"I don't understand myself, what am I? what is my purpose? What I'm trying to do? I just don't know."

"When i was child all was good, the big smile on my face when papa brought me new things or some gifts. Life was so peaceful, no tensions or anything, i don't have to think about others people's or what they think about me or how they see's me. I don't have to care about my actions or it's consciousness, through I was good child. The simple kindergarten (k.g) school life were i make some good and bad memories, my (k.g) school was really small, in fact in my class there was only 20 students including me, and there was hardly 5 or 6 teachers in entire school. Despite this the school environment was the best."

"The little me was really kind, for me my papa was my hero and my mom was my world."

"I was smart from the start, I'm also intelligent and I was a cool introvert and that time i understand my younger self well."

"Despite all this things as i grow up, i slowly started to learn human twisted nature, their greed, their selfishness. That's Started to disgust me, I'm not saying I'm a saint but atleast I'm a decent human being, and also I'm not saying that out there every human beings are the same. Out There, there are lots of people's who are kind and good natured. But in this modern era human beings thinks kind people's as idiots. As time passes human beings are becoming more evil. The societies are becoming toxic, humans are doing anything for money, nowadays people's make marriage like some children games and divorce in half an month, some parents didn't care about there children's life, some rich parents are so busy  that they can't even properly educate their son or daughter. Human beings also slowly started to destroy nature. There also some hypocrite's who cry online that they don't have enough money to live there luxurious life, i just thought were are this type of people's coming from, if you have the time to cry in online, why don't you people work instead. There are lots of people's who are living worse then you can think, why they all don't cry in online."

"Sometimes i think i would have been good, if not knowing about all this stuff. [should not have known all this] as they say ignorance is sometimes a blessing."

"Experience all this or hearing all this i slowly started to hate myself unknowingly as I was also a human being."

"I started to doubts myself, i started to loose my confidence, i started to walk out from my purpose, and now I don't even know my purpose, maybe living for my family or just living for the sake of it. "

"I become more mature mentally than a teenager should have, i started to being consciousness of my actions, how they can affect someone or something."

"Unknowingly i started to suppress my emotions, my smile, my kindness all of them are gone now."

....

To be continued