'This is hard...' Peridot thought, staring at an indescribable drawing.
Peridot had improved at moving her hands and was practicing drawing. It was a habit she had developed in the desert and chose to continue.
Until now, she had only drawn simple shapes and combined them to create human figures, but she struggled to produce realistic images.
She wasn't satisfied with her results. The shaky lines and odd shapes frustrated her, so she kept drawing over and over.
"It's done." On the paper, an image of several holes in a wall and destroyed injectors appeared. Peridot had drawn the most familiar scene in her mind: the Gamma Kindergarten.
After finishing the outline, she colored it with crayons. She used black and brown to create a sinister environment. Her notebook was filled with drawings of the kindergarten.
'This is so fun!' she thought joyfully.
She couldn't play video games or watch trivial things like in her past life; drawing was an awesome way to pass the time. She felt like the information became clearer as she made the image on the paper.
Peridot had many insights while drawing. It would be even better if she had been alone...
The nurse was watching her intently. Peridot had deliberately excluded her from the Appraisal to focus solely on her drawing.
Peridot couldn't notice her serious and worried expression as she observed her drawings.
The nurse didn't interrupt her, though. Peridot was relieved because, at least while she was drawing, she could enjoy some peace.
Drawing immersed her mind; it was as if the entire world disappeared. She was in an extreme state of flow and loved this sensation. She was becoming addicted to it.
Peridot remained in this state for a long time. When she noticed, morning had already turned to night, and many eyes were on her.
'What?' she thought, puzzled by the intruders.
There stood the serious woman and an unfamiliar doctor beside the talkative nurse.
'This is so embarrassing. Did they see my drawings?' she thought.
Peridot didn't like people seeing her mistakes. In her mind, her drawings were clumsy and ugly; she didn't want to show them to anyone.
She hid her notebook behind her back, as if saying she wouldn't tolerate more staring.
She knew her behavior was futile; the people had already seen her drawings, but at least it would relieve her shame.
'Why are they so serious?' Peridot wondered.
After an uncomfortable silence, the serious woman started to write something on a paper.
[Can you tell me what you were drawing?]
'Shit.'
Peridot finally noticed her position. What would the people around her think if a traumatized child drew strange and ugly things?
She slowly turned the page of her notebook and wrote a small note.
[I don't know.]
She decided to play with the amnesia concept. It was a convenient way to escape from any situation and explanations.
"..."
The battle of staring continued. Peridot couldn't predict how her words would be interpreted and was scared to think about it.
[Can you show it to me?] wrote the serious woman, pointing to her notebook.
'No way, do you want to see it again...?'
She didn't want to show it to anyone, but the atmosphere was too strange for her to refuse. She unwillingly handed over her notebook, accepting her death sentence.
The doctor, disregarding her feelings, turned each page attentively. Peridot just lay down in her bed. She gave up thinking about it. When the doctor finally finished examining the notebook, she wrote again on the paper.
[I will keep this for a while. I will return it soon.]
"..."
With those words, the intruders left, leaving a broken and ashamed child alone.
'I want to die.'
✦
The woman returned her notebook the next day, and despite her worries, nothing changed. The walks with the serious woman became more frequent, but that was all.
Peridot was grateful for her kindness but also bothered by the people who approached without regard for common sense.
Peridot saw strange hands with her Appraisal trying to touch her body. She didn't know how many elderly women had approached her, offering candies and patting her head.
She held the doctor's coat every time a large group of people approached. It wasn't because Peridot was shy or scared of people; she was just tired of dealing with so much kindness.
When she was a guy with a stoic face, people usually avoided her. Now, she didn't know how to make people leave her alone. That's why she delegated the task to the serious woman.
The serious woman acted as a wall; all the hands seemed to vanish in her presence. Thanks to that, Peridot could just enjoy her surroundings.
That was her usual routine, but today they weren't on a simple walk. The doctor stopped in front of an unfamiliar door.
'What's going on?' It was a path Peridot had never taken before, and the doctor was acting differently than usual.
[Why are we here?] Peridot wrote in her old notebook.
The doctor stopped her hands from opening the door. She had been making an even more serious face than usual, so Peridot was worried about her.
'Is something serious happening?' she thought.
Since Peridot lost her senses, she had become more attuned to people's expressions and body language.
The woman's heartbeats were accelerated, her steps faster than usual, and her breathing shorter. She was always making a contemplative face as if struggling with something inside.
She was obviously worried about something.
[Are you okay?] wrote Peridot with her usual unexpressive face.
The doctor's heartbeats slowed a few seconds later, and her face returned to her usual self. Peridot's words seemed to affect her.
The serious woman took a pen from her coat pocket and retrieved her old notebook.
Peridot stared at the woman writing for a long time. It was like she was choosing her words carefully.
Minutes passed this way until the woman returned her notebook.
[Don't worry about me. It's the social services; they will ask you some questions, and you just need to answer honestly. I will be waiting for you here.]
"..."
Peridot finally understood what was going on and why the doctor was acting so strange. She had spent a long time in the hospital undergoing exams and being cared for by nurses, but she couldn't stay there forever.
'They're going to send me out.' That was something she had thought about before, so she wasn't sad or surprised by the woman's words. Instead, she thought it should have happened earlier.
The woman seemed anxious about it. Peridot could understand; it would be harder for them to see each other if they were separated, but there was nothing they could do about it.
She just accepted the results as something that couldn't be changed.
[Okay.]
The doctor stared at her words for a moment and finally opened the door.
Inside, a man in a black suit sat holding papers. The sight made her entire mind go cold.
She reflexively held the doctor's coat. Her instincts were telling her to leave.
'Loan sharks.' Peridot had developed a trauma from black suits and sunglasses in her previous life, and this trauma seemed to have come with her.
Her life had never been easy. Her father was an incompetent man even after his death. She lived running away from loan sharks and didn't have good memories of those times.
Even though black was her favorite color, she hated black suits as much as cigarettes.
She held the doctor's coat with unusual strength for her body. The woman seemed confused by her behavior, and the man in the black suit also looked puzzled.
Peridot limited her Appraisal to simple shapes again and tried to forget the man's mental image. She was feeling a fear she hadn't felt even when alone in an abandoned world. This showed how deeply the man affected her.
Her hidden gem was emitting a dangerous light throughout the process; if she couldn't calm herself, she didn't know how it would interfere with her disguise.
While she was struggling with these worries, the man skillfully approached with slow movements and knelt until he was at eye level. He picked up a small notebook from his suit and started to write.
[Hi, I'm Jamie. I'm here to help you; you don't need to be scared.] wrote Jamie. His handwriting was filled with details and stylistic mannerisms.
The kindness of the social services man made Peridot feel ashamed for preventing the doctor from leaving.
In her previous life, she wouldn't have reacted to a black suit, but now she seemed a bit more sensitive.
[Hi]
Peridot felt sorry for the man but kept her responses minimal.
[I noticed you like Doctor Priyanka. Do you want her to stay with us while we talk?]
'Priyanka? Is that the serious woman's name?' Peridot finally realized she had never asked the doctor's name before. She was used to just calling her the serious woman in her mind. The name was peculiar, one she had never heard before.
[Yes]
At this, both adults exchanged glances. Priyanka pulled up a chair and sat by her side while the man remained seated in front of them.
Peridot's hands never stopped holding her coat until the end.
[How are you feeling? Is there something that makes you feel uncomfortable?]
The man seemed curious about her actions. Peridot answered without contempt.
[Black suit]
It was so uncomfortable that she would have preferred to have the interview with the man naked. Obviously, she wouldn't do something as crazy as ask him to remove his clothes.
[I'm sorry. Do you want me to wear something else for this interview?]
'I can't even see your face; what's the point of changing clothes right now?' she thought ironically. Her mind seemed to have calmed a little, and the light was becoming softer.
[It's okay]
The interview continued this way. After the uncomfortable first meeting, Peridot handled the questions well. The man asked simple things like what she did in the hospital, what she liked, and other trivial matters. Peridot always responded with brief, straightforward answers.
[I see you like Doctor Priyanka. Is there someone else you'd like to stay with us?]
For a brief moment, the image of a chatty nurse flashed in her mind, but Peridot deliberately ignored it.
[No]
The man paused, deep in thought, while Doctor Priyanka stayed by her side, saying nothing. Peridot couldn't describe their feelings with words, but she noticed Doctor Priyanka's heartbeat suddenly accelerating.
'Are you worried about something again?' Peridot analyzed the doctor and noticed a peculiar detail about her lower body. 'Wait, is she on her period?'
She remembered the doctor's actions and her avoidance behavior; everything started to make sense now.
'I was so insensitive.' It was something she couldn't relate to as a man, but she remembered how much her grandmother would struggle with pain while cursing.
She decided to treat the woman better and finish the interview as quickly as possible.
[Is there something you need? How can I help you?]
[I want to be alone with Doctor Priyanka.]
This was the first time she had written so much. Her answer was like a knife, suddenly ending the conversation.
What Peridot couldn't know was the impact of this last sentence after being interpreted by both adults around her.