A week went by and still nothing. I had done my best to avoid running into him, but now I didn't want to anymore. The longer nothing happened, my feelings toward him only blossomed. He hadn't told anyone my secret, and he hadn't tried to take advantage of it himself. My mind told me that it was because he was the decent man I believed him to be, and it was getting harder to avoid him. I questioned whether his surprise was for a completely different reason and he hadn't figured out that I was a woman. It was possible, but the feeling in my gut knew for sure that he had found out. The way he looked at me denied any other possibility.
The image of his perfectly masculine face was burned into my eyes with the expression of realization. I knew in the depths of my soul that he knew. I wanted nothing more than to find him so I could thank him for keeping my secret. I stopped trying to avoid him and even waited a few minutes in the lobby before leaving for work and after I came home, hoping that he might walk by me. When he didn't, I continued on my way with disappointment. Waiting for him to show up someplace was torture, and I worried that I might never see him again.
One night, I was walking home when the eerily feeling of eyes on me made me halt. I was beside that same alleyway, and once again, saw his eyes. Every time I saw this meth head he was in even worse shape. I wished that he would go get some help instead of staring at me every time I walked home. I continued to walk down the sidewalk and waited a few moments before turning my head to look behind me. I wasn't expecting to see anything since he hadn't come out of that alley after me before.
I looked behind me just in case but was disturbed to see that he was standing outside of the alley and on the sidewalk behind me. He wasn't moving other than his addictive shaking. His eyes were wide and he had a creepy smile as his eyes locked onto me. He wasn't following me, but that was the first time he had gotten closer to me. I quickly turned and hastily walked away until I reached my apartment building. Once I was in the lobby I felt a little relief. I took a couple of deep breaths until I noticed a shadow pass by me. My nerves locked up again to see my goth prince stride down the hall toward the basement door.
I was leaning against the wall so he didn't notice me as he walked inside. I panicked at how fast he was going to escape from my view, and who knew when I would see him again. I wanted to stop him, but he was already too far from me. If I called to him I would reveal to everyone within hearing distance that I was a woman. I was about to lose hope when I saw something small drop from his person. It was a black and gold pen that didn't make any noise as it hit the ground. He didn't notice that he had dropped it and started going down the stairs. Suddenly, the opportunity brought my hope back to me.
I quickly ran over to the pen and picked it up off of the floor. I felt his leftover body heat from the pocket he was carrying the pen in and buzzed at the warmth of it. I shook off the distracting thought and turned to the door. I still had time to run after him and return it. All I had to do was go downstairs. Fear started to take over me as I felt the vibrations of the rave going on below my feet. I prepared myself for the danger and whatever the hell I would see going on down there. I forced myself to grab the knob and pull the heavy door open. The party going on inside became extremely loud once the door was open, and I couldn't believe that people could go down there without shattering their eardrums.
I moved my hands over my hood to block my ears and took another deep breath before going down the metal stairs. The stairs had holes in them so I could see that people were dancing below me. The metal slabs were attached to the cement wall beside me and a railing eventually appeared once the wall stopped to become part of the ceiling of the basement. It was barely light enough to see anything and flashing lasers filled the room. The music rang in my head from how loud it was and the place was packed. The dancefloor was crowded with energetic people jacked on ecstasy and gang members snorted cocaine off of hookers' stomachs on the torn-up couches in the corners.
So many people were making out and doing unspeakable things to each other in public that I couldn't look at anyone without blushing. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I pushed past the crowd and started to sweat from how hot it was in this room. The coat didn't help the baking temperature and I forced myself through the party and into the hallway that led to the basement apartments. Once I passed the threshold of the swinging doors, I gasped at the sudden chill that went up my spine. It became very cold in an instant, but at least I could see and hear a bit better.
The basement apartments were so much creepier than I had realized. It amazed me that people could live in these conditions. The walls and ceilings were completely made of cement, and the hallway lights were just flickering florescent bulbs that were exposed and made the hall look like something out of a horror film. There were brown stains on the walls and floors, and I hoped that they weren't what I thought they were. Once my eyes adjusted, I saw the man I was looking for stop in front of an apartment and unlock the door with his key. He went inside and closed the door behind him as I jogged in his direction.
I approached the closed door and stopped myself from knocking. A million thoughts raced through my head and I was terrified. Now that I was here I didn't know whether I could speak to him. I then swallowed the lump in my throat and knocked before my better judgment could stop me. I panicked in my head as I heard some rustling on the other side of the wood that separated us, and my heart stopped once the handle turned. The door opened to reveal the face I had obsessed over for the past year. My entire body trembled as he looked down at me, expectantly.
He seemed curious as to why I followed him, but I had no words in my throat. Out of a rash decision I chickened out of thanking him and just held out his pen. "Y-you dropped this," I said with a small voice. Once he took it from me I began to speedily walk away before he could respond.