.
Such an action silenced the voices, but not for long, because the desired result only led to greater excitement.
– See? I told you so! Don't you dare doubt me next time!
– Forgive me, Elder.
– It's amazing! This is the first time I've seen someone scold Yu Ming like that.
Wu Zhe Kai frowned, helplessly realizing that he had no other option but to look at the people around him.
He had already recognized the voices.
His long eyelashes fluttered and his eyelids lifted, catching the faint scattering light and the slight rustle of leaves. He was lying in the shadow of a tree, for the bright rays did not blind him in his slumber.
– Lao Wu.
A voice heard nearby was accompanied by a light touch on the shoulder, forcing him to turn his head in the direction of the speaker.
Jin Yu Ming's blank face did not express any emotions, but somehow Wu Zhe Kai realized that the man's worries eased when he saw how the healer reacted to his voice.
– What happened... – started the rescued man, but coughed on the last word.
– Wu Zhe Kai, don't speak. You need to rest.
The pleasant voice, which Wu Zhe Kai had not heard for a long time, made him flinch, turning in the opposite direction from Yu Ming.
– Hao Ning, you... – the question about the well-being of his precious friend stuck in his throat, giving way to surprise and the desire to laugh indecently loudly. – What's in your nose?
The squatting scholar smiled awkwardly and touched the tip of his nose with a finger. Small tufts of grass protruded from his nostrils.
– Zhe Kai, you have the same thing in your nose too.
The confusion in Hao Ning's voice forced the healer to look at the people gathered around him. Everyone, but for Yu Ming, had something plugged into their nostrils. Well, Wu Zhe Kai had seen many a thing in his life, though Wei Huan's stern face, coupled with something like that, made the young man burst into wild laughter, which he had no strength to restrain.
– Elder, did he go insane? – asked Jin Yu Ming.
Wu Qing Yan waved his hand in response.
– Aren't we all here alike? – he pulled out his staff and not hard, but noticeably hit Wu Zhe Kai on the head. – Stop yelling, you'll decoy here all the nearby beasts. And save your strength. It's a wonder you still have some left. You there, grab him, and let's get out of here. The effect of The Thorn-apple is strong and can soon overwhelm the smell of herbs.
The three men nodded obediently to the assignment. Hao Ning and Wei Huan helped Wu Zhe Kai to rise and placed him on Jin Yu Ming's back. After that the wanderers hurried to leave the unwelcome place.
***
Due to the knowledge of Wu Qing Yang, it was not difficult to get out of the forest, and therefore the friends soon settled down at the foot of one of the mountains, next to a small waterfall. That was just in time, because Wu Zhe Kai finally sensed an unpleasant odor emanating from him. Moreover, he perfectly understood its source. Fortunately, apart from this little trouble and the noticeably wasted energy, the healer was not injured in any way. Though even despite the resistance, Hao Ning insisted on sharing spiritual energy with him.
Wei Huan did the same for Jin Yu Ming.
Wu Qing Yan enjoyed the pleasant breeze while standing near the water. It was the look at the strong figure of the old man that made Wu Zhe Kai break the silence.
– Elder, let this one thank you, – said the healer, respectfully folding his palms in front of him. – On our way to this place Hao Ning told us about you. This one thanks you for helping his friends. They could have put themselves in danger if they decided to save me and Lao Jin without your guidance, – Wu Zhe Kai bowed his head. – And I also apologize for the fact that as a healer I made a grave mistake in not understanding the purpose of the herbs you used. They cleansed my smell from the intoxicating mushrooms.
– The past is past, – Wu Qing Yan waved away the healer's words. – I didn't even have to do anything. It was the naughty child who saved you.
– The naughty child?
– Lao Jin. – Hao Ning explained with a smile, without looking up. – He fought up the toxin and woke up much earlier than we arrived. Obviously, he started looking for you, and was even able to send destress message. The chances that we were nearby, and that we would notice him, or that anyone would respond were extremely small, but Jin Yu Ming took a chance and won.
Wu Zhe Kai glanced at the warrior who was sitting in a meditative pose and smiled with the corners of his lips.
– He was able to wake up himself? Amazing.
– They say that the more hidden thoughts you have, the greater the likelihood of falling under the influence of mushrooms, plunging into illusions, and not waking up is, – Wu Qing Yan scratched the back of his head with the top of his staff. – At the same time, the person continues to be awake.
Wu Zhe Kai nodded before whispering his next words:
– You found me in the swamp, right?
Jin Yu Ming answered instead of the elder.
– Yes.
The healer bowed his head dejectedly, not knowing what else could be said. Fortunately, Hao Ning did not allow the oppressive silence to hang in the air. The scholar's voice was quiet, cautious, and soft. He chose his words very carefully, trying not to press, but expressing genuine interest.
– Wu Zhe Kai, what thoughts made you succumb to the intoxication so fast?
– You want to know my story, don't you?
– I do not insist.
– It makes no difference anyway, – the healer gave out a sigh. – You have the right to ask and the right know. I don't think I can continue pretending to be a mysterious person any longer. There are plenty of them here.
Wei Huan, who was sitting nearby, did not reply, but the corner of his lips rose in a slight grin. Wu Zhe Kai sat more comfortably, interlocking his fingers and looking up at the stream of water rapidly falling from the cliff. Revealing his soul was hard, but he didn't want to carry that burden alone anymore. His deep sigh gave away his decision.
– I was the Imperial Healer during the reign of His Majesty Xi Yong Zhao.
Wei Huan and Yu Ming did not express their surprise, but Wu Qing Yang turned to the speaker with interest. Hao Ning also clarified, leaning slightly to the side to see his friend's face.
– So that's why you were so surprised when I mentioned the current Emperor, Xi Zhao Guo?
– Certainly. At that time, His Majesty, more interested in conquering minor provinces and destroying the enemies, was only planning to get an heir, – Wu Zhe Kai shook his head. – It seems I started the story too dramatically, let me rephrase. I never had an ambition to reach a position as high as that. Since childhood, all I dreamed of was a small store and a clinic in which I could help people. How can someone from a simple peasant family wish for anything more? Compared to my friends I was neither bright nor intelligent. However, his goal was to serve in the Imperial Army.
With those words fell, Hao Ning caught a glimpse of how Wei Huan's shoulders tensed, and he began to listen to the story more carefully. The scholar barely saw Yu Ming poorly, but for some reason, he did not doubt that the man, too, was immersed in the story with great interest.
– I didn't try to destroy my friend's dream... Helped him in everything... In difficult training, in confusing texts, in treating endless wounds... In the end, this led him to a tournament organized to entertain the crowd. For me, it didn't seem like something serious, even if the Emperor was planning to be there. But for him... – Wu Zhe Kai couldn't help but smile. – Let's just say this was his chance. Long story short, he passed. But my presence within the walls of the palace? I guess I'll call it a "coincidence". I attended the same tournament but with my friend's support. If I had gone to the arena, I would have just made the people laugh.
Wu Zhe Kai twirled the edge of his wet, dirty hanfu. His gaze noticeably dimmed and his voice became quiet, but he continued anyway.
– Now I think that it would be better to play the role of a jester, and not try to take on the role of a self-confident hero. The thing is, I've always had a good understanding of herbs. I mixed them, tried different formulas, and tried to create recipes that no one had made before. And for the tournament, just in case, I took one of these healing ointments. What do you think happened next, Xiao Hao?
The healer turned his head slightly to look at his friend over his shoulder. Hao Ning sighed, interrupting the transfer of energy for a little rest.
– Was this ointment good enough to make the Emperor notice you?
– This ointment indeed was good enough to make the Emperor notice me, – echoed Wu Zhe Kai. – The wounds I applied ointment to, were healed almost instantly. Albeit not deep, only superficial, but that was enough. That's how I ended up in the Palace. Here you might think that this one was probably sent to work as a mere assistant, so that, in the end, after many years of work and effort, his childhood dream of healing would come true...
Wu Zhe Kai changed his position, sitting facing Hao Ning and, smiling sadly at his friend, shook his head.
– Nothing like this happened, I assure you. The Emperor ordered me to come up with the medicines for the army as soon as possible. At first, I didn't see anything bad in this. I considered it an honor. Just think of it! I was entrusted with such a responsible task! Moreover, that was what I wanted to do. However… At some point, everything turned topsy-turvy. His Majesty began more and more often sent me to treat soldiers on the border, – Zhe Kai shrugged. – I don't even know why he became so unkind to me, for charming is my middle name...
With a burst of fake laughter, the healer tried to defuse the tensive situation, but an angry look from Wu Qing Yang and his menacing swing of the staff forced him to continue his story.
– In general, my usual life, filled with herbs, was replaced by the smell of blood, death, and rot. Healers do everything to help those in need. It's a demanding and hard job that can easily overwhelm you, especially if you haven't prepared yourself in advance for the pieces of protruding flesh, severed limbs, and the ever-present scarlet color. All-consuming scarlet.
Zhe Kai swallowed but smiled painfully and gratefully when Jin Yu Ming transferred him some spiritual energy instead of Hao Ning. Wei Huan and Hao Ning did not interfere but were supportively present nearby.
– I wanted to run away many times, but I didn't flee, even though it was very difficult. Most likely, my only hobby – creating new medicine – helped me a lot. I didn't stop doing this even after becoming the Imperial Army Healer. And this is why I hate myself most of all.
Wu Zhe Kai bit his lip, holding back the anger rising within him. The calm gaze of Jin Yu Ming looking at him slightly dulled this flaming feeling. Wei Huan watched the two of them intently, keeping his hand on Hao Ning's shoulder. After a slight pause, Zhe Kai continued his long, sad story.
– Once I created... a medicine. An amazing white powder that can revive strength even in the exhausted person. That can lift a warrior to his feet, and bestow him with unprecedented power. But the consequences of its use... were horrific, – Wu Zhe Kai closed his eyes. – For everyone, I became almost a long-awaited chance to change the course of the war. And no one wanted to listen to me. No one. His Majesty considered my warnings to be simple modesty and took responsibility for people's lives as devotion. He instructed me to improve the powder, make it deadlier though more powerful. It also should have last longer. He ordered me, the healer, to finish the white poison that killed people.
Wu Zhe Kai took a deep breath. His story was slowly coming to an end. And despite his restored energy, he looked much weaker and paler than before. Painful memories gnawing him from inside.
– I couldn't disobey but tried to delay the inevitable as long as possible. Of course, this could not last forever. One day the powder was ready, and I was sent to the main border camp. My friend was assigned there too. This fool...
Wu Zhe Kai fell silent again. The thought of that man was more difficult for him than all previous revelations.
No one rushed the healer, allowing him to gather the necessary strength. While the healer silently looked at one point, not concentrating on anything in particular, Jin Yu Ming carefully lifted someone his foot, freeing it from the rag shoe, and carefully rinsed it with water.
– The powder had to be used at a certain moment to take the enemy by surprise. Each of the warriors knew the risks, but everyone was ready and willing to act for the good of the Emperor and their homeland. My childhood friend, devoted to the Emperor to the point of madness, was one of them. I... I improved the so-called medicine, but I could not get rid of the side effects. On the contrary, they have become more severe. A major dose of the medicine led to death. And nobody cared! – a wry smile flashed across Wu Zhe Kai's face. – My friend didn't care. Having learned about the powder, he immediately decided to drain out the ranks of the enemies with an unexpected bait and force them to regroup so that the remaining army would attack in a weakened spot. That is why he and a small group of soldiers became the first who tested my "medicine". Guess, you have already got it… I lost my friend that day… – Wu Zhe Kai looked up at the sky. – That's when I realized one thing. It just appeared in my head like any other thought, but it became a point of no return.
Wu Zhe Kai took a deep breath. Small tears strolled down his cheeks. The young man grieved but did it quietly and as if ashamed. He was not expressing his true feelings in full force, being either afraid or not allowing himself to do so on purpose.
– I have never killed anyone. I wanted to save lives. But for some reason... my hands were constantly covered in blood.
– Zhe Kai... – Hao Ning sat down next to him, touching his friend's back with his palm. – Are you sure you want to continue?
– Don't worry, Xiao Hao. I know I'm boring you with all this talk. But there is not much left to listen.
– That is... not what I meant.
– I know... I know. Forgive my stupid jokes. You're just worried, I appreciate that. But I should have admitted my faults a long time ago.
Hao Ning nodded understandingly, not stopping his friend from finishing the story.
– Before the day when it was decided to carry out the attack, I stole all the powder and fled. I knew that persuasion and argument would not help, so all I could do was take on the role of a traitor and stop these senseless victims. Was I stupid, Lao Wei? Is it even possible to escape from the imperial army?
Wu Zhe Kai looked at the man lost in thought, but without waiting for an answer, he smiled and continued.
– I was aware of the outcome, of course, but I still wanted to correct my error. I was lucky to stumble upon a village where a little girl hid me, risking her own life. She was coughing a lot, and at that moment I could not help her. I just sat there like a lurking, cowardly rat, waiting for a chance to continue my escape, – the young man looked around at the friends gathered nearby and slowly wiped away the tears in the corners of his eyes. – It was all useless; I was caught in the forest. They shot me with an arrow, and I fell from the ravine into the river. Perhaps hit my head? Or drowned? Or were they who finished me off with a couple of other arrows? I don't know. My story ends up here.
– Zhe Kai...
– And you know what's the worst, Hao Ning? – Wu Zhe Kai smiled, but his voice trembled. – I didn't help anyone. Neither the soldiers, who probably lost because of my actions; nor the Emperor, who relied on the power of the powder or the wounded and ill people I left behind. This one was unable to cure even the little girl! My mind boggles at the very thought that her village wasn't burned down for hiding a fugitive! And this is my fault!
Wu Zhe Kai grabbed his hair with his fingers, his emotions out of control, turning into uncontrollable hysteria. Jin Yu Ming, who was nearby, managed to catch the young man's hands, preventing him from scratching himself.
– It's my fault. I am so, so very guilty! It's all... my fault...
The whisper turned to a scream, the scream turned to a hiss. Wu Zhe Kai gasped for air, admitting to the gnawing feeling that would not let go of him. The healer could not continue to speak in this state, which is why Jin Yu Ming put him to sleep by gently pressing on his neck.
The heavy load on the healer's shoulders finally revealed the reason for his acute reactions to other people's injuries.
Zhe Kai's life story was no longer a secret, nor was the understanding that it was the all-consuming guilt that tied him to the Middle World with unbreakable shackles.
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Xi Yong Zhao –郤永照; Yong: eternal, forever; Zhao: to illuminate, illuminate