Concrete walls welcomed Xander back. Grant wasn't there, probably at the soldier's cot. For some reason, Xander didn't think he was resting there.
Usually he would be sitting at one of the park benches while holding a newspaper, but now, he was probably still near the gateway.
It was around five in the afternoon. He was a little late, but he shrugged his shoulders. River would probably understand. It wasn't the first time he came late anyway. She would probably yell at him because she was hungry.
Right now, he just wanted to cool off and take a nap. He couldn't be bothered for anything else.
He'd done his job for the day. He got the money. The past seven hours were a literal hell ever since he woke up.
For some reason, it didn't feel like it would end.
He trudged up the staircase of his unit. One step over the other and he opened the door to the apartment. Putting up his cloak on the coat hanger, he stepped into the apartment.
River was sitting bored in the corner of the small abode. She finished her book. The notepad she was using was almost filled up. He could see badly drawn diagrams of whatever she learned. Scratches and lines of apparently represented the flow of water, but it was either that his eyes were still messed up, or that her drawing skill still haven't become any better.
"You're finally back."
"I'm back."
He placed the basket down on the kitchen table and slumped down next to it. River looked at him in a strange way.
"Your face looks even more awful than before. You're late and miserable."
Xander closed his eyes and felt the drowsiness catch up to him. Waves of exhaustion crashed over him. Home had that effect on people..
"I got lunch, still warm. Sweet. Eat up."
River glanced at him worryingly and turned toward the basket on the table. She was still a sweet girl at the end of the day. The thought made him happy.
River fixed her glasses and opened up the basket where the two crepes and a pair of scones were. The tantalizing scent wafted over through the apartment. He could've sworn he saw River smile and blush lightly.
"Someone's happy."
"I don't want to hear it from you. Eat up."
River got two plates ready and set them out on the table where she began to eat her lunch greedily. She must've neglected to eat again. In front of him was the same meal. A cinnamon crepe with a crimson scone. He didn't realize was hungry earlier, so he ate.
Before Xander knew it, she already finished her meal. She always had a sweet tooth. He smiled as he felt his eyelids start to fall.
"Inside of my pocket is the money. I'm going to take a nap on the bed."
"If you want to talk when we wake up... then tell me. All right?"
He didn't say anything. Xander ambled over to the door and fell on the bed. It never felt so comfortable before.
God, it was only five thirty.
Xander rolled over and stared at the dimming of the lights outside, welcoming the artificial night.
Too much happened today. He just wanted to rest after everything.
At least he made River smile today.
All he had wanted to do was live a relaxing life and be happy. That was enough for him.
It really was a selfish way of living, but that didn't matter. It isn't sinful to be selfish.
Everyone's life is about making decisions that they feel is best. And they do that by basing value on their own feelings, not anyone else's.
Being just or evil, people follow their hearts because they made a judgement call.
When people do good things, sacrificing themselves for a greater cause, their justification is that good is something to strive for.
When people do evil acts, atrocities, they felt that it was needed for them to be safe and secure. They reasoned that their own lives mattered more than anyone else.
That justification people made to determine what they should do is not objective. It's not self-evident. Otherwise, everyone would choose to do the same thing.
The thing that decides the value is the environment people were raised in. It's why two people wanting to be good can come to two different conclusions.
Selfishness is what moves people to act, thus it could be called self-determination.
That's what made people human, their self-determination.
His conclusion led him to focus on his world more than anyone else's.
All that he would protect, all that he would cherish, would be what made the world worthwhile.
He simply made the call that not a lot matters outside of his own feelings.
There wasn't anything wrong with that.
Even if he had to steal to get what he needed, it wasn't anything to feel bad about.
Even if he fell asleep right now, it wouldn't be wrong for him to rest.
If he closed his eyes, no one could stop him.
This was the freedom he fought for.
So, no one should feel sorry for him.
Because now, he could at least fall asleep peacefully.
***
"I swear..."
River finished what Xander had left over before he went to sleep. It had a sweet taste, one that she really liked. Since it was contained in the basket, not a lot became disturbed, so the presentation was pretty good.
But still, all she had asked him was for some lunch, not some extravagant meal. She would've been fine if he had brought back a normal sandwich, or some soft bread from the surface level.
Furrowing her brows, she took Xander's now empty plate and started washing it while looking at the bedroom door.
What happened to him today? A part of his cloak was covered in mud. He seemed truly exhausted. The way he stumbled through the door... it was even worse than yesterday, where his head seemed battered.
He just had to make her feel bad by hitting him on the head later after she checked up on him. Not like that was new. She was sick of watching him come through the door near midnight. She would rather read a page of a book.
The cool water around her hands felt nice, and she watched how it flowed from her knuckles down to her wrist, where it would fall down and enter the sink, where it would swirl around until it reached the drain.
She turned off the faucet and marched over to the coatrack and fished through his pockets before finding a small bag. It was in Florian's style of bag, with the top wrapped by a plant stem. It was a way for him to share his eccentric tastes.
Shaking the bag, she heard the rattle of a nice amount of coins. She smiled because it sounded like new books and clothes for her, but that would have to wait until next week to go out in the morning.
Opening up the bag, she looked at the sight of gold and silver. There were a lot more than she was expecting. Just how valuable were Jades anyway? Xander never told her that specifically, just said that they would earn a lot of money.
He didn't tell her about a lot of things, and that made her annoyed. She was already fifteen, just a few years younger than him. But he still kept a lot of things hidden from her.
She placed the coins down on the board and sorted them out. Six gold and 50 silver. Converting that to common currency, that was about 650 silver without any fluctuations.
That was incredible for a single day's work. Usually, he came back from Florian's with a bad cough, tears, and about five silver while complaining to her about the mess he got into.
Sometimes he ran into guards, or the there weren't enough marks for him to get a target, or he got distracted. He had become an expert in saving money because of this lifestyle. River would've helped, but he insisted on shopping and managing all the money.
What did he think she was going to do? Seriously, she knows how to manage money. The same goes for her friends as well at school. Whenever they went out, she was always watched over.
Just as she was about to put away the coins, she saw a bright shine coming from Xander's breast pocket.
Walking over with unamused eyes, she reached into the pocket and pulled out the ring. It looked like it was made of gold, or at least the base of it was. The gems on the top of the ring were a sapphire, a ruby, and an emerald.
Where did he even get this ring, and why didn't he sell it in the first place? Xander had no problems with doing that, so it made it all the more confusing.
She thought of waking up Xander to have him explain what this ring was, but he really looked like he really needed sleep.
He really knew how to worry her.
She put away the money and the ring where they usually hid their cash and valuables. In the bookcase, there was an old dusty textbook lent out to all families. They had made an opening in it when they were little and placed it on the same row as all the bookcases. No one would steal something government-lended.
Yeah, she was always a genius.
It was around six, and she had nothing better to do. Looking at the finished textbook, she made up her mind to go around the Layers and find the guard who lended her the book. She had no use for it now, and selling it would've left a bad taste in her mouth.
Opening the door, she felt the ominous feeling of being watched, but she brushed it off as being paranoid. The feeling soon left her after she left the building, so it was probably her imagination.