It was a normal day like the days before, i woke up at my mom's voice "Ryma wake up, it's 7:30 am"
I went to college with heavy steps, I had quarreled with my friends and moved away from them. They had left me in the darkest nights.
At that time, I experienced disappointment in all aspects, from family, friends, and even from myself
I was planning to change the major I was studying. In fact, I studied it for two years and then decided to leave it and return to my first goal. It was a really difficult decision. My mother and my friends opposed me and did not support my idea and urged me to complete it no matter what.
Their words put me between two fires in terms of the specialty I am studying. My family refuses for me to change the university in order to obtain studies and greater opportunities in it, and to try again in a specialty that my heart has always beat for.
I cried and sobbed, and in the end I continued the last year of college and tried to repeat the bachelor's degree so that I might reach the specialty I wanted in the same year, I almost went crazy, but I did not have the time nor the intellectual capacity to do.
I was immersed in tons of university papers and research, and at the same time baccalaureate lessons through which I was trying to achieve my dream. I was studying microbial biotechnology and I wanted medicine.The closer the two specializations are, the more distant they are. I was like someone seeking to achieve two goals whose paths were opposite. If I missed one, I would lose the other.
I will try to summarize the stressful year :
In the first semester:
When my friends became certain that I would change my major, they stayed away from me so as not to help me with my college lessons... Basically, I was the one who was teaching them and explaining the lessons to them, so how could they stay with me if I no longer taught?
My friends were with me before her only because I was first in my class, not for myself or for my personality It was a very painful blow and it made me not get close to people in order to form friendships with them. After that, my relationships became superficial and most of them were nothing more than collegial relationships.
My family placed on me all the responsibilities related to my sister's education and all administrative operations.
As for studying for the baccalaureate, it took up all my rest and sleep time. I slept only two hours a day. was stressed semester, but he went through all the exhausting fatigue.
In the second semester:
all the materials we received from the professors were research projects that could be said to be final graduation memories.
I completed 6 research projects in this semester:
-Production of kefir at the industrial level -Salmonella bacteria, methods of identifying them, culture media, techniques used, and salmonellosis disease
-Germs Interfering with food spoilage
-Alkaliphile bacteria
-PCR
-Bacillus subtilis
I accomplished it with great difficulty, abandoned my baccalaureate studies, and my dreams went unheeded. I could not balance them.
I was so tired of it that I used to cry every morning and evening over my dream, which I could not even try to achieve, because of all the fatigue and exhaustion that was in my body.
Only those who tried and were prevented by circumstances from achieving their goal or even from striving for it will understand me
In the end, I passed the baccalaureate exam and got a grade of close to good. As for college, I was first in the class .Some may ask why I did not settle for low grades that would allow me to obtain only a bachelor's degree. The answer is that my family is putting pressure on me.
I was unable to achieve my dream of medicine with that baccalaureate grade. I was depressed throughout the summer vacation and then decided not to continue towards my dream of "medicine," which some may see as trivial and difficult and that it takes time and many years, but I want to live it and do it. I did not continue my master's studies despite the pressure from my family, and I began to confront them. I was really weak and my voice was not heard, but if I did not defend my dream myself, who would defend it?
How did you study? I stayed at home and discovered how terrible my family was and the extent of mental illnesses. I spent 30 percent of my time in self-psychotherapy and studying psychology, as well as overthinking all the problems.
I saw how exploitative my family were and did not understand, and I noticed the huge gap between me and them
In this story or book, I will write a summary of the ideas that I came up with from my experiences with my family, depression, a desire to commit suicide, and others, and I will address each of them separately.