"I swear that cat is plotting to kill me..."
Said Florante while staring at Mr. William Shakespaw hissing at him from the opposite side of the table.
"Don't be ridiculous he's adorable...he's just not used to strangers," I replied.
Dad patted Mr. William Shakespaw's head gently and he purred in return.
"Do you smoke Florante?" Dad asked puffing his cigarette.
"Occasionally, sir..." He answered.
Dad handed him the box of Marlboro lights which he eagerly received. Mom picked out her own brand of cigarette from her pocket. Afterward, the air smelled like cigarette and mint.
"Am I the only one here who got the cancer memo?"
"You should risk a little to live a little Larry..." Florante winked at me exhaling white fumes into the air.
He looks so freakin' hot and manly that I want to jump at him, hang my arms around his neck and kiss him for all the world to see.
Mom went back to the table from the kitchen. She's with Dolores, our family maid. After the clattering of spoons, forks, and plates, the table is filled with various seafood dishes.
There's a Seaweed Salad with Fresh Caviar Eggs, Smoked Salmon, Grilled Tuna, Sweet and Sour Grouper, Fresh Oyster in Mignonette sauce and my favorite-Baked Lobster Tails in Garlic, Honey and Butter.
Mom uttered a short prayer and then we started eating.
Dad and Florante bonded naturally like father and son. They have the same dark-brown complexion, jet-black hair and captivating brown eyes which are typical Filipino features.
I, on the other hand, look very caucasian and if mom wouldn't have sat beside me, nobody would have expected that I am my father's son.
They're both into books as well and are discussing Harper Lee's 'To Kill a Mockingbird'
"Looks like your dad has found a new son..." Mom whispered.
"I'm starting to fear he'd replace me without a moment's notice..." I whispered back.
"So what do you do after High School, son?" Dad asked Florante as he flipped his newspaper.
"I have no plans for the future sir so the future would not find a way to ruin it"
"Larry where'd you get this guy from? He sure has a personality..." Complimented dad.
"I dunno dad...one day he just popped up on the road on my way to school asking for a hitch..." Which of course is not true.
"Glad you've moved back here Sir, I heard a lot of awful stories of racism in America."
"Heard it right, there's just about a helluva lot of A-holes there who think they're more American than the rest because they're not Asians or Africans or Arabs. But there are more who are compassionate and understanding."
"If my history books serve me right I believe there's no such thing as pure-blooded Americans except for the Indian-Americans who inhabited the land even before Columbus came."
"You do know a thing about American History...you could teach my son a lesson or two or make it three cos he's dumb in other fields outside Science and Photography."
"Sure, maybe when he's not so busy smiling at everyone at school. Which on that matter is a very Filipino quality." He puts his hand on my lap and squeezed it. My stomach lurched.
"True enough, I certainly do hope he can learn something about his Filipino roots before we move back to the States when he graduates from High School after the summer."
Florante is stunned from where he is seated.
He looked at me and I know what that look means. He didn't say a word because he's Florante who's good at not saying anything but bad at hiding what he feels.
I'm quite surprised as he is and did not entirely expect that this small talk would turn into a total fiasco at the breakfast table.
"Didn't Larry tell you we're leaving in six months?" Dad asked innocently.
No answer.
His face is disheveled as he retrieved his hand from my lap.
"Excuse me..." He stood up without waiting for my parents' response and head back to the room.
"Florante wait..."
Mom and dad both looked equally mystified.
"What happened to him?" Mom asked worriedly. Tears are slowly forming in the corners of my eyes.
I followed Florante in the room feeling mom and dad's stare boreholes at my back. My mind went totally blank as I traced Florante's steps. My tears have finally made its way down my cheeks and I wiped them incredulously.
I did not expect things to happen this way. I planned on telling him for sure but I just can't find the right timing. It's like the cacophony of my derailed plans have made its way to my head and everything is spiraling down to destruction one after another.
Florante is crying silently when I entered the room and to know that I have caused it makes things even worse. He looked at me painfully and it feels like my heart is being pulled out from my chest by an invisible force to see the tears in his eyes.
"You knew it all along but you chose not to tell me?" His voice is sharp and it pierced through the four corners of the room.
"Babe I can explain..."
"Don't you fuckin' call me that!"
"How could you look into my eyes and talk about forever like you meant it when you knew it's not true. When you knew you're leaving. You liar!"
"Please listen to me! I did not mean any of this to happen...and everything that I told you is true..." I kneeled in front of him as he sat on the bed, trying to make him look at me in the eyes because I know he would see right through me like the night I confessed my feelings for him.
But he would not.
I'm not just about to give up so I cupped my hands on his face feeling his warm tears.
Looking at Florante this way is too much of what I can handle. I just want him to call me 'shithead' again or run his fingers through my hair and tell me that everything will be alright between us.
But I can't find him.
He's physically present but I can feel it in my bones that he is drifting further and further away.
He yanked my hands forcefully and it sent me lying flat on my back on the floor. He looked at me momentarily and for that instance, I know he still cares but his anguish is irrevocable.
There was sobbing. Sniffing. And then everything went silent. And I never expected how silence can be so harrowing.
"We're done, Larry..."
"No...No! You can't say that please take it back!" I whimpered. I tried to stand up but my legs betrayed me.
"No please...give me a chance to fix this...I can talk to mom and dad so..."
"Shut up!" He hollered and it sends chills down my spine.
"I should have known that this would happen. I should have known that you'll just leave me like--"
He's struggling to string the words together but deep inside I know what he wanted to say.
Mother...
I know that was the word he can't seem to utter because his mother left him as a kid without saying goodbye. And the way he talks about her, I know that he's still in pain and I just multiplied it a hundred times over.
Florante walked out of the room and out of my life. And it's all my fault. It's all my fault and not even an ocean of tears could ever change that.