Hylan looked up at the huge portrait of Benedictus on the wall. It was completed five years ago; Hylan wasn't sure if it faithfully captured the subject's appearance at that time. The artist might have tried to give the portrait an all-seeing look, but the final effect seemed to show a lack of focus due to overconfidence, unlike the Benedictus Hylan remembered.
Almost thirty years ago, when he was mentoring the young monk Benedictus, Hylan saw a reflection of his younger self. Constantly pursuing new questions and never being satisfied with superficial answers, he believed deeply that the faith in the Light could resolve all doubts. However, Benedictus's learning had a frantic quality, almost like an outlet for anger. Destroying manuscripts, refusing to eat when troubled by questions, and staying up all night were common for him. Almost no other clergy wanted to approach him. Hylan believed that it was Benedictus's fortune to choose the path of the Light from a young age; had his life taken a different turn, the same angry quest for knowledge could have made him the most unbearable criminal in Stormwind.
Feeling he had failed to quell this anger, Hylan sometimes felt derelict in his duties. For Benedictus, faith in the Light was like a wall, the height and thickness of which would not change; his task was to dismantle it, brick by brick, as quickly as possible, until the path to truth was fully revealed. In a few years, he might complete this process and discover that behind the wall was an endless swamp, unable to move forward and finding no wall left to destroy in his anger. He would lose his pursuit.
This process happened right before Hylan's eyes. One day, Benedictus burned all his works on doctrine studies before the age of sixteen, including pamphlets displayed in the church library. Hylan couldn't stop him in time and asked why he did it. He replied that there was no need to keep foolish views in the world, nor did he need them to remind himself of his youthful naivety. He looked at the flying black paper scraps with an expression of exhaustion and detachment, as if waking from a drunken stupor. He then locked himself in a room for three days and nights, speaking to no one, and it was unclear if he felt any regret.
The change came with the help of the Wislanzo couple, who were also paladins. They funded Benedictus's studies, treated him like family, and had him officiate their newborn daughter's naming ceremony. Gradually, Benedictus stopped leaning toward anger and anxiety. When Hylan asked the couple why they helped Benedictus, they replied that he was talented, and they liked him, but he wouldn't make it if he continued on his path. Hylan could have interpreted the couple's motives from a faith perspective, but he never did. He didn't plan to understand what charm Benedictus had in their eyes. It was his responsibility to guide Benedictus properly; since he couldn't, he was glad someone else could.
Before the couple went on a mission, they entrusted their three-year-old daughter to Benedictus. It was impossible for him to fully care for her, so he used the allowance left by the couple to hire a nanny, taking on the educational responsibilities himself. Since her parents did not emphasize guiding her on the path of the Light, Benedictus used popular children's books to teach her new words. Buying children's books from peddlers was awkward and unusual for a cleric, but he did it. Hylan once witnessed a scene where the little girl was so fascinated by the illustrations in the book that she kept flipping back and forth, comparing pages with both hands, while Benedictus tried to smooth out the pages to explain a new word, appearing a bit flustered. He was troubled but still patient, Hylan thought.
Many believed the Wislanzo couple would return to Stormwind within a year. Three months later, news arrived at the church that they had been killed, and their bodies could not be recovered. A nun mentioned that she saw Benedictus cry for the first time, describing it as a heartbreaking sob sustained by strong faith and prayer. Hylan found it hard to imagine, even though he knew the witness had no reason to make it up. But he knew that for several days afterward, Benedictus did not meet the now-orphaned girl until the will left by the fallen was revealed. They had appointed him as her guardian.
Hylan never had the chance to discuss the matter with Benedictus or understand his thoughts at the time. From what happened later, it seemed Benedictus was determined by the sudden responsibility and tried to approach unfamiliar things to live up to the fallen's trust.
The modest Wislanzo couple left their daughter a small inheritance. During that time, Benedictus investigated the best schools in Stormwind, consulted others, and concluded that the money might not be enough for the girl's education.
When a relative of the girl, a businessman, appeared, Benedictus saw an opportunity. The relative claimed he had a foolproof business venture but needed some cash flow. If he could temporarily borrow the inheritance, the girl would see a significant return within a month.
This sounded like an obvious scam, but Benedictus believed it. Hylan always thought this incident severely damaged Benedictus's dignity, leading to some of his later changes. Realizing one's naivety in areas outside one's expertise often damages more than just confidence in those areas.
The relative indeed had an easy profit venture. His promise of returns might have been credible, but it was never confirmed. Three weeks later, agents came to the church and questioned Benedictus. The supposed venture involved smuggling between the Alliance and the Horde. The inheritance, now considered illicit funds, was entirely confiscated.
This time, there was no need for anyone to discover Benedictus's deep depression; it was known throughout the church. The agents didn't view him as an accomplice, an unexpected leniency that didn't console him. His former anger and anxiety completely turned into something else. His eyes were so dull they seemed unable to face sunlight. He did nothing, sometimes sitting alone with a book, showing no signs of reading. After some time, he finally sought out Hylan for a conversation. His expression was now filled with determination and focus, without a hint of unease.
"I've decided to become her godfather. Father Hylan, please officiate the ceremony."
"Why do you want to do this? It's a very important matter, affecting both her and your life. Do you think you're making this decision with a clear mind and serious consideration?"
"I've been through a very confused and negative phase, but that's all behind me now. I certainly understand the sanctity of this matter, so I must do it. Besides, I'm already her legal guardian, so I should also take on the same responsibility religiously."
"I won't stop you, but I don't agree with this. During your care for her, you made a serious mistake, and almost everyone knows about it. Seeking to become her godfather now..."
"Father Hylan, I understand your point. I can admit: I want to atone for my sin, and to do that, I must force myself to shoulder greater responsibility. Before accepting the Wislanzo family's kindness, I pursued faith in the most obsessive way, unaware that it filled me with hatred—not the bloody imagery or violent impulses, but something deeper. It's like someone swimming in the middle of the sea for survival; at first, he might have hope, but gradually, his body cools, his limbs numb, and he sees no sign of a Shawl. A similar hatred grows in his heart. He hates the hopeless future, the redundant toil, and most importantly, he hates the self who understands all this. The Wislanzo family erased my hatred and allowed me to truly see faith. Now, this incident has made things even clearer. Protecting Bossia Wislanzo, ensuring she receives the best education, and keeping her away from all evil and darkness in this world is my path to faith. In the end, whether I am a true seeker of the Light or a blind self-deceiver will be judged by her growth."
"I believe you're sincere in what you say. But you must understand that you can't place the fulfillment of faith on one person."
"Why not?"
Why not?
"Because faith should be broad," Hylan replied, giving the correct but not deeply felt answer. "I hope you'll think this over carefully..."
"No need to consider further. If you're unwilling to officiate, that's regrettable. I'll find someone else."
At that moment, Hylan realized it was impossible to change Benedictus's mind. In the end, he chose to trust and bless his student.
A guard knocked on the door. Hylan turned away from Benedictus's portrait. He knew Bossia was coming in, and he had something important to say to her.
The tightly closed door opened just a finger's width.
Since then, much has changed. When learning about Bossia's abandonment of faith and the subsequent events, Hylan recalled his conversation with Benedictus before the ceremony. Perhaps it had foretold many outcomes.
"Perhaps someday you should tell her about her parents' inheritance. She would forgive you. It would also show your trust in her."
"I've thought about it," Benedictus said. "But it's better she doesn't know."