Randy landed outside Boston World Headquarters. His colleague and spirit animal, Constantina Holmes, worked inside the massive skyscraper. I wonder where Constantina's hospital is. He entered the sliding glass doors and approached the receptionist.
"Hi Mrs. um... Um, hi. I'm here on official Destroyzoid business. You wouldn't happen to know which floor Boston's Favorite Son works on, would you? He needs to come on... with! With me. He needs to come with me. Um, uh, not like that! I uh, we need to go to Chicago... Destroyzoid business. Like I said."
"Our Favorite Son is in a meeting right now, but he's given me blanket authority to interrupt anything he's doing when someone from Destroyzoid comes here. Er... not like that. He's on floor 47,000."
"Is that where his hospital is?"
"Pardon?" asked the receptionist.
"The Hospital of Monsters. Is it on floor 47,000?"
"I'm sorry, Mr. Holmes doesn't work in a hospital." The receptionist looked confused. "As for the monsters... I'm afraid I can't help you with that."
"Um... I was told by a very close friend of his that he's a fully licensed and world-renowned psychiatristologist of bad things. Not to mention crimefighter, tumbler, 18th century grave robber, inventor of light, professor or magic, and head of organized cri..." The receptionist jumped up before Randy could finish his sentence. She grabbed him by his robe.
"SSSSHHHHHH!!! Shut up! Not one more word," she half whispered. "What kind of fucking moron are you? Just go and talk to him. Leave me the hell alone. I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Nothing illegal has ever happened here. This is a place of business."
The receptionist sat back down and started typing. She was now ignoring Randy completely. He headed toward the elevator. Wonder what her problem is. And how does she not know about the Hospital of Monsters?
The doors opened. He stepped in and pressed 47,000. I'll never get there. It's like a million miles away. He pulled his smart phone from his pocket and proceeded to bring shame upon House Dixman.
Several Filthy Minutes Later
Randy heard shouting as the elevator opened on floor 47,000. The famous Hall of Monsters! I can't believe I'm actually here. Roughly 20 feet away was a door. As he walked toward it, the words became clearer.
"No, that's not what I said, you moronic fuckstick. That's NOT what I said!"
Whoa! That sounds bad. But the great Nero has need of Boston's Favorite Son. And the mean receptionist said 'blanket authority to interrupt anything he's doing.' Anything. Okay, Randy, let's do this.
He opened the door. Constantina Holmes slammed his hands down on his desk. He grabbed a knife. "I said 'pick your balls up off the floor and stop being such a whiny little bitch.'" He was now waving the knife at a man seated opposite him.
"If you can't deal with this situation by Thursday I will make the last moments of your life so excruciating that by the time you die, the fucking torture will start to feel GOOD. Now, are you a fucking EARNER? Or are you a sad little fuckstick? A SAD," he slammed the knife into the desk once, "LITTLE," twice, "FUCK STICK??" three and four times. His face was red.
"I'm an earner," said the scared-looking man.
"You're what?" Constantina said softly.
"I'm a fucking earner, sir."
"Then why… the… FUCKAREYOUINMYOFFICE?!? GO. AND. FUCKING. EARN." He spoke softly again, "Deal with the thing. Earn the money. And stay alive."
"Yes sir."
"GO! NOW!"
The man jumped out of his chair and nearly slammed into Randy. He scurried off.
"Hey, Randy!" said Constantina. "Come on in. Don't mind him."
"What was that? Sir!" Randy sat down across from Constantina.
"Huh? Oh, that guy? He's a silly coworker. Nice guy. We call him Fossil Town. It's not important. Anyway, what brings you to Boston? It's good to see you! Gosh, when was the last time we saw each other? PAX? How are ya? Haha, jeez, look at me rambling. Sorry, I'm just happy to see you."
"Yes. I'm equally pleased to be in your presence, sir. Nero has ordered us to present ourselves at Destroyzoid headquarters in Chicago. He said we have a million Huge Members. He has something planned. Everyone must attend."
"Wow! A million members? Gee, that's great! You mean everybody's gonna be there? I get to see all my Destroyzoid pals in one place? This is great! It's so great! Yeah, let's go. When do we leave? Gosh, I'm so excited."
"We leave right now. Can I, um, ask a question, Constantina? Sir?"
"Yeah, of course! What's on your mind?" Constantina was stuffing papers into a diamond studded briefcase. He opened a drawer on his desk and took something out. He muttered to himself. "Full clip and half of a spare. Shit. Fuck."
"Where's your Hospital of Monsters?"
Constantina looked up and laughed. "No, that's just a thing Jim made up. There's no monster hospital."
"Oh, then what do you do here? I thought..."
"Hey, look. Let's forget about all that other stuff for a while. Destroyzoid is about videogames, right? Can't we just talk about videogames? Have you seen the trailer for the new random 3DS game that I'll probably review because I review all the 3DS games? Bright colors, cheery music, happy little animals walkin' around... Good stuff!"
"Um, sure. We can talk about videogames." Randy watched Jon close his diamond briefcase.
"How are we gonna get there?" asked Constantina.
"Like this," Randy took Constantina in his arms, crouched down, and crashed through the ceiling. Bits of plaster fell away as they raced upward.
"So, what games have you been playing? Sir?" Randy looked down at Constantina, who had fallen asleep immediately, holding his briefcase like a comfort blanket.
The lion and the lamb are returning to the den, and all is well in the jungle.