"I'm telling you it's okay; my parents are chill."
"From all the rules and what you were telling me in the hospital, I am starting to think otherwise," Ryder said and I started laughing.
We were packing stuff into one little suitcase because we were only going to spend a day there.
Or that was the plan at least.
Ryder was really good at packing so he had everything laid out on the bed and he was folding stuff as I sat on the bed.
I asked him if he wanted help and he told me to "sit my dumb ass down and stop throwing shit where it doesn't below."
So I am sitting down, talking to him.
"It's only one day; if anything happens, genuinely tell me and we can leave," I said.
He gave me a look. "Will we actually leave or are you just saying that?"
"Actually. Just tell me and we will pack everything up and leave," I said and he nodded, continuing with folding.
Fuck, it's been a while since I have gone home.
I grabbed my phone and started looking through my camera roll.
I looked up at Ryder.
I smiled.
He even looked cute when he was folding clothes.
I flipped back to the camera side and i snapped 3 photos.
I clicked on the second one and made it my lock screen.
I don't know.
I thought it was cute.
I thought he was cute.
My home screen was Isabella and Leo and my lock screen had been a mountain for a while now so why not change it?
I am going to pretend like its to prove to my family that we are real, but it is really for myself.
To convince myself that what we have is real.
That.
I.
God, I don't know.
I guess and also when I need something to look at when he's not there.
When I need him.
I continued smiling like an idiot as I tried to look for pictures of my family.
"I vaguely remember seeing your parents in your office," he said as I watched him grab shoes for me.
"I'm looking for pictures of all of my family. I do not have any of my parents but I think I have them for my siblings. Yeah, there's four of them, so with me, that is five kids."
"God damn."
"Why do you never talk about them?" ryder added.
I shrugged. "I don't know; we have weird age gaps and one of my siblings was born when I was in college, so that's a little awkward, but we are still close but I have moved out so I don't know." I felt awkward talking about them and I don't know why.
Probably because I don't really visit a lot and have my own life and a daughter.
God, I feel bad now.
"Alessandro is my first brother? Like, I don't know he is the second child and we have a 10-year age gap, so I was 10 when he was born. He is my parent's golden child; he's fluent in Korean and Italian, and my parents love him to death. I don't resent him at all because he is very successful, chill, and very reliable. He is a successful corporate lawyer and he and his fiance are very happy," I said and I flipped the camera around so Ryder could see the picture of him.
"Oh my god, he's handsome," Ryder said, getting closer and taking the phone from me.
"Hey, you're my fiance."
He continued to look at the phone and then at me. "He's like the less bad boy, less wrinkled you."
"I..I. I'm at a loss for words," I said.
"How tall is he?"
"6'2."
"Eh, you're hotter," he said, handing me my phone back and I started laughing.
"Only because I'm taller?"
"And more wrinkly and a bad boy and mine, so you're hotter," he said and went back to folding.
A smile grew on my face as I went back to scrolling.
Mine.
I like when he is possessive.
It makes me happy.
"Giulia, aka Jules, is my sister, and she's 26. She's fluent in Korean; she's 6'0 and lowkey the female version of me. She's lesbian and gives our dad the middle finger constantly. She's in a long term relationship with some chef girl and they moved in together. We but ends a lot because she knows how to get on someone's fucking nerves. She's an interior designer and she is blunt as fuck. Even more than me, so be prepared," I said and showed Ryder her picture.
"She is the female version of you," he said and gave the picture this weird look.
"Don't say anything."
"I'm not, I'm not," he said, laughing, and he started digging through my underwear drawer.
Oh shit speaking of underwear.
"Where are your pants?" I asked.
He turned around with a smile and flung underwear at me.
"I have underwear on," he beamed and then put them in the suitcase.
"You look good," I said and he just shook his head.
"Tell me more about your siblings and stop looking at my ass," ryder said, as he walked around the room picking up shit and putting in the suitcase.
"Sorry sorry. Uh, Luca is next. He's 20 and he is 5'11 and doesn't speak Korean or Italian like me. He is very laidback and is very chill. Of course we do have 18 years in between us but I like him. He's studying computer science in college and is into gaming and coding. He's quiet and introverted but we are tight," I said and flipped the camera around.
"Oh, he's cute; he doesn't look like any of you but he is cute," Ryder said and I nodded.
"Last is Min-seo; my mom named her and Luca, and then my dad named me, Sandro, and Guilia with a G. She's 17 and is 6'3, which is insane. She is fluent in Korean and decided to learn Italian just to mess with dad. She is the youngest and she's very awkward and cool. She is a senior in high school and is very good at volleyball. I think she got signed for D1. She is so good. She is very sweet and anything she says, my father goes with. She loves to mess with me and Luca, and I have no idea why, but she's our baby," I said and showed him my final siblings.
"Holy fuck, she is tall."
"Yeah, I don't know what my parents fed her."
"Was your dad trying to get a whole basketball team?" Ryder said and I started laughing. "Apparently."
I sighed.
I guess it would be fun.
Seeing my family.
Taking a break from everything.
Fuck but I can't remember what I needed to tell Ryder about my dad.
I had been thinking about it all night but I still can't remember it.
Fuck.
Uh.
Yeah, I don't know.
Whetever.
"Is Isabella coming with us?"
"Well, find out right now. ISA!"
No response.
"ISABELLA!" I screamed louder.
"COME HERE, PLEASE!"
After a few moments, she walked in, and she looked annoyed.
Her face lightened when she saw Ryder next to me.
"Yes father?"
"Don't, yes, father me, what are you doing right now?"
"Homework?"
"Can you pack a bag? We are going to grandma and grandpa's house."
I watched her shoulders drop and she rolled her eyes and let out a long sigh. "Bruh, I have homework to do."
"You never see your grandparents; its literally for a day; go pack your fucking bag," I said and I felt myself getting frustrated.
"Dad, I literally have stuff to do, please."
"I don't fucking care; go pack your shit!" I yelled, pointing at her. "Your grandparents want to see you."
"Why so they can bring up mom?"
I rolled my eyes. "Don't bring her into this right now. GO PACK YOUR FUCKING BAG!"
"Dominic." I turned to Ryder and raised an eyebrow. "Don't yell at her."
I sighed. "She's my daughter, I don't…"
"Don't yell at her; she said she didn't want to go and she has homework to do; its one day; just let her stay home," Ryder said firmly.
"Yeah, dad," Isabella added.
I sighed.
"Fine whatever; stay here," I said, trying to calm myself down.
Isabella smiled at Ryder and went to go hug him.
"Don't hug me; your dad was the one who said yes."
"He doesn't deserve it because he was yelling at me," Isabella said, looking at me like I was a monster as she held Ryder.
"I know I hate when he yells too," Ryder said.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I said, putting my hands up.
"Good, you should be," Ryder said, letting go of Isabella. "Get your essay done, so you can relax."
Isabella nodded and just like that, she was gone.
I watched Ryder shut the suitcase and lug it by the door of my bedroom.
He pulled his stuff out from under the bed and took off his shirt.
He traded it for a black shirt and then put on some jeans.
He sighed as he stood there.
"What?"
"My jeans."
"What about them?" I asked, getting closer to him.
He turned around with a sad look on his face.
"They look fine."
"Of course you would think that these jeans are supposed to be baggy, but now look at them," he said and sat down on the bed with a sad look on his face.
I sighed and got in front of him.
"You look fine," I said.
And he continued to give me this sad look.
"You look good," I said.
"You just said I look fine; which one is it?"
"Stop pouting, stand up, and I'll tell you," I said, and I helped him to his feet.
"Stop sucking in your lips like you're a child," I said sternly.
He stopped.
"Now. You look good. Get out of your own head and stop convincing yourself otherwise. Who cares if you have a stomach? We all do. I don't care and if any of my family members tell you another wise, let me know. You look good and you are healthy; that's all that matters," I said and he started hugging me.
I rubbed his back.
"Is that what you needed to hear?"
"Hmh," he said, nodding.
I closed my eyes and just held him.
I can't.
I can't look. I can't.
He pulled back.
Thank god.
"Okay," he buttoned his jeans.
"Can I pick out your outfit?" he asked.
Cutie. "Of course you can," i said and I followed him over to my closet.
"As much as I love you shirtless and your sexy, sexy arm. I think we should go with a very classy, very rich look."
"I don't know what that means but I trust you," I said, sitting on the bed and he nodded. "As you should."
He grabbed some shit out of my closet and threw it at me.
He walked over to my dish with all my jewerly in. "Do you have anyone of these flashy ass rings?" he asked as I changed.
"Yeah, it's next to the watch."
"Oh shit. The watch is nice to, let's add that," he said and handed them both to me.
I put everything on and he looked very pleased.
"Are we ready to go now?"
He nodded with a smile.
"No promises, we won't have sex on your bed," matteo said, butting in.
Ryder and I were now by the door trying to leave but we were getting lectured.
I had put the suitcase in the car ten minutes ago and came back and Leo was still lecturing us.
"You are making me worried," I said.
"Dude, its fine; go; im here; i won't let anything happen to your family," Matteo said. He was in the living room and didn't bother getting off the couch.
For some weird reason that eased my tension.
Eased my worry.
Eased the fact I would be without my daughter for a day.
Somehow this feels different.
And it feels a good different.
"Dad, just go and don't let Leo stop you from going," Isabella said.
I hugged her. "Okay baby, we are leaving."
"Good, you are wasting gas," Matteo said, not looking up from the TV.
I hugged Leo, and I watched Ryder hug Isabella and whisper something to her.
I smiled.
"Doesn't it feel good to be soft?"
I pulled back and gave him a weird look. "I am not soft," I said, laughing.
"You so are and that's okay. You're soft for the right person; now don't lose it," he said and he started to push me and Ryder out the door. "Go, go hurry before your parents get mad at you, Dom."
"Okay, okay, we are leaving; make sure you lock the door and if you want anything, text me and I'll send you money," i said and he nodded.
"Now go."
Go.
That sounds nice.
Go away from here.
Even if its just for a day.
Putting the mafia life on pause.
For him.
For my family.
Put it all on pause.
Just this once.
Just this once.