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"Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy."― François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
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We are all gathered around the table, chatting to each other, but I feel his gaze on me. I try to ignore it, looking back at him, his eyes are the same as a predator ready to devour its prey. I turn my head and my eyes fall on the face of the gentle baroness, who was explaining a funny story that happened to her and her husband on a trip to Veinetich, a small city in Edolash.
"He was so mad that he promised the owner of the inn we would never go back to Veinetich!" We all laughed, except for my very husband who kept staring at me.
"Will you excuse myself, thank you for this succulent dinner, baroness," I kiss her hand, "I must retire myself for the night, I need to rest for tomorrow's trip." The baroness laughs, the Baron doesn't. I get up from my seat, bow slightly and go into my bedroom.
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Upstairs, Lorel helps me get ready for the night. He brushes my hair and puts on me, my sleeping gowns. I thank and dismiss him. I wait for a few minutes, before discreetly get out of my room with a candle.
When I see no domestics in the hallway, I walk toward his room, turn the hang of the door and engulfs myself inside.
I put the candle down on the desk, I blow it and go toward the bed. I take off the covers and lie down. Protected by the covers, I take off my night gowns and let them slip out of the bed to land on the floor.
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I didn't wait too long. He knew that I was here, he opened the door and closed it immediately. He takes off his clothes, I hear them fall on the ground.
He walks toward the other side of the bed and takes off the covers. I felt the bed sagging and he put the covers back on us.
His hands find my waist, I can barely feel myself breathing. His hands slowly caresses my thigh, before going up, toward my pelvis, to my belly. My breath itches when his index lands on my erect nipple. He does not dwell on it, and proceeds to find my face.
I feel his hot breath on my face, tickling. He licks my nose and kisses my eyes.
"Are you ready, your Highness?" I don't know what to reply, I don't know if I'm ready or even what I am ready for. While knowing this man will in the near future be the father of my child, I don't know if I am ready to finally start all of this. I don't know if I am capable of enduring all of that, of losing people that are dear to me because of the love I hold for this empire.
"Alexander, are you ready?" He asks again, this time I know he talks to me as the Alexander he first met almost three decades ago, a small and timid Alexander who wouldn't dare even look in an adult's eyes. He was talking to his friends who chose to sacrifice him for the wellbeing of others, to put him in danger, even if was the most important person in his life. He was talking to a man who always desired him, wanted to hold him in his arms and live by his sides...
"Alexander, are you ready?" I feel like it was the last time, the last time that he would try to give me the chance to take him with me on this adventure, so I finally reply.
"Yes..." He pushes me beneath him. He embraces me in his strong arms and kisses me passionately, with fervor, like our souls were talking to each other. Tears fall down on my face, tears that I can no longer hold inside.
He puts his knee between my legs, I spread them for him.
"I will have to touch you, do you want me to touch you?" I kiss him in response, moaning to encourage him to go further.
He breaks off the kiss to open the drawer of the nightstand, taking out something.
I hear him opening it, then feel a liquid substance falling down my erect penis to my eager, twitching rear.
He tossed it on the bed and went back on lips. His hands travel down my body, from my chest, he twists my nipples, rubs it. Before letting go of my mouth, to tease my buds, pulling them, biting them intensely, leaving me in a moaning mess.
He kisses my belly, lowers down to my pelvic area and licks my shaft from the base to its tip.
He takes me in his mouth, sucking only the head of my penis.
"Ahhh, Hassan..." I sigh, I feel his finger tracing my hole, massaging it. He doesn't push it inside yet, just teases my trance.
"What is it, Alexander? Tell me." He speaks with his mouth still around my penis, vibration from it spreads through my shaft. I feel the climax building in me, however he takes me out of his mouth, making me whimper. I'm extremely embarrassed, I basically act like the whores who he takes pleasure from. I suddenly feel the rush to hide myself, so I push him away from me and try to get off the bed to fly away from this room.
"Wait! Your highness please!" I don't want to listen to whatever he wants to tell me, I just feel disgusted by myself. I hurry up and get on the floor to find my nightgowns, when I finally find them I run toward the desk to find my candle, which I eventually leave when I hear him getting up from the bed.
I run to the door and open it. Once in the hallway, I walk as fast as I can to get in my room and lock myself inside.
I feel the tears streaming down my face, as I slowly walk myself toward the window where I end up sitting down to observe the darkness of the forest.
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It was a weird night, Sir Hassan came to my room and knocked on it a few times, trying to talk to me and understand what happened. But I couldn't find myself letting the man get inside, I think that I wasn't ready, in the end.
I didn't sleep, I couldn't. I kept myself awake, torturing my mind over what I could have done differently or maybe even trying to share with him what was always following me like a shadow, every time we shared a moment of intimacy.
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He didn't talk to me once. We were in the carriage and he wouldn't even try to look in my direction. I ended up doing what I did best to other people I cared for, I disgusted him.
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