A pounding at the door made everyone jump. Kazekabe's heart rate spiked - had the landlord already come for the eviction?
The Sins immediately tensed up, swirling into defensive stances. Even Sloth managed to rouse herself from her languor.
The door swung open to reveal a withered, balding old man in a ratty bathrobe - the notoriously miserly landlord Ricky himself. He couldn't actually see the Sins, just thinking the place was regularly haunted like everyone else.
Ricky took one look around the apartment with his perpetually sour expression and it somehow managed to curdle even further.
"You! The sad sack who always misses the rental deadlines!" Ricky stabbed a bony finger accusingly at Kazekabe. "I was coming to toss your keister out on the street for being late again!"
Kazekabe shrank back, bracing for the fallout. But then, bizarrely, Ricky's scowl softened just a hair.
...Ricky looked at Kazekabe, "Speaking of which - you keep managing to stick around in this mildew trap each month somehow. Maybe it's time I stopped being a tightfisted miser about this place."
He snapped his fingers, seemingly making a decision. "Alright, here's the deal, ghost-boy. I'm gonna sign the deed for this dump over to you, free and clear. Save me the hassle of finding tenants willing to live somewhere 'haunted'."
Kazekabe's jaw dropped. "You're...giving me the apartment?"
"For now," Ricky said gruffly. "But on one condition - you gotta keep living here at least 10 years. A minimum residency agreement, let's call it. Spooks out any other potential tenants nearby with your...situation."
He jabbed a finger at Kazekabe. "But if you try bailing early, you gotta pay me 10 times the property value in penalties. Pronto."
The unseen Sins swirled around in stunned silence as Ricky spelled out the unexpected offer. Finally, Greed found her voice.
"D-Did he just say...free housing??" She sounded faint at the prospect.
"For a decade, but yes!" Pride's booming tones quickly regained their naturally self-important cadence. "Oh, to be gifted such a sumptuous estate in recognition of our--"
"Can it, Prissy Britches!" Wrath cut her off. "Who cares about the reason? We hit the motherload of squatter's rights, that's what matters!"
Lust blew a sulky puff of lavender. "I suppose it does make things more...convenient, not having to constantly tiptoe around a landlord's prying."
"You mean like when you tried shtupping the guy?!" Gluttony's raucous laughter sprayed bits of month-old burger across the room.
As the Sins began bickering over the unexpected windfall, Sloth simply turned a lethargic smile towards Kazekabe.
"Well, well...it seems our little den of inertia just became yours. For a good long while at least."
She let that sink in before adding, "No more looming rent crunch forcing you into panic mode every month. Just...comfort and stability. To heal, grow, take root..."
Ricky watched Kazekabe's stunned expression with a look between amusement and disgust.
"So, we got a deal then, haunted helper? Or am I gonna have to put up with more of your...atmospheric friends' prattling?"
Kazekabe took a steadying breath, then extended his hand. "Deal."
Ricky nodded brusquely and turned to shuffle out, already dismissing the apartment from his thoughts. As he reached the door, he paused and looked back.
"And uhh...feel free to get any professional deprogrammers or exorcists on the premises. Might finally clear this dang place out once and for all."
Then, with a slam of the door, he was gone. Leaving Kazekabe the proud new owner of a supposedly haunted fixer-upper.
Surrounded by his bickering, squabbling, chaotic roommates, the prospect of 10 years under the same roof with them should have felt daunting.
But as Sloth's words rang out, Kazekabe realized with a start - for the first time in a long time, he had a TRUE feeling of home settling over him. A permanent foundation to build himself back up from, free from the corrosive fear of looming eviction.
He was safe. He could breathe. The smothering pressures that fed his darkest spirals were, temporarily at least, held at bay.
As the Sins' celebrations swirled around him, Kazekabe simply basked in the sensation of having a place to put down roots, in every sense. It was an unexpected blessing he wouldn't take for granted.
And who knows? With his spiritual roomies there to keep life...interestingly apocalyptic...maybe the next decade wouldn't feel so bad after all.