Hina stared at the door, the knife hidden behind her back.
Her heart pounded in her chest, ready for anything.
She expected someone from her old gang to be on the other side, coming to settle scores.
Her past life had left her no escape, and even though she tried to flee from that world, she knew that sooner or later, someone would come looking for her.
With a deep breath, she slowly turned the handle and opened the door.
Hina was ready to strike in every instant, with adrenaline and anger flowing directly trough her veins.
But when the light from the hallway illuminated the person on the other side, Hina froze in surprise.
There was no criminal, no enemy.
Just an old lady.
It was her neighbor, who was smiling sweetly at her.
In her hands was a small tray covered with a white cloth.
The sweet scent of freshly baked pastry filled the air.
"Good evening, dear," the woman said warmly. "I thought I'd bring you a little welcome treat. You know, I don't see you out much, and I figured it would be nice to do something for you."
Hina stood still, unable to react.
The knife she held behind her back suddenly seemed completely out of place.
She had prepared for a fight, but instead... she was being offered a cake.
The contrast between what she had imagined and the reality was so stark that, for a moment, she didn't know what to say.
Lowering her gaze in embarrassment, she discreetly hid the knife behind her.
"Oh-uhm... thank you, Marika-San…" she muttered, trying not to sound too cold, but unable to fully mask her tension.
The old lady smiled, oblivious to Hina's inner turmoil. "I hope you like it. It's a family recipe," she said, handing her the tray.
Hina took the cake, still confused by this unexpected act of kindness.
"Thank you," she repeated with a "strange" tone of voice, unsure of what else to say.
The woman nodded and turned to leave.
"If you need anything, you know where to find me," she added before disappearing down the hallway.
Hina put on a fake smile and then slowly closed the door, holding the cake in her hands.
She felt foolish.
She had been ready to fight, only to receive an act of kindness instead.
She didn't know how to react to something so normal, so... human.
She placed the tray on the table and returned to her seat on the couch.
The adrenaline that had filled her moments before slowly drained away, leaving her feeling empty and tired.
She took another look at the tray and then moved her gaze to the floor before letting out a small sigh.
Hina had always lived her life with criminals.
That's a kind of lifestyle that does not abandon you forever.
All the things that this life gives to you will be permanently attached to your soul forever and ever, and probably marks your future descendants.
That's why Hina didn't know how to react.
She was scared that someone came to kill her.
She wasn't used to kindness since she never received any.
The only humanity that she saw actually came from her "big sister" Akira, who couldn't leave her life with her.
Hina's heart sank whenever she thought about her name.
The only person who helped Hina and saw her like a human being, was still part of that dangerous lifestyle, refusing to leave everything to go with her.
To stop thinking about all these things and relax for a bit, Hina decided to start reading again.
She had finally found something that actually brought her a sense of comfort.
As the silence of her apartment once again became oppressive, her eyes fell on the comic book she had been reading earlier.
Maria, the vampire queen.
The character that had fascinated her so much.
Maria was a being capable of destroying entire worlds, driven by an obsession for the vampire hunter, Alex.
Despite all the power she possessed, her heart belonged solely to him, and she was willing to sacrifice everything for that impossible love.
Hina saw herself reflected in that character. Maria was the symbol of her own torment.
Like her, Maria had destroyed lives and lost touch with her humanity.
And yet, Maria had found a purpose, a desire so strong that it gave her the strength to keep going, even if the world hated her.
Hina had no one to fight for.
There was no Alex in her life.
But that passion, that flame that consumed Maria... Hina understood it.
Deep down, she too was searching for something to give meaning to it all.
She wondered if she could ever find some peace, something that would pull her away from the path of revenge, from the emptiness she felt inside.
She kept reading, losing herself in the pages of the comic.
Every word, every image, captivated her more.
Maria wasn't just a monster.
She was also a victim of her own emotions, just like Hina.
Living a life where she was forced to become a monster.
For the first time in a long while, Hina felt drawn to something that wasn't violence or revenge.
She allowed herself to be carried away by the story, immersing herself in the tale, and finding an unexpected sense of calm in those pages.
It was as if, by reading about Maria's desperation and obsession, she could see fragments of herself reflected in the character.
And so, page after page, for a brief moment, Hina tasted a sense of normalcy.
A reprieve from the chaos of her life.
Perhaps, she thought, there was still hope for her.
"Maria… I think we are part of the same universe…" Hina whispered to herself.
Then, after finishing the first part of the book, Hina stopped reading snd closed to book in order to start planning the things to do for the rest of her days.
First of all, she wanted to go to school and meet new people and friends.
She wasn't used to human relationships, and that was probably her biggest fear.
Then, she also wanted a boyfriend, or someone that would've cared for her deeply.
The feelings and conceptions of "love" that she had read in the book seemed to have made Hina more interested in discovering these kind of feelings.
"Love…" Hina repeated, while looking at a corner of the room.
"Probably the most dangerous feelings of all… I want to see what love is… what it feels to love… what it feels to be loved and cared by someone…" Hina said, while standing up.
She then walked into the bathroom and took a look to herself into the mirror.
She noticed how her hair were messy and her style was actually… not so "elegant".
She was a complete mess.
Hina wasn't used to do "girly" things like preparing herself and caring for her own appearance since nobody ever told her how she looked like.
Her criminal lifestyle made her forget about her appearance or her image in general, so she never used to prepare herself.
She leaned her face closer to the mirror, with her nose feeling the cold sensation of glass.
She took a deep breath and then moved her head back.
Then, Hina touched her right cheek with her right hand.
It was one of the first times where she started to worry about herself.
Interacting and integrating into a society full of normal people would've meant to reflect a proper image of herself, just to be accepted.
Society always had problems with "bad-looking" people according to the majority of people.
The more attractive you are, the more opportunities you will find, even in social relationships.
On the other hand, if people perceive you as unattractive or strange-looking, they will often avoid you at first glance.
Modern society is like this nowadays.
Everything and everyone is so… superficial.
"Oh my… I should… start caring about myself… I'm a mess…" Hina then said to herself while touching her hair.
"I wonder how people would react if they see me in that state…" Hina added, not considering that the old lady who gave her the cake didn't care about her look.
She then softly slapped her cheeks to gain some motivation.
"Okay, Hina. Let's do it. You can do it." She said, with a cheerful tone.
Hina finally took her decision.
She wanted to leave everything behind her and try to live a normal life , like she had always wanted and craved for.
Her life was about to start in a new way…
Hina stood in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection with renewed determination.
The decision she had made moments ago felt foreign, yet thrilling.
She wasn't used to this…to caring about her appearance, to imagining a life that didn't revolve around danger and survival.
It was the first time for her to experience these kind of feelings.
Her hand brushed through her hair, feeling its roughness between her fingers.
She hadn't noticed how much she'd neglected herself.
The thought made her chest tighten, but not with fear this time.
There was a spark of something else… hope, maybe? Or perhaps curiosity.
She was literally diving into unknown territory, but it was a place she needed and wanted to explore.
She turned away from the mirror and walked back to her couch.
Her eyes landed on the tray the old woman had brought over.
The pastry sat untouched. Hina realized it was still warm, the sweet scent filling her apartment.
She hesitated, then picked up a small piece of the pastry and took a bite…