ANECDOTES OF MISERS The avarice of the inhabitants of a village
One said of a village that was famous for avarice, its inhabitants were the most misers; they didn't like guests and never invited them.
When their governor knew this quality, he established immediately that they must take care of guests; it ordered that each man put a pole in the mosque of the village and said to them: "Every guest who arrives and suspends its dress or its whip on one of the poles, then it is to the owner of the pole to take care of the guest! ''
Among them, was the most miser man, he decided to place badly its pole in the furthest corner of the mosque to divert attention to make fall anything that would be suspended there.
One day, a guest arrived and entered the mosque. While seeking among poles, he watched the extreme pole in question (thinking that it undoubtedly belongs to the most miser) and suspended its turban there while tightening firmly to immobilize it. The owner of the pole was spying until the choice fell: "It's me who will take care of the guest!" self-talking sadly!
He returned to his wife, depressed; she said to him:
"What's wrong?"
He said: "The disaster occurred! The guest came and insisted on choosing my pole, damned! What a hateful man! Among all the very expressed poles, it is mine that he chooses! What a chance!"
The woman said: "We can do nothing, I have to be patient and pray for help from Allah !"
She comforted him!
His daughters and neighbors met to express their condolences for this economic tragedy!
The guest's issue was serious, considering that every home must demonstrate generosity and hospitality, he killed a ewe, cooked chickens, and filled bowls of bouillons and meats.
The moment had arrived, the guest appeared! His wife, his daughters, and neighbors spying through the slits of the doors by shouting "Oh! The guest arrives !".
Once installed, he started to eat, he took just a piece of meat and bread, then dried his hands praised God, and said "Raise the table! May God bless you!"
The host said: "Finish your dinner! We were prepared very well for you."
He answered: "No, it's enough!"
The host: "That's all you're eating? No more?"
The guest: "Yes, it's all!"
The host: "I thought that you would eat all and ask more!"
Since then, the host began to invite every guest who arrived in the village.
Eating sheepheads!
A great miser was an admirer of sheep heads, praised and keep citing them.
He never ate meat, except small parts, or in the sacrificial feast of the sheep, or at an invitation or travel.
He called the head "a wedding party"; because it gathers all the kinds, sometimes he called it also the unit or the integral!
He always said: "The head is one thing having many parts and various tastes. While the other unified dishes constitute a unique thing, the head — though it is a cocktail — is a unique entity". It contains a brain, which has an extraordinary taste! Eyes have their very special taste. The lobe of the ear has an extra taste! Better than brain, fattier than butter. There is also tongue, what a super taste!
We can consider that the head is the Master of the body; the brain lives there; the center of reason; the nerves leave from there and are distributed in all the body; reason is well protected in this head!
He bought only a quite fresh head, for its abundant brain! He bought it only on Saturday, this particular day; because on Friday one killed sheep, heads become abundant on Saturday and thus less expensive!
Talking to coins!
The story goes that a man reached a great degree of avarice and became an uncontested master miser, so much so that he communicated with coins, protected and preserved them for a long time.
One day, he had a coin in his hands, he said to it: 'How many grounds did you traverse? How many bags did you leave? So many modest men you raised and so noble ones you degraded! But with me, you are in peace, sleep well my baby! You will never see either night or day!
Then he threw it in its bag and said to him: 'Rest in the name of God in a place where no one will insult you or disturb you! ''
The miser had never let any obtained coin go out, no matter what his family insisted on buying something! They had to suffer in life with him so much so that they wished for his death!
But after he had died, the family believed that they would go to enjoy life. It's the son who seized his money and his house.
He met with them and said: "What did my father eat
with bread? " they said: cheese!
He said: 'Show me! ''
He then saw a groove like a stream, footsteps of bread! He said: "What's this? ''
They said: " He didn't dip cheese, he wiped its back while digging as you see! ''
The son: "That one killed me! That's why we haven't accumulated anything! If I had known, I would never have prayed for him! ''
They said: " What will you do to? ''
The son: 'I put it (cheese) far from me, I beckon wiping it! ''
No greeting to anybody!
An old man ate in a place, a man passed and greeted it, he greeted him too and said: "Come! You are welcome!"
But when he saw the man turning back to accept his invitation, he said to him: "Stop! No harry! It is not the Souk!"
The man stopped, the old man asked him: "What do you want?"
The man: "I would like to have lunch!"
The old man: "Why? Who invited you to eat with me?"
The man: "Didn't you invite me?"
The old man: 'Lord! If I had believed that you are a so idiot I would never have greeted you. If I said to you: "come to eat" You would have to say: "no thank you, good appetite!" A word in exchange for a word and not a word in exchange for an action and words in exchange for food! It is by no means right!
The man remained inert and amazed!
The old man gained this reputation, one said to him: "We are exonerated from greeting and return of greeting".
The old man said: 'No need for that, the important is that I cease inviting people, but it is done by accident!
Inheriting customs
A man lost his way in the desert. He saw a tent, and moved to it; he found a nomad woman who said to him: "Who are you?"
The man answered: "I am a guest"
He said: « You are welcome! »
She offered him to eat and drink (water or milk). Meanwhile, her husband arrived and said: "who is the man?"
She said: "A guest!"
He said: "He is not welcome! We don't want guests" The guest rode his horse and left very quickly.
The following day, he saw another tent and moved there.
A nomad woman received him and said: "you are not welcome! We don't want guests"
But her husband had just arrived and said: "Who is the man?"
She said: "A guest!"
He said: "You are welcome!"
He offered him to drink and good food.
The guest remembered the preceding incident and smiled.
The host asked him: "Why do you smile brother? » The guest told him what had occurred with the generous nomad and her miser husband.
The host smiles too and said to him: "No mystery! This woman is my sister, her husband is the brother of my wife, this miser one! Each one inherited temperament and customs !".
" Swear! You don't want to eat
anymore!"
There was a man-the most miser of his tribe- he invited a friend several times, but he ate little.
One day, he invited him among neighbors; they ate with him the first small dish; parts of a roasted kid. After a while, the server arrived with a great dish of the entire roasted kid, waiting for the order of his master. The man addressed us and said: ' For me, I am not hungry anymore! And you? »
The friend said: 'Yes really, I'm satiated! » The others said likewise.
He said: "So, we have to delay this beautiful kid till tomorrow, we will eat it cold. »
The friend said: "You are right! »
He said then: "I fear that you want to eat, but you said you are not hungry just to help me to save! »
The friend said: "No dear friend, I swear I'm satiated! » He said then to another person sitting beside this friend: "What about you? »
He answered: "I am satiated! »
The miser: "If you were satiated, you would have sworn like my friend has done! »
The man swore he was satiated!
Then the miser went to the others who swore one after another they were no anymore hungry.
Thus, he was assured that nobody was a candidate to share food with him.
He said then: "But about me, I feel now hungry and desire to eat more from this kid, they said to him: "Good appetite! ».
He ordered the server to put the dish, he ate most of the kid, and ordered to keep the remaining.
All misers!
There was a tribe famous for its avarice; when a guest arrived at a person of the tribe and remained a long time, the host said to him: "Have you had lunch this day? »
If he said yes, the host said to him: "Unfortunately if we hadn't had lunch, I would have offered a good lunch for you!''
If he said no, the host would say to him: "Unfortunately if you had had lunch, I would have served you five cups!''
Thus the guest would not taste anything in all the cases.
Entirely misers!
It is also told that a stranger asked a child from a miser tribe who was playing: "Give me bread!"
The child answered: "You would not like It, it's bitter!"
The stranger: "Just some water!"
The child: "It is salted! It's not good for you!"
The stranger continued to ask him many things, each time the child answered he would not like it and that it had defects.
His father, who was attending the scene -very proud, with a -, answered (shrugged) and said: "What can we do? It's our inheritance!"
I don't know absolutely who are you!
A man famous for his avarice traveled much for trade. He lodged with a generous man in Baghdad; who took care of him and offered to him all the means of comfort and rest.
The miser always said to him: "I wish that you visit me one day, I will give you a good reception, but here you don't need me. »
After a certain time, the generous host visited an area close to the miser; it made him comforted of travel tiredness thinking that his former guest would be going to take care of him. He moved towards him with the travel clothes, his turban, and his cape.
He greeted the miser cordially, but this one was so careless that the generous man thought of clothing as being the cause. He removed the turban and then looked again at his former guest, smiling. But the miser didn't show any sign of recognition!
The generous still believed that it was necessary to remove more clothing; he took off the bonnet; the miser thought that there is nothing remained to remove and no excuse would therefore have. He said to the generous man: "Even if you would be naked, I would never recognize you! ''
Uninvited guest!
It seemed that a guest would like to remain a long time at a miser family.
The host asked his wife "What do you think? How to know when it will leave?"
She said: "let us simulate an argument and ask for his arbitration!"
The woman said to the guest: "By Allah who will bless your departure tomorrow, who is the unjust among us?"
The guest answered: "By Allah who will bless my stay at your home for one month, I have no idea!"
Between the great linguist Abu Al-Aswad Al-Du-Ali and a nomad
nomad stopped in front of Abu Al-Aswad Al-Du-Ali who was lunching, the nomad greeted them, and the linguist greeted them too, and began to eat without inviting the nomad.
This latter, wanting to start the discussion, said: "I passed through your family"
The linguist: "It was your way! ''
The nomad: "Your wife is pregnant! ''
The linguist: "I left her likewise"
The nomad: "She had two children"
The linguist: "Her mother had likewise! ''
The nomad: "One child died"
The linguist: "She could not breastfeed two children! »
The nomad: "The second died too! ''
The linguist: "He could not live after the death of his brother! »
The nomad: "The mother died then! ''
The linguist: "Sad to leave her sons"
The nomad: "Your dish is delicious! ''
The linguist: "That's why I ate it alone! ''
The nomad left in silence!
Between the great linguist Abu Al-Aswad Al-Du-Ali and a nomad
nomad passed close to Abu Al-Aswad Al-Du-Ali in front of his house, and he greeted him.
The linguist said to him: "what's wrong nomad ''
The nomad: "Let me enter your home! ''
The linguist: "Elsewhere it's wider than at my home! »
The nomad: " Have you some things to eat? ''
The linguist: "Yes"
The nomad: "So give me something to eat! ''
The linguist: "My children deserve more than you this meal! »
The nomad: "By Allah, I never saw more nasty than you! ''
The linguist: "By Allah, you didn't see yourself! ''
13.Between Al-Hajjaj and an old nomad.
One day, Al-Hajjaj stopped close to a source of water to rest; he asked to eat and ordered that they bring somebody to keep him company.
They found an old nomad who was sleeping; they shook him with the feet and asked him to come to see the governor.
He said to him: "Wash your hands and come to lunch with me! ''
The nomad answered: "Somebody better than you invited me! ''
The governor: "Who invited you and he is better than I? ''
The nomad: "It's Allah who invited me to the fast and I abstained from drinking and eating! ''
The governor: "On this very hot day? ''
The nomad: "I have fast on a hotter day! ''
The governor: "Don't fast today and fast tomorrow! ''
The nomad: "OK! If you ensure that I will live until tomorrow!''
The governor: "You are asking something impossible to achieve Bedouin! ''
The nomad: "So why you are asking me for something closer in exchange for something distant which you cannot ensure? ''
14. Close the door! And bring to eat!
A miser man said to his server slave at the time of getting lunch: "Bring to eat and close the door!"
The server answered: "Wrong sir! But rather: Close the door! And bring to eat
The miser said: "Oh! You are free now! Because you are a master!".
15. A miser who didn't eat till midnight!
One asked a miser who ate only at midnight the explanation!
He answered: "Water cools, flies disappear; there is no concern that somebody comes or a beggar begs or children scream.
16. I am embarrassed; I eat!
A man and his miser friend went one day on a journey. At the lunch, the man asked his friend to go to buy meat.
The miser answered: "I cannot, I swear it! '' The man then went to buy meat.
He then said to the miser: "Now, make lunch for us! ''
The miser said: " I can't do it, I swear! ''
The man made the lunch. Then he asked him to prepare a soup.
The miser apologized swearing that he was unable to do it.
At lunchtime, the man invited the miser to eat.
The miser answered with a light embarrassment: "I am so embarrassed, I refused so many requests. Just for you, I'll do it! Yes, I eat! ''
17. Achaab the greedy!
Achaab was a lazy man; he had lived in the beginning of the appearance of Islam (VII century), He would have lived around 100 years of his life. Very famous for taking pleasure in eating and drinking; He enjoyed laughing and sleeping and especially eating a lot, and all in a climate of laughing and pleasure. He went to the feasts without invitation!
The currency that gave birth!
A handmaid left one dinar at Achaab to keep it a certain time. Achaab hides it under the bed in front of her, as a sign to preserve it.
After a few days, she returned asking Achaab for her money: "Achaab, I want my dinar! ''
He said to her: "Take its baby under the bed!''
She found her dinar and another coin a dirham.
She took the dirham and left the dinar.
she returned after a few days and found also another dirham baby and took it.
She still returned a third time and took likewise this baby-dirham.
But at the fourth time, as soon as Achaab saw her coming, he started crying. She said to him: "Why are you crying? ''
He answered: "your dinar died after a miscarriage"
She said to him: "Are you joking? How a dinar can miscarry? ''
He answered; "Cursed! You believe in babies-dirhams; why do you not believe in miscarriages?"
Action! We are eating!
Having heard his amusing stories, A prince invited Achaab for a great dinner.
At the dinner table, while waiting for dishes, the prince asked Achaab to tell a small joke.
Achaab started to say:
"There was a man…" Then he felt smoke in the air and dishes were put, Achaab stopped speaking without moving (about to devour food!); the prince asked him: "What happened to the man? Achaab " Achaab answered: "He died". The prince laughed a lot.
Asking for a loan from Achaab
A man wanted a loan from Achaab, saying to him: " I would like to borrow an amount of money from you and to give me a good timeliness to pay you back Achaab answered: "I cannot make both, one thing only!"
The man said: " I agree"
Achaab said to him: " I 'll give the longest time, but I 'll never lend you!".
Have mercy on the kid!
Achaab was invited by a man for a feast dinner.
A good kid was posed on the table. Achaab started to eat with greediness. The host said to him then: "I see that you eat the kid without pity as if you were gored by its mother!
Achaab answered: "And as for you, you eat the kid tenderly as if its mother nursed you! ''
Donkeys recognize each other!
A man passed close to Achaab conducting his donkey, he said with irony: "I recognized your donkey, while I did not recognize you!"
Achaab answered: "I am not surprised; Donkeys recognize each other!"
Take revenge on fish!
Some Men were eating fish when they heard Achaab wanting to enter.
They said: "This Achaab eats the best only, plus he eats a lot! Hide this big fish on the other side in order not to eat it".
Then they allowed Achaab to enter, and said to him:
"What do you think of fish? »
He said: "By Allah! I hate it so much! My father died in the sea; he was eaten by fish"
They said to him: "Go, take revenge for your father! Devour it! »
He sat down to eat, took the small fish, and put it close to his ear, then he said to them: "You know what this small fish has said ''
They said: "No idea! ''
He said: "The small fish has informed me that it has not been born yet when my father died, and it's the big fish in the dish which devoured my father; I must take revenge on it and eat it immediately! ''
Eloquent Replies
To understand the traditions and human, social, and cultural values of a society, it is essential to know its arts, literature, popular culture, quotes, poetry, and tales.
In these tales, an attempt has been made to grasp the various aspects of ancient Arab society through short stories concluding with final replies that recount the prevailing cultural values of the time and the undisputed art of Arab eloquence.
It is worth mentioning that the references for these stories are drawn from a great book, Arab Stories, by the renowned Lebanese author Ibrahim Shams-Eddine, who tapped into authentic ancient Arab sources (from the 7th to the 10th century). (Les histoires des Arabes. Encyclopédie des anecdotes arabes. Dar Al-Kotob Al-Ilmiyah. Liban. 2013.)
The work, which compiles various chapters of tales covering morality, generosity, intelligence, foolishness, misers, stories of kings, caliphs, governors, judges, servants, slaves, eloquent individuals, and, of course, lovers, poets, Arab women, and jinns, constitutes a rich heritage that provides insight into the nature of such a society.
Between a Great Imam and a Vulgar Man
A man entered a public bath without underwear - completely naked.
The Imam present there closed his eyes. The man said: "Since when has God taken away your sight?"
The Imam replied: "Since you lost your honor!"
Between the Tyran Governor Al-Hajjaj and a Nomad
One day, Al-Hajjaj went for a walk. After finishing his walk, he ordered his companions to step aside and remained alone.
An old man passed by him (not recognizing Al-Hajjaj). Al-Hajjaj said to him, "Where are you from, old man?" The man replied, "From this village."
Al-Hajjaj said, "What do you think of your officials?" The old man responded, "The worst officials! They oppress the people; they plunder their wealth!"
Al-Hajjaj asked, "What do you think of Al-Hajjaj?"
The man replied, "Never has Iraq known a worse governor! May Allah disgrace him and disgrace the one who appointed him!"
Al-Hajjaj asked, "Do you know who I am?"
The old man replied, "No."
Al-Hajjaj said, "I am Al-Hajjaj."
The old man asked, "Do you know who I am?"
Al-Hajjaj replied, "No."
The old man said, "I am the village fool; I have fits twice a day."
Al-Hajjaj laughed and gave him money.
Between a Nomad and His Son
A nomad got angry with his son and insulted him by mentioning his mother: "How dare you disobey me when you are just the son of a slave!"
The son replied, "Truly Father, she is better than you!"
The father asked, "How so when she is merely a slave while I am free?"
The son replied, "Because she chose for me a free father, while you chose for me a slave mother!"
Between a Charismatic Speaker and a Young Child
A child came to a famous charismatic speaker and said, "I would like your opinion on Caliph Muawiyah (the 5th caliph after the prophet, in the context of the Sunni-Shiite dispute)."
The speaker said, "We are body and soul with Muawiyah!"
The child asked, "What do you think of his son, Caliph Yazid?"
The speaker replied, "I curse him and those who love him!" The child asked, "Do you think, uncle, that Muawiyah did not love his son?"
The speaker fell silent and said, "No one has silenced me except this child!"
Between Harsh and His Son Bitter
There was a famous man named Harsh, known for his eloquent responses to the point of never being defeated. He married a woman named Toxin, with whom he had several children, all of whom died except one named Bitter. He was quicker in reply than his father, besides being ugly.
One day, he committed a vile act that angered his father, leading to a heated conversation between them:
The father said, "You are a brute, just like your name, Bitter!"
The son replied, "The greatest brute is the one who named me."
The father said, "Your taste is bitter, Bitter!"
The son replied, "You know, your sweetness pleased me, Harsh!"
The father said, "I swear you are not human!"
The son replied, "Like father, like son!"
The father said, "May God not bless the womb that bore you!"
The son replied, "Nor the back from which I descended!"
The father said, "By Allah, you are increasingly rude!"
The son replied, "What can one harvest from thorns? Grapes?"
The father said, "You were a bad forecast for your brothers; they all died, except you who survived!"
The son replied, "Having many uncles pleased me, half-man! (His father also had no brothers!)"
The father said, "You will never succeed!"
The son replied, "How can one succeed with a father like you!"
The father said, "May Allah rid me of you as he took your brothers!"
The son replied, "It's simple, just seek it; kill yourself, and you will be freed from me!"
The father fell silent and lived only a day and a night afterward.
Between Three Great Arab Poets
The three great poets Al-Farazdaq, Jarir, and Al-Akhtal were in the court of Caliph Abd-Al-Malik Ibn Marwan. He promised them a substantial reward on the condition that "each of you recites a verse of poetry praising himself, and the one with the last word will win the prize!"
Al-Farazdaq began and said:
"I am the tar while all the poets are afflicted with scabies! And it is the tar that is the cure!"
Then Al-Akhtal said:
"If you are the bowl of tar I am the plague that has no cure!"
Finally, Jarir delivered the last verse:
"I am death; I exterminate you all There is no refuge for the escapees!"
The caliph said, "The prize is yours, Jarir; you silenced your adversaries!"
Between an Honest Opponent and a Caliph
A caliph sent a large sum of money with a slave to an opponent and said, "If he accepts this money as a gift from me, you will be free forever!"
The slave went to the opponent and said, "Listen! I beg you, accept this gift! It means my freedom!"
The opponent looked at him angrily and said, "You want me to accept this gift because it implies your freedom, but I would like to return it because it implies my enslavement!"
Between Caliph Al-Mansur and an Opposing Prisoner
A fierce opposing prisoner was brought before Caliph Al-Mansur of the Abbasids (750-1258), who said to him, "Hey you! Tell me which of my soldiers were the bravest in their fights against you?"
The opponent replied, "I do not know the faces of your soldiers, but I know their necks because they fled the battles! Tell them to turn around so I can tell you who fled the most!"
Between Caliph Al-Mahdi and a Very Proud Man
A man named Imara, known for his pride, was once in the court of Caliph Al-Mahdi, who had already conspired with another man to trap the proud Imara!
The man stood up in court and said, "Oh Prince of the Believers! I have been wronged!"
The caliph asked, "Who has wronged you?"
The man replied, "It is Imara here; he took my farm, one of the most beautiful!"
The caliph said, "Stand up, Imara, and sit across from your adversary!"
Imara, having understood the trick, said, "Oh Prince of the Believers! This is not my adversary. If the farm belongs to him, there will be no opposition from me! If it belongs to me, I will give it to him. And I will never rise from a place that the Prince of the Believers has honored me with!"
Between Caliph Al-Mahdi and a Wine Enthusiast
A poet, an admirer of wine, recited two verses in praise of wine in the court of Caliph Al-Mahdi:
"Red like the blood of the gazelle! Sometimes, after mixing, You believe it to be golden water. And when the mixture rises, It throws with the tongues of the mix, Fresh drops of water!"
The caliph said: "In fact, you have described it beautifully, comparable to one who drinks it! You deserve punishment for this!"(prohibited in Islam)
The poet replied: "Am I safe if I speak?"
The caliph: "You are safe, speak!"
The poet: "How do you know, Prince of the Believers, that I have described it well if you know nothing of it?"
The caliph fell silent.
Between a Nomad and a Nomad Woman
A nomad married a second time; the second wife continuously harassed the first by reciting poems:
"The two feet Are not the same!
There is a good one,
and the other,
thrown by time, Is paralyzed!"
And other verses:
"The two garments are not the same,
One has worn out!
While the other, new,
Is in the hands of the sellers."
The first wife then decided to intervene and said:
"Transfer your heart
Where you wish In love
The heart
Always returns To the first love
So many homes on earth
To which the young one gets used
But his nostalgia in fact
Always tends Towards the first home."
Between a Caliph and a Nobleman's Sick Son
The caliph visited a nobleman who was ill. The nobleman had a son named Fath. The caliph wanted to test the child's intelligence and said:
"Tell me, Fath, which of the two houses is better? Mine or your father's?"
The child: "Since the caliph is in our house, it is the best!"
The caliph: "Best answer, Fath!"
Between a Black Poet and a Nobleman
A black poet praised a nobleman, who gave him several camels, kids, and money.
One of the people present envied him and said to the nobleman:
"All these gifts for such a black man?"
The nobleman replied:
"Even if he is black, his work is entirely white! If he is a slave, his praise is free; He deserves more than what he was given! We gave him things that wear out. He, on the other hand, gave us praise that is retold and compliments that last forever!"
Between the Great Poet Abul-Ala-Al-Maarri (973-1057) and a Child
A nomadic child met Abul-Ala and said:
"Who is the old man?"
The poet replied: "I am Abul-Ala-Al-Maarri, your famous poet!"
The child said: "Nice to meet you, great poet! Are you the one who said this verse:
'Even if I am among the last,
I will create
what the ancients could not!'"
The poet said: "Yes, that's me, and why do you ask?"
The child replied: "Well said! Since you challenge the ancients, who established 28 letters of the alphabet; could you add a single one?"
The poet Abul-Ala fell silent.
He said later: "By Allah, I have never been as silent as I am now!"