"Yanyi, what's wrong, are you feeling unwell?" Qin Jiran noticed Su Yanyi's silence and the changes in her expression. His brows furrowed with worry almost as soon as he saw her red eyes and he asked with great concern.
"You, don't want a divorce?" Su Yanyi's voice was somewhat sour, yet her tone was exceedingly grave, as if she was facing the most important choice in her life.
"I..." Of course not! But how could he say such a thing aloud? Even though he was utterly unwilling in his heart, he couldn't bear to see Su Yanyi suffer at all. Looking at her current state, he even began to resent that he had just brought up the question himself.
He had already decided to follow Su Yanyi's wishes, knowing well her unwillingness to be in this marriage. Why did he ask and trouble her? It was really inexcusable!
How would she view him now? Would she think he clung to power and didn't want to divorce? Would she think he was greedy for more, not knowing satisfaction? Would she dislike and loathe him even more?
He had always been trying his best to do everything well, working hard at acting, working hard at his job, also striving not to be detested by her, trying to make her like him. But the result was so despairing; all of his efforts couldn't even earn a smile from her.
Perhaps a divorce was really the best choice for her, allowing her no longer to be bound by this marriage, letting her freely do the things she wanted. And as for him, it would be enough to simply watch over her silently from a place she couldn't see, quietly adoring her.
"I'll make breakfast. After we've eaten, we can go and complete the procedures." Qin Jiran was always a man of decisiveness. Having thought it through, no matter how painful it was in his heart, as long as it was the best choice for Su Yanyi, he would go through with it without hesitation.
Su Yanyi was momentarily stunned; Qin Jiran's reaction was too unexpected. How could a man who clearly loved her agree to divorce so readily?
But then Su Yanyi understood the crux of the matter. Wasn't the Qin Jiran of her past life just as resolute? She had thought it was because he didn't care, but now with full knowledge of everything, she could also understand Qin Jiran's feelings—this man must have foolishly agreed to the divorce because of her.
Realizing this made Su Yanyi feel an even greater sense of guilt—a heartache that was uncomfortably sour.
"Let's eat. We can talk about the divorce later." No matter his reasons for agreeing to the divorce, she didn't want it, at least not now.
Whether out of guilt or for some other reason, Su Yanyi was willing to give them both another chance to be together.
Qin Jiran's cooking skills were excellent. Being an orphan, he had been self-reliant from a young age. But the breakfast he made today had an undercurrent of nervousness. He didn't know what was with Su Yanyi, who kept watching him cook, almost leading him to mistake sugar for salt in the dishes.
The atmosphere during breakfast was also a bit strange. Qin Jiran tried to maintain silence and focus on his meal, but he could still feel Su Yanyi's intense gaze on him, making him uncomfortable all over. Many times, he wanted to ask Su Yanyi what she was looking at—was it because he hadn't washed his face?
Thinking this, Qin Jiran felt even more uneasy. Because of the matter of the divorce, he had unknowingly spent the night sitting outside Su Yanyi's bedroom door. He must not look good at this moment, and he wondered if that would make Su Yanyi despise him even more.
Beyond Su Yanyi's gaze, Qin Jiran's heart was also preoccupied with certain thoughts. Su Yanyi had said that the topic of divorce could be discussed later; did "later" imply a decision not to divorce? At least, did it mean that they didn't have to divorce for the time being?
What was Su Yanyi's temperament like? Everyone who knew her, including him, was aware that she was a typical self-centered individual, very opinionated, and would not change her mind for anyone. Describing her as arrogant and stubborn was not an exaggeration. This implied that any decision made by Su Yanyi was unlikely to change.
But now, with the matter of divorce, Su Yanyi had changed her mind; how could this not leave him puzzled?
All the doubts he harbored could only be kept inside; he had no right to question her. However, the possibility of not divorcing for the time being was a good thing. Although their marital relationship had always been very cold, he still cherished it exceedingly.
Perhaps it was because he knew that he had very little, so even a little bit that he obtained was treasured immensely!
Su Yanyi looked over at Qin Jiran while contently eating her breakfast. Qin Jiran's culinary skills were truly excellent. Silver fungus porridge paired with steamed dumplings and a few stir-fried dishes—after two years of being in a vegetative state, just looking at the meal moved Su Yanyi profoundly.
It's true that one only appreciates what they've lost.
"Jiran." A simple address, but it was the first time Su Yanyi had called Qin Jiran with such closeness.
Qin Jiran was clearly startled, then with a mix of disbelief and unease, he tentatively asked, "What is it?"
"The breakfast is very good… Thank you." Su Yanyi, expressing gratitude, felt somewhat uncomfortable, but still said "thank you" very earnestly. She was not only thanking him for the meal but also for everything Qin Jiran had done for her!
She might not be able to return Qin Jiran's deep and sincere affection with the same feelings because she simply did not understand what it was like to like someone; it was too foreign to her. However, the promise she once made in her heart was indeed real.
If I can awake, if there is an afterlife, I will do everything in my power to ensure your well-being!
"You're welcome. If you like it, I will make it again in the future," said Qin Jiran, his tone betraying an uncontrollable excitement. It was the first time Su Yanyi had praised him like this. His heart rate picked up significantly, and he felt as though he was dreaming.
The twenty-eight-year-old Qin Jiran was two years older than the twenty-six-year-old Su Yanyi. Not long ago, he became the youngest actor to win the Starlight Award in the country. His public image had always been one of lofty distance, cool detachment, handsome and commanding, with the air of a male deity best admired from afar and not easy to approach. Only in front of Su Yanyi would he resemble a boy with a crush, revealing such an awkward expression.
Seeing Qin Jiran like this, Su Yanyi couldn't help but swear at herself internally. How blind had she been not to have seen this man's feelings for her! It was utterly inexcusable!
…