We continued on our way for two days without a break, both Lay and Roy devoted themselves to raising my spirits during the journey, which got them both into trouble with Sir Willfest as they neglected their duties a little, but even that uncouth knight did his own thing, He's been teaching me how to hold a sword, which I've been terrible at, but Willfest's interest is that I don't think, although it's hard, he's told me 1000 times 'he doesn't understand how I can hold a knife too, when 5 year olds can handle a sword better than you'.
I really have no idea at what point I managed to get close to them, maybe I can understand how you love me with Lay, but Roy has treated me almost as if I were a brother or so I think, and Willfest, well he approaches me in his own way.
They have helped me a lot, but the thought of not living is still there in the back of my mind, an idea that scares me.
We were camping, everyone had already gone to sleep, we occupied a large stone that was in the meadow to occupy it as a windbreak, tonight Willfest allowed us to make a fire, which helped everyone to go to sleep quickly, except for me who could not sleep, many things were going through my head, how did I get here? the ghost from 9 years ago, that girl who pointed her bow at me, if I want answers, or try to go back to my timeline, I think I must find them, and maybe the way to do that is Lord Irish's historical incongruity, or at least I cling to it.
But I wish it was only those things that came to my head, there was that thing that killed the guards and knights that accompanied Willfest, that woman I'm sure she's not human, no one that moved like her could be called human, that added to the ghost woman and that she travels in the damn time, means that the whole world as I believed it was a lie, that gave me a huge pain in the ass, having a paradigm broken is not an easy thing to bear, and then there are the deaths I've seen, luckily they didn't affect me as much as before, but they still affected me, every now and then I saw my hands with blood on them since I killed one of Jack's bandits.
A whimper from Lay interrupted my thoughts, apparently he was having nightmares.
-No, don't come near me... don't, don't touch me...
She started talking in her sleep, those words provoked some pain in me, because they gave reason to my theory of what I think happened to Lay in her past.
I approached her and stroked her hair to calm her down a bit from her nightmare, apparently it worked, she stopped talking, at least she seemed to have a calmer sleep.
-Yes, give me some of those hams...' Roy shouted in his sleep.
At least it seems that the idiot was dreaming of something happy... I guess, this pair are more alike than they think.
I got up to see Wallet, he had been unconscious all these days and his condition has not improved at all, he has had a continuous fever, it is possible that he will pass away at some point.
Maybe if I had been able to warn him that he was going to be attacked he wouldn't be....
I shook my head.
No, stop blaming yourself for everything, if I keep blaming myself for things I can't control I'll end up just like when I killed the bandit and then I wanted...
I was going to try to go to sleep, but I noticed that Sir Willfest was not in the camp.
-At what point did he leave?
I started to look for him, figuring that the only place I could go was the forest, since the other side was only grassland.
I didn't have to go very far to find him, he was praying, he didn't say any names.
I hid behind a tree to find out what he was doing.
-Agatha Mirs, Edmund Codes, Patrick Mare, Monset Mare, John Fress, Faust Fugh, Maria de Wimble, Jack... the Artist, to all who have died by my hand, most of them dictated by thy servant King Edward, may he rest in thy holy kingdom.... Amen.
I knew I should stay hidden, but when something gets into my head, I do it.
Somewhat chagrined that I was spying on him, I said to him:
-Then death if it gnaws at you.
Sir Willfest drew his sword, ready to kill whoever appeared to him.
-It's me Gran... please answer me, does death affect you?
I approached with my hands up to show that I was not a threat, though really if I showed up armed I don't know how much of a danger I could be to him when he defeated me so easily.
-Don't come at me like that again boy... your mother didn't teach you not to peep when I was a child.
-No, she didn't live long enough to do so,' I said rather annoyed.
-I'm sorry... I didn't know... I never said deaths didn't affect me boy.
I changed the subject rather quickly, Willfest knew he had struck a chord with me.
-Tell me how I can stop seeing my hands full of blood.
I showed him my hands that were clean, but I didn't see them like that, tears were coming out of my eyes, I don't think I had ever cried so much in my life as in the last weeks.
-Boy?
He sheathed his sword again.
-Do you believe in God, Gran?
-No, I'm an atheist, though lately I'm believing in more things than I used to be able to believe.
-Let's walk to the camp while we talk.
I listened to him without a murmur.
-I believe in God, I'm not going to tell you that I'm a fervent believer, even before they didn't believe in God either, but a woman changed my mind, I'm talking about Lay's mother.
-Lay's mother? You called Lay a bastard, so I guess you're not talking about your wife.
-Right, I don't want to go into that, but what I mean is that she showed me a way to find peace within myself, so every night I take a moment to remember the people who have died by my hand, it helps me not to feel bad.
-I don't think that works for me, I don't really believe that a God created us, but I respect the people who believe in him, they have no proof that he exists, and I have no proof that he doesn't exist, but thank you for telling me, at least you gave me a hope of finding something to help me.
-Gran, I'm not telling you that you have to believe in God to calm your head, find a reason to take a life, a reason that is worthwhile, that justifies it.
-Can there be anything that justifies a death?
-In my case my children justify any atrocity I could do without any remorse, that's why I joined King Edward's cause, I admire that man, I know that with him I can make a better world for my children.
Those words shook me with dread, I knew he meant what he said.
-I'm sorry to ask you something so intimate, do you have someone you love, or a family member?
-I have a sister, but I don't know if she's still with us, why do you ask?
-I wanted to find you a reason that might help you, but if you tell me she's dead, I'm not saying she's dead.
-No, I didn't mean she's dead, I hope she's not in fact dead, because that would put the final nail in my coffin, but I do think I'd be able to kill for her.
There are those eyes again, the ones that I dreaded so much when I faced him, Gran can reach...
-Gran, when I first met you I thought you were a spoiled nobleman who knew nothing about life, but when you killed the bandit and then confronted me, I knew I was wrong, you had nothing to lose, those cold eyes I saw in you scared me, I thought you were an idiot when you went straight for my attack at that moment, but you went to cut the tendon in my hand, didn't you?
-Yes, I thought that if I wanted to finish you, the only chance I had against you was that you couldn't use the sword, if you hadn't realised... I'm sure I would have cut you before you with your sword.
Sir Willfest was smiling, he even laughed.
-You bloody copper, you know Irish is likely to kill you for what you know, don't you?
It was the first time I'd heard Willfest not call Irish Lord, which struck me as odd.
-If I think about it, but I think I can turn my luck in my favour.
-Don't underestimate that son of a bitch, he knows how to play politics, he even won the King's favour when Edward hates his own kind.
-I'll bear that in mind, Willfest.
-No, if you tell me that you don't know what you're up against, but Gran let me use you, I will intercede for you against the Lord, in exchange for you letting me turn you into a weapon, a weapon I can use to protect the future of my children and your sister, what do you say, a deal?
Willfest held out his arm to close the deal.
I never thought Willfest would see anything in me, but his offer was blatant even for him, but for some reason it didn't bother me.
I stretched out my arm, but hit his hand to cut it off, of course he took it badly.
-Wilfest thank you, but if I were to let you turn me into a weapon as you say, then I could never see Hero's face again, if I ever see her again, she would be sad that I abandoned my humanity, so I must refuse such unpleasant treatment.
Wilfest smiled, as he stroked his hair.
-Admirable, Venture.
There was something odd about the way he said my surname, many mispronounce it since I've been in the past, obviously because of the differences in dialect between the past and the present, but Wilfest had just pronounced it perfectly.
-What was your father's name?
-What a strange question, Willfest? Ackerman Venture.
-I see, what a strange name.
It was clear that Sir Willfest was hiding more than he was saying.
-Fine, forget the deal, I'll intercede for you on a whim, in return do me the favour of giving Lay his light back.
-That I can accept, Will.
-What do you think, Brat, Willfest for you.
I laughed a little, it was clear that the Sir wasn't going to give in....
Mmm that's strange, I could have sworn Lay was sleeping by the fire and not near where I'm sleeping.