We've been sitting on this bench in the garden for some time now, but not a single word has escaped his lips. Is he still angry with me?
"Forgive me for asking, your highness, but are you still upset with me?"
My voice trembled, as if I were about to be overcome with emotion again. My heart pounded in my chest as I squirmed and twiddled my fingers, my nervousness bubbling to the surface as I waited for his reply. A lengthy pause transpired, after which he emitted a deep sigh and ultimately raised his head to make eye contact. His expression was nothing like the image I had in my mind.
"I'm afraid…this sort of thing will continue to happen when I'm not by your side. That being said, I'm going to ask you one last time…"
A deep frown replaced his usually confident demeanor, and he spoke in a halting, uncertain way.
"Are you certain…you want to work for me, princess?" he asked with a serious expression.
"Yes, I do. I'll do anything you require of me, your highness. I want to be useful to you in any way I can because-"
"In that case, why not simply become my consort?" he interrupted curtly.
I had intended to remain silent on this subject, but the situation demands that I now address it directly.
"Might I have the honor of courting your heart?"
It's possible that he didn't fully mean what he said. Nathan is aware of my current situation. There's no way he could truly feel that way about me. It's simply impossible.
"Your highness, I'm afraid I can never become your consort."
The sting of those words lingered on my tongue, like the bitter aftertaste of unshed tears. The feeling of my heart being squeezed in my chest was intense, and for a moment I thought about retracting what I had just said. My tongue itched to speak, but I had to clamp it shut once more, biting back the words.
"…I see."
He quietly rose from his seat, a shadow falling over me as he loomed with his hands slid into his pockets. I hesitated to look up and meet his gaze, apprehensive of the expression that might greet me. The surrounding air seemed to crackle with tension as he let out a sigh that sounded more like a growl.
"Very well then. Come to my study tomorrow first thing and be ready to take the aptitude test."
"Yes, your highness. I shall be there on time."
As Nathan walked away, the sound of his footsteps fading in the distance left me with a profound sense of loneliness. A feeling of unease settles over me, a nagging premonition that our relationship will never be the same after today.
It is an absolute requirement that one must be of noble lineage to marry into the imperial bloodline. In this current state, my existence is an imminent danger to everyone around me. Despite being brought here by the emperor himself, my status remains that of an undocumented immigrant, lacking both a name and a formal title. If word gets out that I'm alive, Loraine will surely use that as leverage against Alkaraz, threatening them with war. If that happens, thousands of people might get hurt because of me. I can't bear the thought of more bloodshed in my conscience. Perhaps it would have been easier if I had simply let her kill me at that moment.
~The Next Day, Nathan's Study
After our brief exchange yesterday, I left without asking why she rejected my offer. Since I know what's bothering her, I'll give her the space she needs. This will provide me with the time to both clear my mind of distractions and concentrate fully on the critical tasks that lie ahead.
"My prince…" approached Leo, with a piece of paper in his grasp.
"S-she passed-and with the highest mark at that. No one has ever answered these questions until now. How…is this possible, your highness?"
I had a strong feeling, a certainty even, that she possessed the ability to do well in this test. However, I did not expect such an outstanding result. This exam, formulated by Leo, served as an indirect method for eliminating candidates he deemed undesirable. He created a level of difficulty so extreme in his questioning that even a cursory glance at the questions left some people nearly unconscious from the intense stress.
"How does she know so much about our history? I had to browse through our archives to verify some of her answers. Your highness, this is rather suspicious."
He's rather shaken, a stark paleness coloring his face, eyes wide with fear. Although if I had to guess, I'd say the previous Duke Kartier, a man known for his sharp intellect and access to restricted archives, had a lot to do with her deep understanding of our history.
"Your highness, this is no laughing matter. Shall I investigate her? Perhaps I should have her followed, or…"
He's losing his head. This is the second time I'm witnessing this frantic side of him. How amusing!
"Settle down, Leo. I promise she does not have any ulterior motive for being here. I know you don't like her, but please try to be civil."
"I do not dislike the princess, your highness. I am merely exercising caution."
"Where is the princess right now?"
"She is waiting in the drawing room, your highness. Shall I bring her here?"
"Yes. Also, make the arrangements to welcome my very first secretary."
"P-pardon?" he jolted in surprise.
"B-but…your highness!"
+++++
"We haven't enjoyed such delightful tea in a while, have we, Duchess Gwen?"
"Indeed, your majesty. It has been too long." She forced a grin before sipping her tea.
Upon learning of my contribution to the unfortunate decline in the crown prince's standing, his majesty, in an act of surprising grace, offered me a choice. The look on his face filled me with such intense fear that I lost control and blurted out everything I knew, spilling my guts to him.
"I suggest you reevaluate your choice of ally if you wish to live long enough to see your grandchildren. My successor, unlike me, is rather meticulous in matters involving our empire. Bear that in mind as you ponder my advice."
Hearing such a statement from a man I've harbored affections for over the years was, to put it mildly, terrifying. His Majesty's pronouncements weighed heavily on my conscience, and his distant attitude towards me pained my heart. I could not endure another day of his cold shoulder. Therefore, I adhered to his counsel and incrementally estranged myself from the duchess. I made my decision, fully cognizant of the potential repercussions, but a conversation with the prince five years ago revealed the veracity of his Majesty's words.
"The titular role of Empress truly does not befit your character, Your Majesty. My complete support is yours, should you ever decide to change the course of your life."
His words wounded my pride, causing me to briefly contemplate reversing my decision; however, I recognized the validity of his statement. He saw right through me that day. My imperial title was purely nominal, a consequence of mistaking feigned friendship for genuine appreciation. I let her pull my strings, allowing her to manipulate me however she desired, for it was she who had secured my place on the throne.
"Princess Yurivera's ardent pursuit of her brother, despite his firm rejections, has been brought to my notice. I fear this may further compromise her friendship with my Florette, Your Majesty."
The unparalleled audacity to address a princess as a nuisance before her own mother, the empress herself, belonged only to the fearless Duchess Gwendolynn. We haven't had the chance to confront each other ever since I broke free from her clutches. I guess the time has finally come.
"Duchess Gwendolynn, I must remind you that Princess Yurivera is a daughter of the monarch you serve. Pray tell, why do you speak of her as though she were a mere commoner, unworthy of respect?"
Ever since she arrived, a quiet tension has filled the tearoom, broken only by the clinking of teacups. Would you look at that expression? Her animosity towards me is so intense that it feels as though she's about to strike me, her rage barely contained.
"My sincerest apologies, your majesty." She seethed quietly, her anger causing the tea in her teacup to ripple.
"Now then, shall we address the reason you requested to see me today, duchess?"
A sigh escaped her lips as she placed her teacup down, the delicate porcelain cup clicking softly against the saucer. A tense stillness settled over her features, and her eyes held a cold, hard light that suggested impending unpleasantness.
+++++
"Congratulations on passing the test, princess."
His expressionless face, like a mask of stone, sent a chill down my spine. Even though I was standing right in front of him, his eyes held a distant, unreachable quality. Perhaps this is for the best.
"You are hereby appointed as my secretary. Chamberlain Leo will provide details pertaining to your new role. Oh! And also, your identity must remain concealed until instructed otherwise."
How am I supposed to do that? I cannot dye my hair because of a chemical allergy, and I also cannot use eye color-altering potions. I should tell him now, before it's too late.
"Um…your highness."
"Yes, what is it?"
He sounds annoyed.
"I'm afraid I cannot wear any hair dye because it causes my skin to break into rashes. Also… any attempt to change my eye color would lead to temporary blindness."
Loraine's obsession with strengthening my immunity led her to dye my hair in a multitude of colors and apply a similar treatment to my eyes. My body reacted violently to the chemicals, each reaction more intense than the last, with burning sensations and tremors. Had my brother not intervened, I would have undoubtedly perished. Must I endure a recurrence of that ordeal to protect my identity? I shudder at the very thought.
"How about wearing a wig?"
Their intense stares are making me uncomfortable; I wonder what is going through their minds right now. While Nathan's gaze was previously cold, I'm pleased to see a small amount of warmth present in his eyes.
"I've never worn a wig before, but I am more than willing to try."
"Very well. I'll leave her in your care, Leo. I shall head to the ceremonial hall now."
"Leave it to me, your highness." We bowed as he left the room.
"Now then, shall we discuss the details of your contract, your highness?"