'Hi my younger self. Bring your drawing tablet to school today, someone important has opinions to share- don't seek them, they'll come to you. And make sure to pack an emergency protein bar!'
Kaho was getting sick and tired of her Future Self. She seemed to be recalling the most ridiculous things as of late- of course she was sharing her blatant accusation of Kurosaki Katsuo, which proved to be completely justified, but she kept telling her to bring emergency snacks. Half the time Kaho was just dumping them on the table at lunch and watching her friends snatch them up.
She was knackered and even her two cups of coffee while she'd been getting ready hadn't been enough of a slap in the face. She felt dead on her feet. She'd been drawing for half the night, capturing the shades of blues and purples of the darkening evening sky as her brother bared his soul on the basketball court. Kaho had been shading on her tablet all night, and yet, as she stared at the tablet the next morning, she knew something was missing. She stuffed her tablet in her school bag, as instructed, and got ready.
It would be Makoto's first as a local celebrity and crime buster. But she knew he had an accomplice in his vigilanteism. She wished she could text someone and share her thoughts aloud, but the only person she knew who didn't know Naseru was Tatsuya, who had been hounding her all night for a Facetime while Kaho was drawing. He'd gotten fed up of seeing her forehead and signed off after an hour of her grunting at him.
After keeping her out so late Taiga had promised her a ride to school. She could hear the whirring of the blender downstairs as she swept her liquid eyeliner over her lash line. Maybe it was silly to think a coat of eyeliner would help sway Naseru to pay her some attention, especially since surely everyone would want to hear from Makoto. Then again, he was clearly avoiding talking to him when other people were about. Like he was embarrassed to have friends. It was pathetic.
She scowled in the mirror and made her way downstairs. Mum and Himiko were long gone, and Taiga was draining his green smoothie.
"Feeling better this morning?" Kaho asked.
Taiga nodded, "Ready to get Hanagawa High School the best shooting guard ever."
"I'm sure our last shooting guard would be offended at that," Kaho said with a shrug, shouldering her bag, grabbing a protein bar and heading to the car.
She sat in the front, drumming her fingers on her knees, wondering whos opinion was so important her Future Self remembered it so far into the future. Was it a teacher? A friend? Kaho sighed, turning up the radio. Taiga sang to the Top 40, playing the drums on the steering wheel and wielding an invisible microphone, gesturing to her to offer the obligatory air guitar solos, since he needed at least one hand to drive the car.
She was early. Tsumugi and Kikiyo were only on their way into school when Kaho joined them. She slipped her outside shoes off and opened her locker to retrieve her school shoes. A few lockers down, Tsumugi was showing Kikiyo a piece of paper.
"See! Again! Another message."
Kikiyo frowned, her brows furrowed, "Compliments. That's really sweet."
Tsumugi grinned, "Nothing weird or romantic or secret admirer-y. Just nice things. Last week they said they loved my haircut. Two days ago, they wished me luck on my piano recital over the weekend. And today this! They said congratulations on getting top scores in the last maths exam. It's just nice, you know!"
Kikiyo nodded, opening her shoe locker. An envelope fell out by her feet. She opened the sealed flap and clenched her fist, "Excuse me, Tsumugi."
Kikiyo stormed past Tsumugi and didn't even look at Kaho. She didn't even bother to lock her outside shoes up. Kaho shut the door to Kikiyo's shoe locker, shoved her own school shoes on and ran after her. Not even saying a word to Tsumugi. She swore to herself, taking the stairs two at a time, barely seeing Kikiyo stride into Class 2A. Kaho skittered along the corridor after her, skidding into the classroom just as Kikiyo threw the envelope in Mamoru's face, individual notes came flying out of the envelope. Individual ten thousand yen notes, were scattered across the floor, carpeting the otherwise vacant room.
Mamoru rubbed his face, an angry red mark on his forehead from where the envelope collided with his skin, "You can take that and stick it where the sun doesn't shine, you pompous, vain, high and mighty piece of-"
"Kikiyo," Kaho said, "What's up?"
Kikiyo spun on her heel and snatched Kaho's hand in her own, marching from the classroom and to the stairs. They walked together up to the roof. Kikiyo stormed ahead and ran her hands through her hair.
"What is his problem!" Kikiyo shouted, "He just keeps throwing money at me like some kind of creep! I can't deal with this anymore."
Kaho watched Kikiyo pace the length of the roof. She swore to herself, strands of her hair came flying out from her scalp. Her skin was pale and the bags under her eyes were angry, pronounced and each step she took was less steady.
"I don't understand why he thinks I can just be bought â€" is that what rich people think? Is he really that self-absorbed and out of touch? He's delusional, Kaho! Absolutely crazy! Did you know he's been sneaking arcade tickets into my school bag? I saw him yesterday! Because I can be bought with boxes of 'Hello Panda' and bragging rights! My God, Kaho, he's lost his mind," Kikiyo stomped along the roof with such force her legs could probably snap in two. She looked gaunt. Had she slept at all? Not that Kaho was one to talk, really, since she hadn't slept much either.
"Kikiyo," Kaho said, "Are you okay?"
"No I'm not okay!" she snapped, "I'm sick of Mamoru! I'm tired of all of this! I'm exhausted Kaho."
Kaho opened her mouth to speak, and paused. It would be easy to side with Mamoru, say that he was trying to do right by her, and his Future Self was privy to something she wasn't ready to share. But what could she say, what should she say? Kaho swallowed the lump in her throat and sighed.
"I'm sorry," Kaho said quietly, "I'm sorry you're so tired â€" can we help? Any of us?"
Kikiyo tensed and crossed her arms. She shook her head briskly and returned to pacing.
Kaho frowned, "Maybe you should quit your job and focus on getting some rest, or at least take some time off?"
Kikiyo spun on her heel, raised her eyebrows and laughed, clutching her hips, when she moved, Kaho saw just how much her friend's shirt moved with her arms when she held her body. Her shirt rode up the slightest but, exposing safety pins holding the waistband up, pinching the excess fabric into extra pleats. Kikiyo's gaze flickered from Kaho to the view from the roof. Kaho felt her stomach drop, as if her friend had been ensnared by the thought to scale the chain-link fence and jump. She didn't. Her eyes glossed over as she stared out at the view. Each breath seemed to rip through her.
Sitting next to her in class, and seeing her so haggard must be so hard for Mamoru. Maybe she should have pressed harder, had Mamoru accept her help. Would that have helped? Kaho sighed, gazing through the links in the fence at the town below.
The town of Hanagawa was small and lacked buildings of significant height, sure there was the odd apartment block, but the district was rather smooth-looking from this height. From the roof, it looked like if Kikiyo wanted to, she could just step off and walk along the roofs of nearby houses out of sight into the world. Hell, the wind could take her and she could float above town. There really wasn't anything of her anymore. Kaho wondered if she would if she could. Leave, that is.
Something was eating away at her. Kikiyo shivered, the breeze whipping through her hair. She clutched her sides, teeth chattering. How much weight had Kikiyo lost?
"C'mon, let's head inside," Kaho said, holding her hand out to her friend, "It's freezing."
Kikiyo was shivering. She didn't take Kaho's hand but did follow her inside. Kaho was half a flight of stairs ahead of Kikiyo within moments, her brisk downward pace significantly faster than Kikiyo's. She walked like her knees were rusted and needed oiling. Her knees buckled with every downward step. Her knuckles were white as she cling to the bannister. They were almost on the second floor, just metres away from their classrooms when Kaho heard a a bang. She spun on her heel on the steps, scuffing her shoe. Kikiyo had fallen. She was slumped against the wall, heavy eyes fanning closed. Kaho shrieked, heading up the stairs and gently smacking each of Kikiyo's cheeks.
"Help! Help!" Kaho cried.
She hadn't expected the student to see her on her way up to be Matsuoka Naseru. His mouth opened into a small 'o' and he hastily made his way back down the stairs, sounding the alarm that someone had collapsed.
Kaho rummaged into her bag and produced her protein bar â€" had her Future Self remembered that Kikiyo was unwell? She couldn't tell. Kaho opened her friend's hand and put the bar in her palm.
"It's okay Kikiyo," Kaho said, supporting her friend's neck, "Matsuoka is going to get the nurse."
Kikiyo had passed out on the stairs, and despite her protestations after coming to, she was sent home for the day to recover. Kaho had stayed by her side until the nurse managed to get her down the stairs. She stayed in the nurse's office until well into second period, where Kaho spotted the 2A class rep bringing Kikiyo's school bag downstairs.
During breaks between her classes, Kaho's attention drifted from Kikiyo to her drawing tablet. She scowled at the screen, adding swirls of black and white around the canvas as if it would add more dimension, before furiously pressing 'undo'. She put her head in her hands and sighed. Her Future Self had insisted she didn't need to seek feedback, but Sayuri and Hikaru, keen artists of their own right, were still absent. Makoto was being mobbed by admirers. Who was it that was supposed to say something about her work?
When lunch finally came about, Kaho was quick to leave the classroom and face Mamoru. He was pale, his gaze downcast even as he hovered by her door.
Mamoru grabbed Kaho by the arm, steering her downstairs to the canteen. He hadn't waited for Ryota or Mariah, who had lingered in the classroom to chat to their classmates. She sat at their usual bench and raised her eyebrows at him.
"You going to tell us what's happening now?" Kaho demanded, rummaging in her bag and tossing a plastic wrapped bag of apple slices onto the table.
Mamoru gagged, flicking the bag of apples back to Kaho.
"Don't. Those are disgusting."
Kaho sighed, flicking the back the bag of apples. Mamoru flicked them back again.
"What is with you and apples, you weirdo?" Kaho said.
"Oh come on, Kaho. They're disgusting. I haven't eaten them since I was a kid," he mimed gagging and Kaho scowled at him.
"Kikiyo said that you choked on one because you're an idiot."
Mamoru scowled and crossed his arms. He reached into his bag and grabbed a bottle of water from inside his bag, unscrewing the cap and having a sip. He glared over the rim of the bottle at Kaho. She scowled at him.
"You need to talk to us, Mamoru."
Mamoru shrugged, rummaging in his school bag and producing a blue plastic folder, "Before I tell you, that is everything I could find on the new guy. Sorry it took so long to get this to you, Kaho. There's lots of blanks, you know. But he played basketball as part of a swanky program in the States, so I'm surprised he hasn't appeared begging your brother to join the starting lineup"
She shrugged and stuffed the folder in her bag, "I don't care about him right now. Why did Kikiyo pass out?"
Stupid question, Kikiyo had said herself that she was exhausted. She'd made it clear that she was burning at both ends, but what had thrown her wasn't that Kikiyo hadn't slept, it was the state of her. How she could see how she'd altered her school skirt to make sure it didn't fall down, how her body was so dangerously thin it looked like it would break.
Mamoru put his head in his hands. Shoulders bobbing up and down. Kaho winced. Mariah and Ryota joined them at the table, raising their eyebrows at Mamoru.
"You okay there?" Mariah asked, poking his hand. Mamoru stiffened and looked up. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, eyes red and puffy.
"I messed it all up," he cried, "Fuck!"
Ryota slung an arm around Mamoru's shoulder. He sobbed into his palms. Kaho pressed her lips into a line. What had his letters been saying about Kikiyo that nobody else knew? Had Ryota known? What had his letters said? And what about Mariah. Just because Future Kaho wasn't spilling her guts didn't mean Future Mariah or Future Ryota hadn't divulged every single secret in their arsenals.
Kaho sighed and opened her bento box, pointedly ignoring Mamoru's tears. Her lunch was simple, rice noodles, shredded pork and stir-fried veg. The deviders in her box had been removed to make room for the meal, completely mixed together. Taiga had made lunch last night, probably to appease his mother after whisking her away during the evening during dinner. She took a bite of meat and groaned. Damn Tauga knew how to season meat. Himiko was going to be having a field day. Mariah and Ryota's eyes flickered from Mamoru to Kaho, who was still refusing to look his way. He'd been the one to dismiss her help last week. And now she'd been sent home after passing out. She could have been seriously hurt.
"She's working herself to death," Mamoru sobbed, "That's what my letters said."
"Was her dad mugged again?" Mairah asked.
"That's what I asked!" Kaho said, dropping her chopsticks and crossing her arms.
"It didn't tell me why, my Future Self never said why, all he said was that it was urgent that I fix it, that we fix it, since I've completely fucked it now."
"Do we need to call someone? Social services maybe?" Ryota asked.
Mamoru wiped his eyes, "I thought I could help her. I've been slipping her money and things however she'll take it. But she won't take it. She keeps throwing it in my face. I put the money back in her shoe locker when I asked to go to the bathroom earlier. She won't take it tomorrow either but she needs help. Actual real help."
"Then shouldn't we call a social worker?" Ryota prompted, "I know our letters are giving us instructions on how to be better and whatever, but at the same time, isn't it important to know when enough is enough and we should actually depend on the people in the institutions that are supposed to help us."
"Like Ueno helped?" Mariah countered, "Poor Emi was a wreck when Ueno ignored her."
"Did Makoto say whether Kibata Mae was in the massage parlour?" Ryota asked, "It's been hard to hear a word he's said since he's now surrounded by adoring fans."
Kaho shook her head, "He hasn't said she was there. I don't think Emi's had the guts to ask. Especialy considering the absolute state of his face."
"Fuck Ueno. We're better equipped to help, surely," Mariah said, opening a plastic-wrapped pork brioche. She bit into it and shrugged, looking to the table for everyone else's opinions.
Kaho shrugged back, "I don't know if a cop is the same as social services, Mariah, I think that calling a social worker might actually help her."
Mamoru shook his head, "Bureaucracy will take too long. Kikiyo is on a knife edge and now I can't fucking watch her."
"Watch her?" Ryota scoffed, raising his eyebrows. "Like a stalker?"
"Sure, whatever, call me a stalker for all I care, Ryota. She is working herself to death. She's barely eating, or sleeping, and she's doing it all for her siblings."
"Ichigo isn't old enough to get a job, yet, is she?"
Mamoru shook his head, "I need some help. Please. Come to my place after school and then we can work it all out. Before she does something she can't take back."
Kaho nodded. Mariah and Ryota shared a glance and nodded too.
"I'll come to yours straight after practice tonight," Ryota declared, getting up, "Speaking of, I have a meeting with the volleyball team!"
He saluted the table and disembarked. Kaho rolled her eyes. Looks like Ryota was going to learn some tricks from the other sports teams…