I watched as Rias pouted when she realised that I had ditched them instead of explaining. I thought about revealing myself but decided against it when I realised that I was in the Devil hometurf and that I really didn't want to go around drawing attention to my Akimitsu persona with the devils.
They'd definitely try to recruit me or pull some other bullshit excuse to get close to me. I was already pushing the line with Rias. I hadn't even told the Seraph about the fact that I was trying to get in her pants. Though I had a inkling that some of my Pseudo-Harem had suspicions on what I was doing.
Seeing that things were being dealt with I teleported back to heaven and dropped my invisibility. Kushina greeted me with a kiss and handed me Himari, our daughter.
"Papa!" She giggled while giving me her best attempts at a hug.
Kushina had a wide smile on her face, Natasha and the girls joined us moments later. Thalia supporting her pregnant belly.
"How did it go?" Kushina asked.
"As expected, Rias won, no thanks to my training, the old faction attacked though, and so did some humans who I suspect are either reincarnated heros or descendants of said heroes."
"Should I go send a search team?" Yelena asked.
I shook my head, "They're not important. What's important is that I feel I've neglected you guys."
Natasha sighed, "Maybe a little bit, we're all really busy at times though so it's not really your fault."
"No it's totally my fault, I dragged you from your worlds and brought you here. The least I could do is take care of you to make up for it."
"You don't have to do that." Yelena muttered.
"But I want to. So go ahead, what do you want to do?"
"I'd like to see how everyone back home is doing." Natasha said without any hesitation, Yelena nodding along.
"I wouldn't mind visiting Annie." Thalia added.
"Heaven is pretty boring." Kushina smiled.
I sighed, "So everyone is on board with a little trip?"
"Yeah." "Sure." "Why not." They all responded at once.
"Daddy… you weren't going to leave me again were you?" Gabriel suddenly appeared nearly making me jump.
"No! Of course not sweetie, go grab Ophis too. I don't want to leave here here in heaven unattended."
"Okay!" Gabriel happily replied before flashing away.
"So where to first?" Thalia asked.
"Let's go to Natasha and Yelena's world first."
"Wonder how everyone is doing?" Natasha hummed.
[Scene Break]
We arrived in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and immediately I felt something was off. I wracked my brain to see if I forgot anything all those years ago that I had left. With a short scan I found that only a few months had passed since then, I made a change and synced the flow of time with the DxD/HP world.
I don't know why I didn't do this sooner, sending out a pulse of power I sensed Tony in the looming Avenger's tower.
I teleported everyone there and frowned when I saw the state that the tower was in. Machinery littered the ground floor, the walls were stained with scorch marks and bullet holes. The second I stepped forward to inspect a wrecked robot looking thing, turrets popped up on the ceiling and aimed at me.
"Halt intru- Sensing friendly presence… identify yourself."
A smooth robotic voice spoke from the PA system. I couldn't help but to notice that it wasn't JARVIS. I looked around the room and spotted a hidden door along with cameras in every corner of the room.
"Tony, it's me Joe… I'm back with Natasha and her sister. Why don't you come out and tell me what happened."
The turrets powered down after several moments, the hidden door slid open and Tony stumbled out. Dark circles under his eyes indicating that he hadn't gotten any sleep. His face was unshaven and his hair disheveled. All in all, he looked like shit.
"Joe? Why did you come back? No, never mind that… we need your help."
"What the fuck happened here Tony?" Gabriel and Yelena helped him down onto a relatively intact seat.
Natasha drew her weapon and made a motion to signal that she was going to look around. I nodded at her, Kushina held our daughter close as Kaguya emerged from her shadow to protect the two of them.
"Some high tech asshole came in a few weeks after you left. Said they were some agency that fixed timelines. They- they brought back the stones somehow, and the purple guy, Thanos."
"What the fuck…"
"Aki-koi?"
I looked over to my wife, "I think I know what happened here. If I'm right, I'm going to have a lot of fun destroying some people who think they're above everyone else."
Then a glowing rectangular opening appeared in the room, Yelena and Gabriel stood in front of Tony protectively as the turrets re-emerged and pointed towards the ethereal door.
Dozens of strangely armoured men poured out of the glowing opening. They had battons with glowing ends on them pointed at everyone in the room.
"Anomaly you will come with us or be Pruned!" One of the men shouted.
My eyes narrowed subconsciously at the weirdos, 'Who the fuck are these people?'
"Anomaly you will be GAK!"
The armoured man crumbled to dust and everyone's head snapped over to Kaguya who had her hand up and another bone spear ready to shoot.
"Begone vermin, learn when you are unwanted." She said in her cold voice.
The men didn't listen, they rushed at the women seemingly seeing them as less of a threat. Unfortunately for them, their commotion had woken up Ophis who scowled. It was the rare moment where she actually showed emotions on her face.
Black snakes leapt from her shadows and immediately started violating the men. Kaguya shielded Kushina and Himari from the gory sight. Though I suspect she mainly shielded Himari.
"Bad move fuckos, nobody attacks my family and lives. Nobody."
With a casual flex of my power I vaporised the surviving men and stepped through the glowing door, I hoped that it would lead me to wherever these men came from.
Thankfully I was right, I stepped into a strange office like building and glanced around. More armoured men surrounded me. A haughty looking woman in a business suit glared at me.
"You made a mistake Anomaly, your Infinity Stone powers won't work here. Prepare to be pru-
She didn't get to finish her sentence as I turned her into fine red mist with a flick of my wrist. Everyone gaped, I continued to stand in place.
"You people seem to think that you run things. It's also been a while since I've let Old Testament me run rampant. Thank you for volunteering yourselves to be my target dummies." I felt an evil grin form on my face as I loosened my hold on the wrathful side of my personality.
The armoured men charged at me, glowing stick aimed right at my chest out of curiosity I let one touch me and chuckled darkly when I felt it try to send me to another location. Marking the location mentally I raised an eyebrow at the man who had landed the attack.
"Was that supposed to do something?"
That seemed to break whatever sanity he had as he started laughing loudly. I punched through his chest and ripped his heart out, turning his laughs into gurgling sounds.
Sensing another man rushing at me I shoved the bloodied heart down that man's throat before kicking him over to a wall. His body practically exploded showering everyone in gore.
I shifted my eyes and smirked when the men stepped back at the sight of silvery ringed orbs. I raised a hand, my grin never leaving my face.
"Let's see how long it takes for me to wipe all of you out."
[Scene Break]
I was shocked… it took me much longer to wipe out the meddling bastards than I had expected. It wasn't that they were strong, no. They were pathetically weak, even more so that regular humans.
It took so long because there was just so many of them. More than I had expected to be at least. It took me nearly thirty minutes to kill everyone that needed killing.
A lot of the people in suits spewed something about the timeline being destroyed but honestly, nothing changed. They all died like the scum they were. After slaughtering the group of meddlers I reanimated a few corpses to run whatever 'essential' systems they had.
I saw some logic in making sure that people who discovered time travel didn't fuck anything up too badly. I teleported back to Avengers tower and was greeted by the rest of the Avengers who must have arrived while I was dealing with the meddlers.
"Steve, Clint, Bruce, Wanda, Pietro… nice to see you guys again."
Steve gave me a handshake, Bruce nodded in my direction while Clint went off with Natasha to catch up. Wanda and Pietro spoke with Kushina and the teenagers coo'ed at my giggling daughter.
"Is it over?" Tony came over and asked.
"Yeah, I dealt with them. By the way where is everyone else?"
"Thor and Loki are off world, obviously… Pepper, she's with our daughter. Fury is off doing whatever retired spies do, and Steve's handicapped friend is off doing something with Sam."
"Huh… no one has dealt with the purple asshole yet?"
"No, some bald lady told us that you'd deal with it. Said something about you doing it more efficiently than we could do and to just leave it with you."
"And you actually listened? Wow Tony, I'm surprised."
Tony rolled his eyes, "Yeah I can listen too, I met a wizard named Strange… he really put into perspective how much of a dick I sounded like to other people."
"So you finally met someone with a bigger ego that you?"
"Don't even get me started, so are you going to deal with the purple guy alone or do you want some help?"
"I can do it alone, though if you guys are a bit bored then I wouldn't mind the company."
"Sure, I've been meaning to test a few new suits I based on Asgardian tech."
"The Asgardian's just let you study their tech?"
"No, but there was that gun the SHIELD had, I borrowed that for a bit and reverse engineered it."
"Only you Tony." I sighed.
"So, are we going to go fight?" Steve asked.
I thought about it, "Sure why not, let's make a trip out of it. Where is the purple nurple?"
"Space." Rhodes grumbled.
"Really? He's just been up there the whole time?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Without the infinity stones, he doesn't see this planet as a target worth attacking." A feminine voice added.
The bald headed Ancient One, stepped out of a portal and gave me a small smile. She still wore the Eye amulet around her neck despite it being filled with nothing but a simple glowing green rock that let the user see a few days into the past.
A decoy I had put up to cover my ass when I had Reality Stoned the Time Stone to myself. Though, from what I sensed, she wasn't even mad and she was fully aware that it was a fake.
"Bald Lady!" Gabriel pointed at the Ancient One.
The Ancient One smiled softly at the bubbly Seraph, "Lady Gabriel… I am honoured to meet you again."
'Eh?'
"Sorry… I don't remember you." Gabriel laughed nervously.
'Oi! At least be subtle about it!' I wanted to laugh at the downcast look on the Ancient One's face. Clearly Gabriel had done something for her in the past. Seeing that she's been around for a while, I didn't put it past Gabriel to have accidentally stumbled into this world in the past, helped the Ancient One out, then completely forgot about it the second she got home.
Gabriel took on a thinking look, she cupped her chin as she observed the downcast Sorcerer Supreme.
"Oh yeah! I remember you now, you were a warrior queen at one point right? Your name was Boudi-"
"There's no need to use my old name." The Ancient One laughed as she clapped a hand over Gabriel's mouth.
'Interesting, I want to question why she's still around when Tony mentioned Strange already being a wizard, must have hurt his hands some other way and since she never died, he never got humbled.'
I nodded at my own theory, it made sense to me and I didn't want to question things further. I felt like it would only give me more questions and a migraine.
"Right… back on the topic of flying monkey in space."
[Scene Break]
I had everyone encased in a protective bubble as we floated in the void of space. Thanos' ship was sitting idly as we watched it. I could sense the life force of him and his army so they weren't dead, they were just not doing anything.
"Should we even attack? It's not like they're doing anything." Kushina asked me.
I glanced over to her and shrugged, "Doesn't really matter, this guy is a genocidal maniac though."
Kaguya emerged from her shadow to give me a deadpan look;
"You killed my entire species… I don't think you can call anyone a 'Genocidal Maniac'." She muttered as she sunk back into Kushina's shadow before I could reply.
"You killed an entire species?" Clint looked at me in shock.
"What?! I'm God, it's literally in my job description to be vindictive and to hand out Old Testament punishments like candy to people I don't like.
"Still… wiping out an entire race." Steve said weakly.
"If it makes you guys feel better, her race was 100 times worse than Thanos and Hitler combined. They saw all other races as cattle they could farm for power."
"Yeah… that makes killing all of them so much better." Tony quipped.
"To be fair, there was only like ten of them left. They had killed each other already in some sort of battle royal to see who was the strongest of their race. Kaguya, the lady in my wife's shadow, was one of them."
"Wife huh? When did that happen, and Nat, how do you feel about this?"
Natasha shrugged as I responded to Clint, "Long story short, I went to a world of ninja's and spent some time there. I got attached to her and boom, next thing you know, she's the mother to my children."
"And I knew what I was signing up for when I started a relationship with a god." Natasha added.
"Don't forget that you were my Sensei." Kushina said with a teasing smile.
"Ooo, a student teacher relationship. Very naughty…" Tony grinned.
Steve looked conflicted, "And Thalia?"
"Right… that sort of just happened, she's also having my baby."
Thalia blushed and looked away as everyone's eyes turned to her. She put on a brave face before responding.
"He saved me from a bad situation, to be honest I was starting to develop feelings for him."
"Her stupid dad turned her into a tree." Gabriel added.
Everyone's head snapped back to Thalia who looked even more embarrassed at the looks she was getting.
"I was protecting my friends and I got injured, my dad, Zeus, thought it was a smart idea to turn me into a tree so I wouldn't die."
"Wait your dad is Zeus?" Tony asked with a shocked look.
"That's what you got from all that?" Rhodes glanced at Tony from where he had been silently observing.
"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she was a tree at some point." Clint muttered to Bruce who nodded.
"Guys, we're getting distracted here. We came to space to deal with Thanos not talk about our man's love life and slowly expanding harem." Yelena interrupted everyone.
"It's not a Harem…." I mumbled as Kushina patted my shoulder.
"It kind of is…" She replied.
I sighed, "Fine then, let's just get this over with. We have a lot of other worlds to go visit."
"How are we doing this?" Steve was the first one to get his mind back in the situation.
"Like last time?" I looked over to Clint and Natasha.
Everyone looked at the two former teammates, "Last time?"
"Yeah, we teleported everyone to a big old field then had an old fashioned 'rush at each other with malicious intent' fight." Clint spoke up.
"So a free for all?" Steve asked for clarification.
"More or less, though we watch each others backs the whole time, there are some of us here that don't have powers after all."
Everyone looked at Tony who shuggered, "What? I'm rich… that is a super power if you think about it."
Rhodes looked like he wanted to slap the back of Tony's head but decided against it. The two in Ironman armour closed their helmets. The rest of the war party nodded and I teleported us to a wide open field in a pocket dimension.
A few moments later, when everyone was ready, and set up, I teleported Thanos and his army a few hundred meters away from us. The Chitauri grunts screeched at us as the flying whale monsters slowly swam towards us.
"Right, the one with the fewest takedowns pays for the food later." I threw out as I summoned my sword.
[Scene Break]
Less than an hour later we stood in the center of a decimated field. The alien army lay broken around us. Thanos was missing his limbs and being used by Ophis as a target dummy for her snakes.
His screams of pain were ignored since everyone was focused on counting up the kills.
"My final count is 437." Steve said.
"348…" Clint raised a hand.
"There's about 1000 between Tony and I." Rhodes added.
"We'll call it 500 for each of you then." I replied.
Tony grumbled, "Communist…"
Chuckling I continued to listen to their kill counts, Natasha and Yelena got around 600 each, Thalia got an even 400, Bruce got 278 of the grunts but 4 of the flying whales. Kushina got nearly 800 using her chains alone. Ophis and Kaguya only got around 100 each since they toyed with their opponents, torturing each one before they killed them. Gabriel a respectable 391, even while she was watching everyone and healing any injuries.
"So everyone is in the triple digits, what about you oh benevolent god?" Tony asked with a grin.
"I vaporised a solid thousand of them, then there were the hundreds I turned inside out and the ones I crushed in my dragon form. So all in all, I got exactly 2,754…"
Everyone just looked at me with varying looks of disbelief. Kushina, Natasha, and Yelena looked at me with annoyed, 'seriously?' looks while Thalia had a look of awe on her face.
"You really kept track of all your kills one by one?" Tony asked me slowly.
"Of course… I'm God, I have an excellent memory." I replied.
Natasha rolled her eyes, "Yeah? You literally forgot your own birthday once."
"I'm God, my birthday is everyday." I replied with a benevolent smile.
Kushina put a hand on my shoulder, "If you ever forget our daughters birthday or any other important date… I'm going to have Kurama-chan use you as a chew toy."
"Right…" I looked away from the evil smile Kushina was giving me and turned back to everyone else, "Clint's paying for the food."
Kushina's grip on my shoulder tightened when I changed the subject, her looks conveyed annoyance and a tiny bit of amusement.
"Seriously? Why me? I'm the poorest one here compared to everyone else." Clint complained.
Tony sighed, "Fine, party back in my place then."
[Scene Break]
The party carried long into the night, everyone had ordered different types of food for an overall feast. I could have conjured up some food, though I found that food you didn't have to put any effort into making or buying yourself tended to taste better.
As the get together turned party winded down, Tony came up to me and started speaking.
"Hey, do you think world peace is achievable?"
"Do you want the Old Testament answer or the New Testament answer?"
"That bad?" Tony sighed.
"Not really no… the biggest factor is free will. I've been saying that for a while. Humans aren't inherently evil but humans all have the capacity for great evil."
"So humans are the problem?" Tony laughed mirthlessly.
"Yes and no, humans are the issue but humans can also be the solution."
"How would you go about getting world peace, personally I mean."
I thought for a moment, "Subjectively speaking, my past incarnation already tried to force it, Great Flood, Plagues of Egypt and all. It didn't work out, so I would probably try the 'understanding' route and just get everyone to get along."
"Thats a tall order…" Tony sighed, "just getting people to stop hating each other over species is hard enough as is."
"You know, you could just traumatise everyone into getting along." I shrugged, thinking about Pein and Obito in the Narutoverse had I not come along.
Those dudes managed to unify villages of murder wizards that hated each other with a passion through terrorist attacks.
"Yeah I'm not gonna do that." Tony chuckled before continuing, "Though, I have an idea for this AI program that coul-
"Tony I'm gonna stop you right there… AI isn't the way to go."
"What? It's not like it's gonna go Skynet on everyone…" he laughed but trailed off when he saw my serious face, "right?"
"Here let me show you what would happen if you fuck around with AI." I replied before tapping him on the forehead.
It was just a distraction though, I subtly used my Sharingan to put him in a Tsukiyomi and made him live through the plot of Age of Ultron. A few seconds later he let out a startled gasp and looked at me fearfully.
"Fuck… that would have been bad." He had a hand on his chest.
"Beyond bad, people would have died."
"That was so realistic… was that some sort of illusion spell?"
I smiled, "Something like that…"
"Whatever, I need a drink after that, want one? Oh who am I kidding, you can just poof one up for yourself out of thin air."
Tony stalked away towards the mini bar. I felt Kushina lean against my side as I continued to watch everyone mingling. I would jump us back to the Narutoverse soon, then I'd take Thalia to visit Olympus and Camp Halfblood. I also noted that I should check on the Potters and the Longbottoms, it had been quite some time since I saw them.