The school break was over now and things were getting back to normal. Not for Felix though.
He was at home lying down on his bed, staring at his phone in contemplation. He wanted to send a text or call, but he didn't really have the balls to do it.
The last message he'd received from him was from a few days before resumption and it was simple.
Psalm: Think about what I said and give me an answer whenever you've decided.
He had thought about it. His words haunted him every day from that moment and he just couldn't escape it.
Felix was in a dilemma. He'd heard and read stories about guys getting confessed to not knowing that it was a plan to lure them out of the closet, not knowing that the person felt total disgust and that they'd be exposed, hurt and ridiculed. That scared him. But he also kind of believed Psalm.
"I don't think I can vouch for him," Ada said when he'd told her his worries. "I'm happy he said he likes you, no lie. But I too have seen and heard situations like this that turned out to be…not so good." She sighed. "I don't think anything will even happen to him even if he turns out to be deceiving you though. He's rich and really powerful."
Felix knew that unfortunate truth. But he also knew that Psalm hadn't done anything to make him doubt him. Though they weren't really close, he seemed open to him.
He didn't want to meet at the music department to avoid any awkward meeting with Psalm. So they stayed near his own department, seated under a mango tree.
"I think he's a cool guy, though I haven't known him too long. He's my senior so we're not necessarily friends," Ada said. "But I think…maybe you should take the risk? But I understand your fears too."
"I'll think about it deeply today," Felix finally said. "I don't want to keep thinking about this forever. He hasn't bothered me for an answer though, which I'm grateful for."
"Do you like him?" Ada asked, glancing at him, struggling to push her hair, which was being blown by the cold breeze, away from her face.
Felix nodded. "I've liked other people too, but never approached anyone. For valid reasons."
"Yeah. But now someone's approached you. And a hot someone too."
He rolled his eyes at her smile. "I just wanted to focus on my studies, do so well that'd I'd probably be offered a scholarship or something. Make my family proud before anything else."
"I know. But maybe this is a good opportunity… I mean, I respect Psalm as a person, but don't forget how rich he is. He could make your life better with the blink of an eye."
Felix laughed. "You're right. But that's not what's on my mind now. And I don't know how to use anyone for money. If I knew how, I would've used you for all you're worth."
Ada joined in the laughter. "I know. That's why they say that opposites attract sometimes."
"I guess you're right."
Their conversation ended on a lighter note. They started talking about Ada's holiday, at least the things she hadn't properly explained.
*****
"What the fuck?"
He was back home, scrolling through Instagram as usual when he saw a video, then photos. He literally saw red.
Psalm was cozy with a girl. Her face wasn't seen, but it didn't matter. Felix was mad and didn't care whether what he felt was jealousy. It didn't matter! Just when he was contemplating giving him an answer, he decides to go to some club or bar and meet a girl. So he liked guys and girls? Or did he just like girls? Was he just lying to Felix? Did he even have a right to be mad?
All the negative thoughts that he'd pushed down suddenly came up and wanted to torment him as he stayed awake for the longest time and just fell asleep because of exhaustion. But not before deciding that he was going to confront Psalm.
The next day came quickly and Felix was prepared. The other night, he'd texted Psalm to come over that he'd wanted to talk to him. Remembering what he saw though, he was able to get ready quickly and got out to see Psalm waiting in his car in front of his house.
Psalm smiled when he saw him. "Hi."
Felix got into the car and gave him a simple nod before blurting, "You're straight."
"Huh?"
Felix got more annoyed by his pretence but he continued. "I can't date you because it's obvious that you like girls. Instead of putting in effort to decieve me, you should put the same effort into something else."
Just as he was about to get out of the car, his arm was gripped by Psalm. He knew he couldn't fight him till he said his piece, so he didn't resist.
"Where did all of these come from?" Psalm asked lowly.
Felix said nothing, instead he took out his phone from his pocket to show him what he saw the other night.
He watched Psalm's brows furrow as he said, "What does this have to do with anything?"
Felix laughed in disbelief. "You obviously like girls and–"
"I do, sometimes," he admitted. "But I also like you."
"Then why–"
"That's a video of me and my cousin though," Psalm interrupted. "I'm not interested in anyone but you, and there's a reason I told you to think about what I said."
Felix looked at him in disbelief.
Psalm seemed calm, but he also looked like he wanted Felix to trust him. "That's a video of me and my cousin Zainab. You can check her Instagram account @sheiszainab to see proof that it's her. That I was with her." He continued to explain himself, "She's been gone for a while. The club I was at belongs to her and I frequently go there."
Felix was partially convinced, but he didn't say anything. He wanted to search the Instagram account by himself to be one hundred percent sure. Psalm didn't seem to be panicking or worried about him searching for her. But he seemed worried that he'd leave the car at any moment before he convinced him.
"Oh."
Turns out he wasn't lying. And now Felix was utterly embarrassed. So embarrassed that he didn't look up at Psalm when he called his name.
"If you still don't believe me, I could show you my phone and–"
Felix waved him off. "It's cool. I understand."
He heard Psalm sigh in relief beside him.
"So… Do you still want to talk about the date?" Psalm asked. "Do you want to go out me?"
Felix nodded.
"I'm guessing that's a…yes?"
Felix nodded again.
Psalm gave another sigh of relief as he responded. "I'll pick you up tonight if you're free."
Felix let out a small okay as he opened the door and almost started running out of the car to his gate. He didn't turn to look at Psalm even when he heard his name being called. His face was as red as a tomato and he didn't want Psalm to see that. Gosh, he was so fucking embarrassed. And now he had no ride to his class.
Honestly, it was better to walk a to his class than to stay in the same car as Psalm, dying of embarrassment because he jumped to conclusions.