The only thing that kept Xavier calm and in control was seeing Leila wrapped in his jacket. He did not know what she was thinking, but his primitive brain told him that she was surrounded by the scent and that meant that she was his.
It gave him a twisted sense of satisfaction.
He watched her as she ordered a car on her phone and drove away. His mind knew that she was safe, but everything within him screamed for him to follow her and make sure that nothing happened to her.
It was like he could not settle his protective and possessive instincts when she was out of his sight. It felt like something was digging into his mind, heart and soul, telling him that he had to be near her.
"Xavier! Xavier!" Someone called to him, but the name sounded far away as if everything around him was white noise.
Someone touched his shoulder lightly, and the world which had faded away from him came back into view. His mind was still a little foggy, but he composed himself quickly and turned to look at Callum.
Callum's face was coloured with worry and concern like he was afraid that Xavier would snap at any second.
"You need to take a suppressant before you do something stupid," Callum said, not unkindly but with persuasiveness.
Xavier's jaw clenched. Callum did not need to expound on what he meant. They both knew that Leila was his flame. He had not been sure at first, but the reality sunk in quite fast when he noticed his abnormal behaviour.
He had always been in control since he was taught the consequences of reacting emotionally. The lesson lasted three years and what remained was an efficient machine that made rational decisions.
As for why Callum knew about it…
"No, I won't take suppressants." Xavier refused without giving the idea a thought.
"What you are feeling now, it will only get worse. Do not wait until it is too late, and you do something that you will regret." Callum said with the wisdom of someone who knew more than he could say.
"I never regret anything," He replied before looking at Callum with his still slightly glowing red eyes. "You and I are different. You have chosen to numb yourself with suppressants and avoid the problem. I have been numb all my life, and this is the first time I have felt alive. I will not give it up."
He did not share the real reason. He felt like taking suppressants would be like erasing some part of Leila. However dark and twisted his obsessive emotions for her were, they were part of him and Leila.
He was not willing to give up the almost painful fire in his blood, even if it meant he would be back to being his efficient and calculating self. He wanted the immense feelings to cling to him like a second skin.
He knew he could still pursue Leila even with the drugs. Most vampires took suppressants before pursuing a flame, but he did not like the idea of lessening the intensity of the feelings. He wanted to remember everything.
And he had seen firsthand what suppressants did to Callum. He slowly lost his light and became a different person. After seeing the light through Leila, Xavier was not willing to go back to being numb, lost in cold and darkness.
Callum wanted to continue convincing Xavier to take the suppressant, but he could see the stubbornness in the dangerous eyes. This man was not going to accept that the best solution was to treat the madness.
But he knew Xavier was not someone who would change his mind.
After a moment, he sighed.
"I have heard of another solution to quell the madness of the flame, but it is very risky. It will not numb out the feelings; it will just keep you in balance." Callum almost regretted saying the words.
Xavier, who had calmed down a little, looked expectantly at him, waiting for an answer.
Callum sighed again. "If you drink from your bloodflame, the madness will be temporarily quelled. But the risk of draining them is very high. It is said that blood from a flame is like experiencing heaven. Most vampires are unable to part from it once they taste it."
Xavier's eyes hardened. "So, the risk would not be mine to bear but hers."
"Yes. But once a vampire drains or kills their flame, they experience unknown emptiness and unimaginable pain." Callum looked lost in his thoughts. "I knew someone who just killed herself by impaling herself with a stake after doing so."
Xavier looked away. "I will never do anything that puts her in danger."
"Then, please consider taking the suppressants. We did not have the option in those days, but you do not have to take any risks." Callum almost pleaded.
"Is it worth it?" Xavier asked.
Callum understood what he was asking. "I do not know if it is. I promised myself a long time ago that I would not fall prey to the psychosis of the flame. I never wanted one, so the choice was easy to make when it came to it."
Xavier could not imagine choosing to give up on Leila without a fight. Even before he understood she was his flame, he was fascinated by her. And the more he learned about her, the more he wanted her.
But he did not begrudge Callum his choice. He was much older than Xavier and had seen a lot of horrors like his friend staking herself. Perhaps, he should take the advice of a more experienced person.
But he could not. Even the thought of the possibility was repelled by his psyche.
"What if you change your mind one day?" Xavier asked.
Callum's lips stiffened. "There will be no such day. Being numb is better than feeling out of control and out of my mind. I want to always have my mind."
'The numbness is another form of being out of your mind. If the mind was under the control of drugs, you cannot claim to be free.' Xavier thought this, but he did not say anything.
Soft steps sounded behind them, and Sterling came to join them. He sensed the tension, and his brows furrowed in concern. That was Sterling. He always worries for others and never thinks about himself.
"Is everything alright?"
Callum nodded while Xavier said he was leaving before walking away.
"He is being more of a d!ck than usual," Sterling commented.
Callum laughed lightly at the proper Sterling repeating his earlier crude words, but he was worried. This was probably just the beginning of Xavier's madness. He hoped no one would suffer from it because a powerful vampire like Xavier could do a lot of damage.