I had no idea how I managed to get home. All I remembered was blurred streets streaking past me as the car sped through the night. I had no idea who was driving the car or how I got in it.
All I knew was one moment, I was drowning in the weight of my mother's words, terrified of my realization, and the next I was in the Sanders estate, the silence heavy as always.
I walked down empty halls, trailing my fingers along the walls. My family was most likely still at the premiere celebrating Emilia's success, and Damian would be deep asleep.
I slipped off my heels, wincing at the pain in my feet, I hadn't even realized how much the night had drained me. I should have gone straight to my room, should've curled under the covers and let sleep take me.
Yet, I found my feet taking me down a path I hadn't been down in over 10 years. I gently pushed open the door to his wing. The halls were as clean as ever. Mother still had people come in and clean it every week.
Looking at it, you'd never guess no one had set foot in here since that day. I paused in front of his room, I wondered if he forgave me, or if he still blamed me just like the rest of my family.
I hesitated, my hand shook over the doorknob. Going in there, would be like opening Pandora's box, the memories, the emotions, they'd all come flooding out, and I'd be powerless to stop them.
I took a deep breath, I had to do this. Tonight might be the only chance to see him. Mother would never let me down here, and she'd kill me if she knew what I was doing right now.
I pushed open the door. The place still smelled like him, I could still hear his laugh, still see him moving around like he had all the time in the world.
And just like I'd predicted, it all came flooding back, everything I'd locked away in my mind. The way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the way his entire body shook when he laughed.
A tear slipped down my face, I sank to my knees, my gown spreading around me. The walls were covered in so many pictures of him. Him doing different things, reading, sleeping, having dinner with his friends. They covered all the years of his life.
His table was still covered in his books, like he was coming back any minute. The closet, the walls, the bedsheets, everything was just like I remembered. The rest of the house had moved on, but this bedroom, this wing, it was stuck in time.
Never changing, never evolving, always the same, waiting for him to return. Something that would never happen.
I was sobbing uncontrollably, my shoulders trembling. I wiped the tears away, but they kept coming, they wouldn't stop, no matter how hard I tried.
I curled up in a ball, just letting it all out, breathing in the familiar scent of the past. I knew it wasn't real, just a remnant of times long gone, but I couldn't help but hold on to it anyway.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry." I curled even deeper into myself. I had no idea if he could hear me, or if he even knew I was here, I just needed to say it.
The weight of everything pressed down on my chest, it crushed me beneath a blanket of a despair. But, nothing came close to the guilt and sadness of losing him.
My hands traced the legs of his desk, how many times had I sat here listening to him talking about his plans of the future? All the things he'd wanted to do, to accomplish.
He'd always believed in me, told me I could do anything. He was my biggest supporter. My vision blurred as I picked up a photo frame, resting on his desk.
It was the two of us, the last one we'd ever taken. I could still remember that day, I was sad because mother had yelled at me, and he'd been trying to cheer me up.
We both stared at the camera with huge smiles on our face, his arm on my shoulder laughing at some long forgotten joke.
That was the last time I'd felt safe. It was the last time I'd truly been happy. I sat there for hours, staring at nothing, just remembering him.
Then slowly, I got to my feet, smoothed the wrinkles in my dress, and shoved the emotions back in their place. Aaron was gone, and nothing would ever change that. I was alone, just like always.
A door shut loudly downstairs, making me jump. I couldn't be caught up here, I wouldn't survive whatever punishment mother came up with.
"Damn it." I muttered, I had to get out. I moved swiftly to the door, wiping away the leftover tear tracks on my face. Pausing in front of the door, I took one long last look around the room. Who knew how long it would be before I saw it again? Before I saw him again.
I crept through the silent halls, keeping an eye out for whoever it was. It couldn't be my family, it was still too early for them to be home and the staff had all left for the night. So who was it?
I paused outside the wing, listening for any footsteps, there were none.
I was almost at my room when I heard a voice, it was low and male.
"Is anyone there?" It called. I let out a sigh of relief, it was just Liam. He was still half asleep, rubbing his eyes.
"Over here, Liam." I waved at him.
"Elly!" He cried, running to me. His small body collided with my legs, almost knocking me over.
"What's wrong, baby?" I lifted the sobbing boy into my arms.
"I had a nightmare and there was no one there and Mum, and Dad and Emmy went around. I even tried calling Mum but she just told me to be a big boy and stop bothering her." I could barely understand what he was saying over his blubbering.
"It's okay, it's okay," I soothed him. "How about you stay with me tonight, hmm? Would you like that?"
"Yes please." He whispered.
Laying in bed, watching Liam sleep, I realized something, that I would do everything within my power to make sure Liam never grew up the way I did, he'd never feel lonely or invisible.