Thirty-five.
Fierce as a tiger.
Xiao Yu was only thirty-three, but it had been a month since he last touched her.
She counted the days; in the five years of their secret marriage, he'd grown fond of her flavor, sometimes desiring her in the car as soon as he got home.
But recently, things had changed.
"Are you very tired?" she coiled around his neck, pressing her body against his.
Her fragrant lips approached his, and sensing the scent of alcohol, Sheng Shushu's brows slightly furrowed.
Drinking again?
At the start of the month, she'd heard that his lifelong sweetheart was soon to return to the country, and since then, he started to smoke and drink more frequently, often even staying at the company.
The previous two times, Sheng Shushu didn't cling to him, empathizing with his discomfort, preparing him hangover soup, helping him with bathwater, letting him sleep well.
This time, however, her slim waist was stubbornly entwined, and she made an effort to tip-toe for a kiss, unsteady due to her lack of height.
Xiao Yu's hands, that were untying his necktie, timely grasped her waist, preventing her from falling.
After her clumsy kissing for a while, she was still pushed away.
"Be obedient, go to sleep." His palm gently stroked the top of her head.
Sheng Shushu didn't move, gazing at him with eyes brimming under the moonlight.
She kissed him again, this time with a recklessness that bordered on desperation.
"Xiao Yu."
She rarely called out his full name.
Xiao Yu's eyes drooped, his voice as soft as dust, "What is it?"
"I think I'm falling deeper in love with you," her drowsy voice carried a bewitching murmur.
"What about you, do you love me?"
Xiao Yu's eyes, dark and smooth as ink, began to respond to her kiss.
"Mhm," he merely grunted stingily in response.
Sheng Shushu laughed softly in her heart.
The kisses grew more intense, an uncontrollable entwining.
He always did so effortlessly, giving her the false impression that he loved her, too.
But he didn't love her.
She knew it.
It was she who had pursued him relentlessly at the start, even resorting to dirty tricks to sleep with him, forcing him into an unwilling marriage.
"Go take a bath, you sleep first," Xiao Yu finally released her, placing her back on the bed.
Sheng Shushu didn't cling to him but asked instead, "Do you want a divorce?"
Xiao Yu's figure halted for a moment, then he stared down at her from the bedside with a darkened face.
"You want to divorce."
Sheng Shushu smiled. Wasn't it him who wanted it?
His white moonlight was soon to return, and she had seen all his hesitation and torment throughout the month.
Such a proud and self-satisfied person, secretly smoking in the bathroom – seeing him like that truly broke her heart. What had she turned him into?
She might as well bring it up herself, to at least save some face—
It would be her leaving him, not being abandoned by him.
"Mhm," her voice sounded muffled.
Xiao Yu watched her for a long time, then wordlessly went into the bathroom.
Sheng Shushu hugged the quilt, like a stone awaiting her husband's return, listening to him start to handle business matters over the phone from within.
Again, this way, he wouldn't come out until she fell asleep.
He didn't know that she often couldn't sleep, only falling asleep once he came out and held her in his arms.
But she always pretended to be asleep, not wanting him to feel she was bothersome.
Sheng Shushu couldn't wait any longer, sleep evaded her, so in the dark, she took the sleeping pills she had secretly obtained – not sure how many – and swallowed them down before lying down to sleep.
*
Time passed, she didn't know how long.
A strong warmth pressed down upon her, dense breaths laced with alcohol heat, scalding to the touch.
Indulging one last time before divorce?
She didn't shrink away, but rather proactively responded to him with her eyes closed.
Xiao Yu always seemed aloof, as if he desired nothing, untouchable, but in these moments with her, he often became wild.
"Call me 'Shushu'?" whispered the man in a magnetic, husky voice, filled with thick pheromones.
Call Uncle?
Weren't those the words she said the night she had slept with him?
Sheng Shushu sighed, it seemed she was dreaming again, a dream of when she had chased after him.
In the dream, she was twenty, a whole eight years younger than Xiao Yu, but due to the old generation's odd calculations, they said Xiao Yu was technically thirty.
Moreover, as the uncle of her ex-boyfriend, the title was fitting.
So, she tilted up her little face, voice soft and accommodating, "Uncle!"
The man's movements abruptly halted.
She met his dark and smooth eyes, which were intensely fixed on her.
His gaze was both cold and dark, making Sheng Shushu question whether his earlier drinking was just a pretense.
But indeed, he was drunk, as every sign was quite clear.
"Enduring forcefully will lead to trouble," Sheng Shushu calmed herself, her gorgeous face lifting up.
The man's Adam's apple rolled violently, and at last, he let go of the last bit of restraint from the corner of his mouth, "It's not too late to regret."
Regret?
She had been well-behaved during the betrothal period, yet Xiao Qingzhou cheated on her behind her back with her cousin. It should be she who made him regret,
Sheng Shushu's fingernails dug into her flesh, but her face remained indifferent, "A jerk like him is not worthy of me."
She leaned into his ear, serious, "I still like Uncle."
Xiao Yu seemed very sensitive to this nickname, a layer of darkness swirling in his eyes.
"What do you like about me?" he asked, his deep voice tinged with disdain.
Despite Sheng Shushu having a waist that seemed meticulously sculpted by Nuwa herself—seductive—her large eyes and cherry lips came together to form a face that was pure and innocent, and one that looked incapable of lying.
"Like you... because you're older than him?"
Two seconds of silence.
Sheng Shushu's lips were sealed, a broad palm cradling the back of her head, kissing her deeply.
Carrying a muffled low growl, "You'd better be able to bear the consequences."
She indeed couldn't bear them.
The utmost devastation left her floating, her body trembling so violently she felt she was about to shatter.
That was the first time Sheng Shushu realized that Xiao Yu, who appeared aloof and steady on the outside, harbored a wicked and unrestrained demon in his heart.
When the storm had passed, the blanket on Sheng Shushu suddenly slipped down considerably.
She squinted her tired eyes, facing the man's cold and dark face.
Xiao Yu stared at the marks on the bedsheet, something unexpected flashing through his eyes.
"The first time?"
Sheng Shushu, with a sore body, propped herself up. She knew what the sarcasm on his face meant—
She had been with Xiao Qingzhou for several years, he thought she must have been 'dirty', yet she had crafted an illusion of a 'first time' to trap him.
"Getting mad on his behalf, you sure can bear to do it."
"Duck's blood, two yuan a pound. It's not expensive, what's there to bear?" She disliked explaining.
After all, to someone like Xiao Yu, the nicer things she said, the less he would believe.
Her words made Xiao Yu watch her for a long time.
Until she tried to get out of bed.
"What are you doing?" Xiao Yu looked at her with icy eyes.
Sheng Shushu tilted her face upward, "Making a midnight snack, you've been entertaining on an empty stomach, your stomach must be uncomfortable, right?"
"I am not Xiao Qingzhou."
She used to scurry around Xiao Qingzhou, like an old maid, which everyone knew.
Xiao Yu looked at her wrist supporting her, still trembling weakly.
"Don't dirty the kitchen," he said coldly, tossing over the comment before turning into the bathroom.
If he didn't let her go, then so be it, but why be so harsh? Sheng Shushu was accustomed to this; the Xiao Family always said he was a freak of a sole birth.
She collapsed back onto the bed, feeling very soft, very tired.
Very thirsty.
Getting up to find water to drink, there wasn't a single drop in the bedroom, so she had to go to the living room.
The following plot, she was going to trip over the threshold and then fall, a scenario she knew by heart from her dreams.
"Thump!"
As expected, she fell.
Sheng Shushu laughed at herself, having dreamt of this countless times, couldn't the Duke of Zhou help her change some details?
"Hiss!" The next second, her beautiful eyebrows furrowed harshly.
It hurt.
Hurt?
How could a dream hurt?
Staring at her knee, Sheng Shushu was dumbfounded; it never hurt in her dreams before.
She pinched herself again, and it really hurt; this was not a dream.
So?
She had been reborn.
Really back to a month after she started pursuing Xiao Yu.
"You're still not leaving?" a cool voice suddenly appeared behind her.
Sheng Shushu jumped, enduring the pain as she quickly stood up, looking straight at Xiao Yu.
He was casually wrapped in a bath towel, his hair still wet along with his entire body, water droplets sliding down his muscles, disappearing into his Adonis belt.
Indeed, he had the capital to bewitch the opposite sex.
In her previous life.
She acted spoiled because her fall hurt so much she couldn't walk, wanting to stay the night, even getting Xiao Yu to carry her back to the bed and asking for another round.
Now.
Sheng Shushu coolly diverted her gaze, speaking softly, "I'll leave right away."
She hastily grabbed some clothes, threw on one of them, gathered the rest and prepared to leave.
This life, she would no longer provoke him.
Love that could not be reciprocated was too exhausting.