Hilsbeth sat on the bench in the corridor outside the choir rehearsal room, familiar melodies drifting to her ears through the closed door. This was her second time returning to the church and being rejected by the choir leader. "We are not some secular troupe," the leader had said ten minutes earlier. "You can't come and go as you please. Besides, you've been away for so many days, someone else has filled your spot."
She hadn't held much hope of rejoining the choir, but she didn't want to leave just yet. After thinking it over, she realized she did enjoy working there. The polished halls, the respectful and quiet audience, and the orchestra handling delicate instruments made the monotony of the performances tolerable. Being cautious, she hadn't made any friends, but at least she didn't have to worry as she did in Queen's Quarter. Now, she sat and listened attentively, trying to identify the voice that had replaced her, but her thoughts soon drifted back to that fateful day. In the days since, she felt as if she were tied by a rope to "that day," always circling back to those memories no matter what she did.
After Panthonia's brief visit, it took Hilsbeth a day and a half to sort out her thoughts, enough to calm down. Her conclusion, shifting slightly from "we are completely and utterly finished" to "I can't just wait for him to take me back," didn't change her resolve to take action for the child's sake. Having lived in Queen's Quarter since she was eight or nine, the inner city still seemed full of opportunities as long as she took the time to explore. Without the need to maintain a secret relationship with a man, her options expanded significantly. Living alone wasn't difficult, and if she couldn't return to the church choir, so be it! There would always be other ways.
She stood up and saw a priest walking towards her. She had a vague recollection of his face.
"Hello, Ms. Hilsbeth," the priest said. "As expected, you came to the church today."
"Who are you?"
"Hylan Ludwig. You might have heard of me; I've served Duke Koen for many years, overseeing various ceremonies at his estate."
Hilsbeth nodded, her gesture hurried due to a sudden rise of alertness.
"Do you need something?" she asked.
"I would like to talk to you... Let's find another place. Talking here might disturb the choir rehearsal."
She agreed. He led her to a small garden outside the church. During this short walk, Hilsbeth kept about four steps behind him. Every clergy member they passed greeted Hylan warmly. One seemed inclined to chat, but Hylan politely mentioned having other matters to attend to. These interactions eased Hilsbeth' alertness somewhat but also made her more nervous.
In the garden, Hilsbeth noticed a burn scar on the back of Hylan's neck. Seeing this unpleasant mark oddly reassured her. The bright but gentle sunlight, the occasional breeze swaying the flowers, a priest with a deep, respected voice, his spotless clothes embodying purity—all seemed overly positive, even threateningly so. The burn scar, a testament to the priest's past suffering, brought balance and a sense of reality to the scene.
"First, I must honestly tell you, Ms. Hilsbeth," Hylan said after choosing a secluded spot. "I am quite familiar with your situation."
"I don't understand what you mean."
"When you first left Queen's Quarter, it was I who suggested temporarily placing you in the church choir. I also know about your relationship with Mr. Panthonia and the necessity of your current separation."
"So... what Koen knows, you know too?"
"Yes."
Then he doesn't know about Aretta or my pregnancy.
"Koen must trust you a lot?"
"The Duke's long-standing trust is my greatest honor."
"You don't need to tell me that. Just say why you're here."
"I want you to meet someone."
"Who?"
Hylan fell silent for a moment, a strained smile of self-comfort on his face. His previous steady demeanor shifted to discomfort, and Hilsbeth frowned.
"The Duke's son, Phipin."
"Why should I see him?"
"To be precise, I hope you visit him."
"That still doesn't answer my question."
"You should know, Master Phipin has always been very frail. He's an unfortunate child, plagued by many severe illnesses since birth. The Duke has always provided the best medical care in the country for him, but... the last time he left home was for the dinner you attended with him. Recently, he's been confined to bed for rest. The doctors believe that within six months, his soul will be called to the realm of the Light."
"Are you saying... he's dying?"
"His journey in this world is nearing its end."
"Oh..."
Hilsbeth lowered her head slightly, looking at the flower bushes beside Hylan. She thought she saw a bee buzzing around, but it might have been some other tiny insect. She didn't know how to process this news or how to respond appropriately. She chose a question that veered off the core issue.
"Did Koen send you?"
"No, this is my personal action. Moreover, I can't let the Duke know about your meeting with Master Phipin..."
"Wait. I haven't agreed yet."
"Sorry, I seemed a bit hasty. Of course, I hope you'll agree, but I won't force you."
"Does Phipin know you came to find me?"
"To be honest, Master Phipin didn't directly ask me to. But from his sickbed, he has often expressed a wish to see you one last time. I dearly wish I could promise him that I will bring you to him, but if you're not willing, it would be meaningless."
"Why does he... insist on seeing me?"
"Master Phipin has fallen in love with you. He says you are the only person he cares about in this world, his love for you surpassing that for all his family members. As a priest, I can't morally endorse this statement, but I believe it comes from his heart and must be respected."
"I didn't do anything to him. I didn't intentionally..."
"I know, his admiration came as a surprise to you as well. But I believe his love is pure and undeniable. He told me he deeply regretted trying to give you a diamond necklace in Queen's Quarter. He admitted that it was a very childish and impractical act. Your rejection hurt him briefly, but ultimately, it strengthened his feelings. He also said that meeting you was the most spiritually fulfilling event in his nineteen years in this world..."
Throughout this explanation, Hylan became increasingly emotional, as if eager to share Phipin's feelings with someone, regardless of whether that person was Hilsbeth.
"Stop it. Don't suddenly say so much. Such words..."
"Sorry, I was just trying to convey Master Phipin's feelings accurately. I hope to persuade you."
"Think about it carefully. Would this really be good for him? You should know I haven't reciprocated his feelings."
"Of course. While I have no personal experience in this regard, I understand that young love is often blind, especially in Master Phipin's case. However, he has decided to hold onto this love until he leaves this world, so I firmly believe meeting you will be beneficial for him."
"Honestly, I feel uneasy. Duke Koen dislikes me. Now, you want to secretly bring me to see Phipin. This whole thing feels strange."
"Rest assured, I will do everything to keep it confidential. Please trust me."
"You know me, but I don't know you at all. I don't even know why you're taking this upon yourself."
"This is something I must do. Whether as a spreader of the Light or as a person in this world, I bear the same duty. There's a past event that no one should know, but I'm willing to share it to earn your trust." Before Hilsbeth could stop him, Hylan continued. "Six years ago, shortly after I started serving at the Duke's estate, a serious incident occurred. The separate building where Master Phipin lived caught fire. I rescued him from the fire, but I was left with permanent scars on my neck and back. I believed these real pains would earn Master Phipin's gratitude, but it was the opposite. Master Phipin hated me for it; he had started the fire himself. Being weak from birth and having misunderstandings with the Duke, he believed his life had no prospects and wanted to end it. After the fire, the Duke imposed stricter supervision, which made him more desperate. This incident made me question my actions for the first time in my faith. As a believer in the Light, I must save those around me from the path of suicide, but my actions increased Phipin's suffering and drove him further from faith. Whether saving him or not, I felt like a failure. For years, I dedicated myself to the sacred duties and religious education at the Duke's estate, not only for the Duke and Master Phipin but also to reaffirm my faith. Two days ago, Master Phipin finally thanked me for saving him, saying that had he left this world six years ago, he would never have met you, Hilsbeth. Seeing his pale but radiant smile when he said this, I knew my choice back then was correct, and my way of serving faith was right. Perhaps secretly deciding to bring you to him is indeed presumptuous, but I believe this is the right guidance of my renewed faith. Master Phipin needs you."
Hilsbeth bit her lip. Honestly, her immediate answer was still "no," but it wasn't Phipin or Hylan's fault. She didn't want to think about a man's feelings right now; apart from the child, she didn't want to be responsible for anyone else. She had taken these days to finally achieve emotional independence and couldn't waver so soon. She was almost starting to recall what Panthonia had said to her, wondering if he still needed her.
"Let me think about it," she said. "Just give me a day or two, okay?"
"Of course. As I mentioned before, forcing you would be meaningless."
"If I decide to go, I'll come to the church to find you. You're usually here at this time of day, right?"
"I'll be here for the next week."
"Then... goodbye. I'll leave now."
"Please wait, Miss Hilsbeth."
"What is it?"
"I heard you wanted to return to the church choir. Let me help you with that."
"No, that's not necessary."
"Please don't misunderstand; this isn't a condition for an exchange. These two matters are unrelated. Many believers appreciate you and miss your voice. Honestly, I'm one of your most devoted listeners. You don't have any other plans, do you?"
"Well... no."
"That's good. Please come with me."
This help was too difficult for Hilsbeth to refuse. Although Hylan emphasized that the two matters were unrelated, Hilsbeth felt she needed to prepare herself mentally for seeing Phipin again.
Phipin.
She didn't like him at all, but she had once been forced to kiss him.
That night, after mentioning that kiss to Panthonia...
Hilsbeth lifted her head, letting the blinding sunlight dispel the memories she least needed right now.