The Web
Everyone thinks we're trapped in some kind of web of our own
making. We create the webs that ensnare us. Reflecting back, I realize I was
tangled in a web spun by my own hand. I did that to myself, and now I get to
pay the price. What do you think that price is? I once heard someone say we all
have to pay for our mistakes. So, thinking back, "What was my mistake?"
Me
When I think of myself, I see a sore loser, dating back to
the moment of my birth. By the way, my name is Sora (そえあ), which means sky. I thought I was
perfect, but I wasn't.
I wanted to be special, but I couldn't
be. I was a nobody, waiting to die. Well, I'm still waiting, of course.
Nothing's gonna change, and I wish it would!
Sky
My name didn't change who I was; it didn't make me better.
But slowly, things began to change. My life started to see the light again
after meeting him. I didn't want to remember his name, but he gave it
regardless. He cleared the sky for me, and I was standing in the sun. I could
feel warmth again, but then I woke up feeling pain, anger, sadness. It was just
a dream. It was never real. I woke up to my mom calling, "Sora, it's time for
school!" she said. I was tired of school. I was lonely, cold, and angry, never
having any friends to talk to.
I was never going to school. I spent the day walking around,
with nobody knowing who I am. I never wanted to be noticed until they saw me.
There was a group of girls in my school who were popular for maltreating people
they didn't like. Well, I won't say their names since they don't matter to me
anymore—they're dead. Four of them.
The Event
It was a gray, dreary morning when I trudged through the
school gates. The sky mirrored my mood: overcast and heavy with unspoken
threats. I kept my head down, hoping to go unnoticed, but fate had other plans.
The corridors were bustling with the usual noise of chatter and laughter, but
to me, it was a cacophony of chaos that I could barely stand. The familiar
smell of chalk dust and the faint scent of cafeteria food mixed with the
oppressive atmosphere, making me feel even more out of place.
I was almost to my locker when I heard them. The giggles,
the snide remarks, the unmistakable voices of the girls who had made my life a
living hell. My heart pounded, and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. I
wanted to run, to hide, but my legs felt like lead.
"Hey, look who it is," one of them sneered, her voice
dripping with malice. "Sora the nobody."
They surrounded me, their eyes gleaming with sadistic
delight. I felt a surge of anger mingled with the familiar sting of fear. My
fists clenched at my sides as I tried to keep my composure. But they were
relentless.
"Did you crawl out from under your rock, loser?" another
taunted, shoving me against the lockers. The impact rattled through my bones,
and I could feel the sharp edge of metal digging into my back. Pain shot
through me, but I refused to cry out.
"Leave me alone," I managed to choke out, my voice trembling
with suppressed rage.
"Oh, poor Sora," they mocked in unison, their laughter
echoing in my ears like nails on a chalkboard. The humiliation was unbearable,
a searing brand that burned deeper than any physical pain.
In a sudden, uncontrollable burst of fury, I lashed out. My
hand swung before I even realized what I was doing. The slap echoed through the
corridor, and for a moment, there was stunned silence. One of the girls, the
leader, touched her cheek in shock, her eyes wide with disbelief.
"You'll regret that," she hissed, her voice low and
menacing.
Before I could react, they pounced. The next moments were a
blur of shoving, hitting, and cruel laughter. I tried to defend myself, but
there were too many. The pain was excruciating, and I could feel my body giving
in. Just when I thought I couldn't take any more, a teacher's voice cut through
the chaos, and they scattered like the cowards they were.
Lying on the cold, hard floor, bruised and battered, I felt
a mix of anger, pain, and disgust so intense it threatened to consume me. I
knew in that moment that something had to change. I couldn't go on like this,
living in fear and misery. This event was the turning point—the spark that
would ignite a fire within me to reclaim my life.
The Impact
"What have I done to myself?" I asked as I lay there. "Am I
dead?" I felt like I had made the worst mistake of my life by reacting, and now
I was about to pay for it. I shouldn't have done that, and now I would be dealt
with after school. And then, I started smiling. What was wrong with me? I was
looking forward to what I would do to those girls after school. I kept
trembling with excitement. I would finally get my revenge on them. I wanted to
kill them and be done with it. And so, I did.
They had little birds all over the school, so they knew
where I was. I was on my way home but decided to take an unusual route to act
on what I had planned. They came out, blocking me from all sides, coming close
to put me out quietly. That's when it happened. I became a beast in that
moment. For some reason, I had a knife in my bag, which I used to do the deed.
Their cold, lifeless bodies lay on the ground in front of me. I had killed
them, but I still wasn't happy. I wanted more. And then I woke up in the
hospital.
"What happened?" I could not recall what had happened after
that time—exactly two days. Then I saw the news headline: "Four High School
Students Found Dead, Killer Unknown." And then I smiled.
The
Truth
What had happened was a mystery to everyone. "Sora, are you
okay?" my mother said. Slowly opening my eyes, I saw her. I was irritated. I
loved her, but I did not care anymore. She told me that I was found outside the
house and was rushed to the hospital.
The room was filled with a sterile, antiseptic smell, and
the beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound that broke the heavy
silence. My mother's face was etched with worry, her eyes red and puffy from
crying. She reached out, gently taking my hand in hers, and I felt a pang of
guilt. She didn't deserve this pain.
"Sora, please, talk to me," she pleaded, her voice breaking.
"What happened? Why were you outside? Why won't you talk to me?"
I stared at the ceiling, feeling a tear slip down my cheek.
The weight of everything I had done crashed down on me, and for the first time,
I felt truly broken. I had lost myself in the chaos, and now I was drowning in
the aftermath.
"I don't know, Mom," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I don't
remember."
She squeezed my hand tighter, her tears falling freely now.
"I'm here for you, Sora. Whatever it is, we can get through it together.
Please, don't shut me out."
The sincerity in her voice tore at my heart. I had been so
consumed by my own pain and anger that I had forgotten about the people who
loved me—who wanted to help me. I looked at her, really looked at her, and saw
the depth of her love and concern. It was like a lifeline, pulling me back from
the edge of the abyss.
"Mom, I…" I began, struggling to find the words. "I've been
so lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I've done terrible things, and I can't
take them back."
She stroked my hair gently, her touch soothing. "Sora, we
all make mistakes. What matters is that we learn from them and try to make
things right. You're my child, and I will always love you, no matter what."
Her words enveloped me like a warm embrace, and I finally
let go of the walls I had built around myself. The tears flowed freely now, a
torrent of pent-up emotions washing over me. I clung to her, sobbing, feeling
like a child again in the safety of her arms.
"I'm so sorry, Mom," I cried. "I've been so angry and
scared. I didn't know how to deal with it."
She held me tighter, her own tears mingling with mine. "It's
okay, Sora. We'll get through this together. You don't have to face it alone."
In that moment, I felt a glimmer of hope. The darkness that
had consumed me began to recede, replaced by the faintest light of a new
beginning. I knew it wouldn't be easy, that there would be many challenges
ahead, but for the first time in a long while, I felt the possibility of
redemption.
As I lay there, held by the one person who had never given
up on me, I made a silent promise to myself. I would try to heal, to find my
way back to the person I once was. I would face the consequences of my actions
and strive to make amends. Most importantly, I would let the people who loved
me in, letting their strength and support guide me through the darkness.
The journey ahead was uncertain, but with my mother by my
side, I knew I had a chance. A chance to rebuild, to rediscover who I was, and
to find peace. And for that, I was profoundly grateful.
Of course am lying am just looking forward to my next target.