It's been two years since I went back to Oregon after graduating high school and I can still remember the first time I saw her, it was the beginning of my junior year when I transferred from California after the passing of my mother, my father couldn't handle the guilt or his anger so he sent me away to live with my aunt. I remember walking into the class the first thing catching my eye was Josephine, she sat in the back never really looking up for any reason unless she was spoken to, she just did her work always turning it in early and walking out of school. I always wondered if she was just in school just to be there since she was obviously ahead of everyone. I choose to sit either next to her or sometimes even behind her. Her appearance was striking, her skin was pale almost pale enough to see her veins either blue or purple, her hair almost as dark as ever the light reflected off from it. Her eyes almost hypnotizing because when she spoke to you she was speaking through to you remaining eye contact at all times it always made me nervous must be some weird psychology tactic to get people to agree with you I thought. She was a girl of few words yet everything she said was like ice carving deep into my skin because you never need a lot of words to get your point across she spoke calmly yet she spoke with elegance and maturity, I never dared to get into a debate with her because I was always silenced with my ignorance. Everything she did and said was almost as if she had already said it or experienced it, I loved that about her she taught me new ways of thinking on a deeper level other than logic. In my eyes, true beauty shines not from just the outside, but from within. It's the kindness in a smile, the compassion in a glance, and the strength in adversity. Beauty is found in her uniqueness and the way she lit up the world around her.
I think about her every day, my heart racing almost too painful to deal with on the drive to my hometown. 'Is she waiting for me?' I thought 'Did she move on in life maybe gone off to college' or maybe she's still home painting next to the lake or maybe reading. The look on her face when she was stuck in her books always made me stop and admire her, the way her eyelashes looked from the side or maybe the strands of hair that would sometimes fall in the way of her pages. I often think about her paintings, she always used soft pastel colors never anything loud or too bold, I always wondered why she never turned her art in I was sure she could get loads of money from it but she always stated ' Art is something to look at and enjoy, the time it took and the thought behind it is too meaningful to be sold.' She never looked at me when she said that so I took it as seriously as it should be because she was right.
I stayed with my aunt ever since my mom passed away, my dad was an angry man who loved to drink which was never a good combo partly why I blame him for my mother's passing. Those sleepless nights I had with constant arguing glass breaking and doors slamming, in the end, my mother would always come into my room and sleep with me. We would both hold each other i could feel our hearts syncing even our breathing, i felt safe in the end because I knew deep down she would never let anything happen to me, and it never did. I was young at the time but I understood she would take the abuse for me until one day she couldn't. After stopping by to get myself situated in my old room and catching up with my aunt I decided to go into town and stop by at Josephine's place. Something in me told me she wasn't there but I missed seeing her house on the edge of town away from everyone and everything, it was my happy place and I never told her that but I could tell she knew just by the slight smile whenever I would stall from leaving or made up some lame excuse to stay longer. Her house was always warm with the smell of sweet vanilla almost like it was a bakery although she had never been interested in baking, the wooden floors always complimented the walls and shelves, and her house was only lit up with many lamps some lights warmer than others.
After getting something to eat I started to walk down the trail into the woods, it was getting late the sky turned dark blue, and the cold mist hit my cheeks like burning knives the trees intimidated me by the way they towered over me at this point I could barely see the sky.
Seeing her house at the edge of the trail smoke from the chimney and a small light made my heart skip, as I approached her house I knew she was still there seeing her little chair in front of the unfinished canvas. I looked around for her and even knocked on her door a few times still no answer her cat looking at me almost in a judging way lightly tapping its full tail as if Im an inconvenience. I sighed defeatedly and walked over to the fog-covered lake the moon shining bright against the water and the lilies, looking into the distance I saw a beautiful swan slowly making its way over to me, I got down low reaching my hand out hoping it would let me touch it but all it did was sway its head from side to side as if it was dancing, maybe putting a show for me. I heard swans do that for their lovers but this one was alone maybe its heart was broken I thought. I stepped away from it and made my way over to the house sat on one of the chairs on her porch and waited. 'If she's still here after all this time the least I can do is wait until she gets back home' I thought before slowly drifting off to sleep.
It's been at least an hour before I heard footsteps approaching I opened my eyes and saw her.