Days passed and I never spoke to Adrian again. Even though we both chose not to speak to each other only for a while, I felt like a barrier suddenly existed between us.
Maybe, he's being cautious and so am I. I knew him from the moment I've been here and just because of a rumor, we're suddenly strangers.
"Kina, maybe you should talk to Adrian now. The nuns seem to forget about the rumor." Yna tried talk me out of it but I refuse. It's like a trauma for me and Adrian.
"We don't know that. Maybe, they plan to act as if they don't care anymore and what if we mess up?" I frustratedly looked at her. I certainly don't know what to do. Adrian is my friend, he's been a family to me.
Yna bit her lip, doesn't have anything left to say. I looked up and tried to calm myself. It's almost a month and I never even talked to Adrian ever since. We never glanced at each other even during meal time. It's like a taboo and it's suffocating.
"What about a letter?"
"A letter?" I sniffed and dried my cheeks as I look at Yna.
"Yes, a letter! Write a letter to him this evening, write down everything you want to say and I'll give it to him tomorrow morning."
I was relieved by Yna's idea. It's terrific. In that way, me and Adrian can still communicate.
Right after we finished dinner, I immediately ran towards our room. Yna, Happi, and me are room mates ever since birth. So I won't be bothered if I stay up all night writing a letter.
There are so many things I want to say but I need to keep it short and precise. I don't know how many papers I wasted just to create a perfect letter.
"Don't stay up too late, Kina. The nuns roam around during midnight." Yna warned me.
"Got it!" I nodded but with my eyes still locked on the paper in front of me. I was glad that I finally finished the letter before the the clock striked.
Dear Adrian,
It's been almost a month since the last time we talked. I missed your jokes and the conversations we had during chores. You're like an older-brother to me, a family. It feels illegal now to talk to you personally or even be near you but I just want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart, together with Yna and Happi.
Yours Truly,
Aquina
The next morning, before we went out of the room. I handed the letter to Yna and she held it tightly as she nods her head, assuring me that everything will go as planned, that she won't mess up.
Yna is a fighter. Even if she's just a few months older than me, it feels like we're years apart. She seems like a Mother to me. I remember when we were still little, she would put my clothes on, brush my hair, and even read me books before I go to sleep.
Yna doesn't voice out everything she feels, every problems she have. She's silent most of the time except if it's about us. She'll fight for our rights, but not hers. She is sefless especially if it comes to Happi who is the youngest.
"What's that?" Happi curiously asked and went closer to see what Yna is holding.
"A letter," Yna simply smiled as she fix Happi's hair. Happi just nodded. She's 14 and yet, she doesn't know how to read. We tried to teach her, we tried our very best but.. it seems like her brain is slow to process things. Maybe she have a condition that we don't know about.
The church bell started tolling and we hurriedly went outside. Kids started running, gasping for air but couldn't stop or they'll be late.
The moment the tolling stopped, we were all in perfect line. We were like soldiers– puppies rather, who are scared to commit one tiny mistake.
Among my friends, Happi was the only one who got punished. The nuns hate her especially in simple chores. She almost couldn't do anything right. Her punishment was, she was locked in the church over night, scraping every dust and dirt.
We were around five to seven, I guess. We couldn't do anything about it. Happi would cry in front of us after her punishment, wailing about how tired she is and how much she hates stepping inside the church.
Happi is also skinny, she's practically weak that's why we are here for her. So, everytime the nuns would abused her verbally, Yna and Adrian is always there. Adrian with his persuasive words and Yna's fiery personality, they couldn't do anything about it.
Both of them are like parents to me and Happi. I couldn't defend Happi because I'm also weak myself. The only reason why the nuns never punished me because of my looks and talent.
The walls of the orphanage is painted by me. The nuns would always ask me to design posters during holiday. The insides of the church also have paintings of saints and the apostles, all was painted by me.
The nuns, seminarists, and even the cruel priest would call me as the 'Gift of God,' 'Heavenly Mistress,' and 'Painter of Angels'. Such nonsense, to be honest 'cause for the foster parents who have visited me, they'd call me the snake of Eden, the demon's child, or the heaven's mistake because of my looks.
They think that I'm too perfect for any parents to abandon me that maybe, I was the daughter of a witch or something... unnecessary things to ignore.
I finished my breakfast as fast as always. Porridge and beans just like before and always. Maybe, I'll die here because of the food and not hunger. It's been 17 years and I think the nuns haven't realized how disgusting the food is. It tastes uglier each passing day, to think that we ate thrice everyday.
"I saw something... in Sister Ana's office." Yna whispered while we're on breakfast.
"What?"
"A snack."
"A snack?" I stopped eating to face her. The word sounds familiar, I think I heard it somewhere.
"Yes, just like those ones on the books? It's like a preserved food inside a plastic bag. I saw it on Sister Ana's desk when I was cleaning at the dormitories. It's long and it looks delicious based on the front picture." She even showed me how long it is using her hands.
"Is it sweet?" I asked. I actually don't have any idea what sweet is. All I've ever tasted are the blunt porridge and beans.
"We can sneak in... and try some."
"We'll get punished."
"If we're caught. Kina, I saw hundreds of it, there were lots of them in the box, inside her office," she sticks her face closer to me to burse out her desperation. I glanced at the nuns and saw them eyeing at us suspiciously.
"Sit straight, Yna. You'll get us caught." I slightly pushed her away from me.
"But you're in this, right?"
"What are you talking about?" We continued to talk but with our face upfront.
"Don't you want to eat something else?"
"I do," I answered with a palm covering my mouth, pretending to chew my food as the stares of the nuns continue to crawl.
"Then, we're on this."