I got down from the carriage and made my way upstairs but stopped in my tracks and turned to look at Teon, who was standing there with his head down.
"D… Do you want to stay here for the night?" I asked, and he looked up. "I… Well, I… uh… because it's late, so…" I trailed off, looking away.
"Okay," he replied with a faint smile. I sighed in relief and just watched him come closer.
I turned and walked inside with Teon trailing behind. I felt very weird, like I was sick but not really. It wasn't a symptom I knew of.
"My lady, we were so worried when you didn't come back," the head maid said, running out. "Oh, your highness, pardon my manners," she said, bowing. Come to think of it, I always speak and act casually towards Teon even though he's a member of the imperial family. "Will his highness be staying here tonight?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied, and she nodded.
"Please come with me, your highness," she said to Teon. I turned to look at him but felt that weird feeling again.
"Goodnight, Fay," he said and walked away.
"Goodnight," I mumbled inaudibly.
I turned and walked to my room. I first washed off every trace of the palace from my body before going to bed. I turned and looked outside. I was really scared; I had given up completely. If Teon hadn't shown up, I had no will to fight.
…
I walked out of my room and went to the dining room. I hadn't eaten anything substantial in days, and it was taking a toll on my body.
I walked in and saw Teon seated there, his head on his hand as he stared at me. I felt that weird feeling again but brushed it off and walked in.
"Good morning," he said, and I nodded, keeping my head down.
"Morning," I replied, taking my seat.
I was really hungry because I hadn't eaten anything in days. I ate quietly, feeling grateful that I was out of that place.
"I'm going to the South," Teon said, and I looked up. If my memory is right, that is Rosens territory. Why is he going there? "I'm going to see one of the old generals who will help me set my footing in the order of knights without any problems," he continued. "Will you be staying here?" he asked.
"Uh… no, I'm going to return to the academy," I replied.
"That's best. You're not safe here," he said, and I nodded.
"Well, good luck in your endeavors," I said, standing up.
"Faina," he called, and I looked at him. "Don't get any more involved in this fight," he said. I never had plans of involving myself; it's not like I could do anything to begin with.
"I know," I said.
"It's not safe anywhere right now. No matter what, don't get involved. Even if master is in danger," he said. That's a lot to ask, but can I say no?
"Okay," I replied.
"Just…" he stopped and shook his head, standing up. "I'll be leaving first," he said, walking past me.
"Bye," I mumbled.
"When are you going to the academy?" he asked, and I turned.
"Today, probably," I replied.
"I'll… I'll drop you off. I won't feel comfortable leaving," he said. These gestures are a normal thing when it comes to Teon. Why is it making me feel weird?
"Thank you," I muttered under my breath.
I watched the door Teon walked out of absentmindedly. What's wrong with me? I need to stop reacting this way to everything.
I walked to my room and checked for things I might need to move. I didn't have much to move; it was mostly the notes I take with me everywhere I go.
I walked out and met Teon standing outside by the carriage. I sighed and walked down with my head down.
"Are you ready?" he asked, and I nodded. He brought out his hand, and I looked at it briefly before taking it. I sat down inside with my head facing outside.
The ride was long and silent. I looked outside the whole time and acted like I didn't know that Teon was looking at me most of the time. When we finally got there, I was in a hurry to get down.
I stood at the beginning of the stairs and watched as my things were brought up.
"Are you okay staying here alone?" Teon asked, and I looked up in the direction of the house.
I am definitely not okay. I was not scared before because I had Tyler, but now I'm alone. I was so scared I just wanted to stand there.
"I'm fine," I replied. He looked like he wanted to say something but changed his mind.
"I'll take my leave now. Wish me luck, Fay," he said, and I waved at him.
"Good luck," I whispered. I stood there until the carriage was out of sight before going inside.
The moment I walked in, I locked the door and went to my room and locked the door as well. I sat down and stared at the door intently. I still felt scared like someone could burst in any minute.
I slid to the ground and hugged my legs to my chest. I was back to fearing every minute. I was back to dreading what lies past my door. I had hoped I'd never feel this way again.
"I'm scared," I admitted to myself.
I closed my eyes and relaxed my head against the bed. I wanted nothing more than to go back to when I was younger. I was healthier and wasn't as scared as I am now.
The same way I want to be younger is the same way I want to wake up older. It would mean I survived the Large Worms even though chances are slim.
My worries were piling up, and I didn't know how to ease my drained mind. I was worried about the Large Worms, but I was also worried about Teon and mother.
They both had a lot on their plate. Teon acted out because of me, and that might cause problems for him. It made me feel like I was in the way. I just wished I was more useful, but what could I possibly do?
I didn't like the expression he had in the carriage. He looked really sad. It made me want to ask why his father hated him so much. I would not ask that because I know it's a sore spot, and it would be insensitive of me to ask. I wish I could make him feel better, but I can't do anything.
I feel so helpless.