Not My Life

"You're so much better than this." I wait, knowing full well she knows she wouldn't get a response out of me. And as I expect, she sighs. 

"You're smart Ryan. No actually, you're a genius. Why are you so stubborn?" Then she gives me a smile. She gives me that smile. The smile where her pure loving heart is on full display, and she looks at me with love and sympathy. The smile that makes me feels cozy and makes me see her as a mother. But maybe only I see her that way because I have no mother to call my own. 

"One day you will do great things," she says with such belief. 

"No matter what you think of yourself, no matter how long you insist on being this person, no matter how long it takes you to reach yourself... you will always be a great person and have a great destiny." She smiles gently and I'm suddenly interested in the chard paint on the walls or the cracked pictures on her desk and not how much warmth her smile holds.

"Go back to your class Ryan. I'll see you later." 

And with that the torture ends and I walk out the office door ignoring Ms. Lee who purposely tries to block my path. Notice she's a Ms. not a Mrs. because absolutely no one wants to marry her. She's 28 and still acts both like a child and a cranky grandmother. I carefully navigate the main office where all the rooms are exact replicas of each other and you are sure to get lost and end up at the opposite side of the small school, then go out to the main hallway. I was just starting to think about all the fun things I can do next week instead of school when I spot David. 

"You got in trouble?! Again?! Are you kidding?!" And he proceeds to howl out a laugh so loud it echoes across the hall then finally turns back to me. 

"I thought your dad said if you get sent to Mrs. Casin's office again he'd tear your limbs off and make you sew them back together." The laugh stays in his voice, but I smile. My dad has always been creative with his threats. 

"How would he know""

"But you got suspended for a week-"

"How would he ever find out?" We both smile

"Oh ok. I get you. So what are you doing with your mini vacation?"

"I was just thinking about it. My father will think I'm at school so I can practically do anything. Hopefully Ms. Lee doesn't pry again and tell my father."

"I know right" David replies angrily. "If a father doesn't care about his son's behavior why try and make him. She always sends him fifty emails and calls him forty times and all he does is pretend to care, maybe scream at you a little, but mostly he just forgets. It's so annoying. Can't Ms. Lee just let it go? Besides why would you work in a middle school if you're going to pick a fight with a twelve-year-old." I start to laugh when I hear a teacher coming down the hall and both of us sneak into the nearest bathroom.

"Does your suspension start from today?"

"First of all, I need to teach you how to whisper. Second of all, nah. Ms. Lee said I need to learn that suspension is a punishment not a reward, so I need to attend school today."

"Ha. Cool. See you in science." David leaves and after two minutes I go right after. I'm not in the same class as him but the teachers are still well trained to notice when my friends and I are conveniently absent at the same time. I walk back to class and as soon as I step into the room every kid's head turns my way. Everyone must've heard about what I did by now. However, the teacher, who has her back to us and is still teaching, doesn't notice anything. They never do, which makes it a great common weakness in all teachers. I sit in at my desk, so isolated and hidden in a corner that once, the principal came to get me from class and couldn't find me for forty minutes. Everyone went into a frenzy thinking I was missing. I thought it was funny and I still love my corner. I decide to put my head down and cover my ears because I really don't care what the teacher has to say about similes or metaphors. School is hell and you choose how you want to burn in it. As I dose off, I wonder how and why a teacher would talk to a 3rd grader about his destiny or being a good person. I'm too young and I really don't care so why mention it. Some people really don't make any sense but that's ok because neither do I. And I have no interest in maturing or changing anything about the way I act. This is me. And if Mrs. Casin can't accept that, she's going to be greatly disappointed in the future. She is about the only person I would actually care if they're disappointed in me, but she doesn't need to know that. Besides, she's way to nice to ever hurt me, so I'm good. 

 -----------------------------------

My eyes blur and my back aches as I slowly start to move my muscles. I try to get up only to find myself in an uncomfortable chair, still in school, with the lights completely off, and not a sound within a ten-mile radius of the building. I start to panic. How could the teacher forget me here? Better yet, how did I sleep through the entire day? Sure, my desk is hidden but this has never happened before. Honestly though, it's starting to matter less and less as I feel the darkness closing in on me. I have to remind myself to breath. The brain shuts down without oxygen you know. My heart continues to race, and I huddle up in a ball with my head between my legs for several minutes until I finally convince myself that I'm not stuck in a dark building and that killer can't possibly jump out at me. Before I open my eyes again, I formulate a plan. I don't have a phone or anything like that, so I'll have to work without one. I decide my next moves. 

1) Check the time

2) Do not panic 

3) Eat snacks in bag

4) Remember to breath

5) Turn on the lights 

6) I'm going to die. (No)

6) Accept my fate (Ignore that)

6) Cry (Absolutely not)

6) Sit in this ball and wait until sleep rather than the grim reaper takes me (the only good option)

Check. And before I can rethink this plan, I raise my head to the clock.... wait. It's too dark. I can't see it... Ok, let's just scratch out step number one. Number two is impossible. Number three is finally something I can do. You never think you'd be in a situation where you're locked and forgotten in school, having a panic attack, and eating a bag of three mini cookies in 23 minutes and 37 seconds until it actually happens. So here I am.... With my amazing destiny. Next is step number four but I don't feel the need to breath or live anymore. Let's see number five. Turn on the lig- nope. Way too scary. The light switch is across the entire classroom which may as well be 27 lightyears away. Except without the "light" part. Number six however sounds like real torture. But I love hell and so for the next 10 hours I have the worst sleep I've ever had in my life, hiding in a corner where even the devel won't find me.