R.B.R Barreto
I wanted to know and master the secret of the dervishes who danced between the worlds without belonging to any.
What are signals? What's special about an owl's song, the whisper of the wind or the glow of a star?
Why be impressed by a feather that falls at our feet, or a faint odor that excites our nostrils? Many people will say that these things are common and that they mean nothing more than a normal fact. But, for people who seek to give meaning to their existence, any small event offered by life can be a sign, a detail of synchronicity that fits into the destiny that we choose to follow. Kadir was one of those people. Endowed with enormous faith, he knew that his destiny was not among the lords of the desert tribes. However that didn't make him any less ambitious. He dreamed of being worthy to enter the portals of Paradise before the great sleep of death. He knew that before that he had to learn and practice the Holy Book, wander in the desert, overcome temptations and become a saint. He wanted to know and master the secret of the dervishes who danced between the worlds without belonging to any.
In the date he set out on his long journey, Kadir waited for the night to deepen and for everyone to sleep. The snoring and hissing that echoed from inside the tents revealed the tribe's heavy sleep. The young man then praised Allah, picked up his things, and went to the corral where the mounts were. He owned several animals, but he thought it would be enough to take one horse and two camels. He began to arrange the load on the camels' back and then realized that this was the most complicated part. He wasn't sure where to start when he felt someone lightly touch him from behind. He turned around in surprise, coming face to face with his old grandfather, Abdul.
- My grandfather!!! – muttered with his eyes wide with fright, thinking that his escape plan had certainly fallen apart...
– Stay calm, my grand son and keep your voice down – said the old sheikh – you don't want to wake up the whole tribe, do you?
Kadir lowered his head and sighed. His throat felt choked with a strange emotion. There was a long minute of silence between the two, then the grandfather spoke again:
– I'm going to miss you so much, my boy. But, it if you decide to leave, may Allah protect you.
Kadir couldn't speak. Barely controlled the tears that were beginning to fall down his face. Old Abdul then hugged him:
– How did you guess, my grandfather? – asked the young man after some time – how did you guess?
Grandfather shook his head:
– I also have my secrets, my boy ... do you really think you would leave without me knowing? I saw you come into this world, boy. I followed his first steps. Do you think I wouldn't know a little about your soul too?
He chuckled mysteriously and continued:
– You are also not the only young person who wanted to leave everything and pursue a dream, be it Paradise or anything else. Know that in my youth I often wanted to do the same...
– And why didn't you do it, grandfather?
– Ah... I grew up too quickly, too.
And I didn't had the certainties that you have.
The young man looked seriously at his grandfather and continued:
– Do I have sure?? – he muttered with his head down – No, grandfather. I'm not sure. Do you think I'm going after a crazy dream?
The old man smiled once again:
– No man, old or young, should be foolish enough to judge the dreams of others. Every dream has a certain madness or it wouldn't be a dream, right? – He said with a somewhat choked laugh – But, my son, if you believe him, move on. That's what I have to tell you. I would go with you if I could, but the years weigh too much on me...
– I'll be back soon, my grandfather, to tell you what I found...
The sheikh sighed and hit the young man on the shoulder:
– Don't try to control time, Kadir... go and don't look back. Don't try to predict when you'll come back or if you'll come back. Just go.... Today, when you leave here you will have broken with your tribe, giving up your firstborn rights. Does this bother you?
In all this time Kadir hadn't thought about it at all. So he was surprised:
– Not my grandfather. Not even a little bit... Why would I be?
– Because – said the grandfather – when you to leave here you risk becoming as poor as any wanderer...
– I will be taking my horse, two camels, the Koran, warm clothes, food – he said somewhat confused – what else may I need? When I find Balam I will know what to do.
– Hmm – said the grandfather – when you find Balam!!? You certainly won't find only Balam along the way...
- What you mean? – asked the Kadir, even more confused...
– I mean you didn't think of anything, boy, but fortunately – he added smiling – Allah protects fools.
The young man was confused. Everything the grandfather said was the purest truth. He had thought about leaving, but had not planned details. He acted according to his heart's desire.
– Anyway – continued the grandfather – you will need more things than that, but don't worry, I have already provided some.
Then the grandfather walked away for a few seconds and came back carrying his own camel Mustaf, already fully loaded. Kadir opened his eyes wide:
– What is all this?
– Small things, such as a tent for you to sleep in, a stove, a lamp, oil, a lighter to make a fire, brandy, camel fat to protect your eyes from the sand and a compass ...
He stopped for a moment and looked at his grandson with a warning look:
– Not even the most trained travelers face the desert without a compass. What were you thinking? – Look – he continued – here are also my old binoculars that you loved to play with as a child. With it you can aim the end of the world before you reach it.
Kadir picked up the binoculars, trying them on with a strange feeling of nostalgia.
– I don't even know what to say… – he said while looking into the distance through the binoculars – it seems like I don't see the same things anymore.
– The horizon always changes. If it were the same, what fun would there be in following it? Don't say anything, my grandson. Just make good use of it – he said, trying to contain his emotion – You will still need other things, but, as you said, "when you find Balam, you will know". May Allah grant that it won't take long to find him.
In fact, Kadir didn't even have the idea of taking any of these utensils. He didn't know how to use the compass and needed his grandfather to explain to him how to position it and distinguish the direction he should follow.
– Thank you, grandfather – he said in sincere gratitude. – thank you for thinking for me once again and coming to my rescue. I will feel very miss.
The sheikh gave the boy a stronger poke and said, hiding his emotion:
– Go quickly then, while the night is thick. Soon everyone will be standing up and you will have to do a lot of explaining.
Old Abdul even helped Kadir pack the rest of the luggage on the backs of the other camels. He tied them together with a long rope, also connecting them to the young man's horse. This way he could guide the animals without them straying. Kadir was amazed by so many details. The grandfather then gave him a bag with a large amount of money and a reasonable fortune in jewelry and precious stones.
- I know you didn't think about it either, - he said.
Kadir was refusing, but the sheikh insisted:
– Don't be silly, this belongs to you. The jewelry was her mother's. You are already giving up a lot of things here in the tribe. I suspect your father will never forgive you after this escape.
The young man was saddened. He sighed and said:
– My father never understood me. I wouldn't want to give you that heartbreak. But we are very different. My place is not the one he wants for me. Staying here would only disappoint you. – He concluded with a sad sigh.
Then they shared a long, deep hug goodbye.
– I left you a letter, grandfather. Don't think I would leave without saying goodbye... To my father too. I hope one day he can understand and forgive me.
– I will read it whenever I missyou – said the grandfather
– Your father, certainly too. Well – he continued after a moment – now is not the time to think about that. Go in peace, my boy! Always believe in the choice you made.... Take care of yourself. May Allah protect you!
After that, the sheikh accompanied his grandson until he leaves the camp. The young man, already mounted on the horse, said:
– Don't worry, my grandfather. I've never felt so sure of something, so happy, or so free...
He spoke and made fun on the horse, opening his arms as if he were going to take flight.
Grandfather's face was covered with nostalgia:
– Don't tempt me, my grandson! If it weren't for my age, I would be with you... Go in peace! May Allah accompany you...
Returning a final wave, Kadir set off at a light trot so as not to force his mounts and not wake up the tribe. The night was high and the sky was clear, full of stars. Soon he lost sight of his grandfather in the darkness that remained behind. Then it was time for his tribe's tents. One by one disappearing into the darkness. When he passed through the dunes that had attracted him since childhood, Kadir felt that a stage of his destiny was ending. This caused him a mixture of sadness and restlessness. As he crossed the top of the highest dune he looked back trying to see his grandfather or the lights of the tents, but they seemed distant and hidden. The certainty that he would never see that place or his grandfather again haunted his soul for a few seconds, giving him a vague sadness. He could come back, he thought, there was still time. Standing at the top of the dune on his horse, accompanied by his camels and illuminated only by night lights, the young man was overcome with uncertainty. Behind him was the life he knew. Safe, familiar and comfortable. In front of him was the endless horizon, unknown, ghostly, impenetrable... Searching for an answer Kadir scrutinized the horizon, looking beyond the dunes, letting his vision be lost in the immensity beyond. That's when he saw the sign. Suddenly, in the middle of the darkness, that immense clear and starry sky was cut by something that could have been a comet but resembled a fast bird that advanced towards the horizon, leaving a translucent, spiral trail, such as the smoke coming from a huge hookah or of the dance of Balam. He thought he heard the sound of a bird's song, mysterious and light, echoing ahead. That outline in the sky convinced Kadir that he was following the right path. There was no going back. His soul drove him towards the new, towards tomorrow, towards the distant paradise. Then, without looking back, he walked down the dune towards the unknown horizon and left.