Now that Buttcocks have thrown me into the middle of nowhere and given me a 12 inch dick, that shithead is so goddamn annoying, what can I do with this dick?
The wind blowing, the light covered in leaves, the faint sound of birds, it made me calm, but what the hell, I've been walking for half an hour, it's all forest yeah because I was in forest but where's the end? At least give me an NPC to guide me like in the game.
"Stop! Put down your blade and tell me what business you have here!"
She aims an arrow at my head, as if I was carrying a weapon of destruction, but this is must be them. White hair, long ears, beautiful face, clear skin, even fools know this is an elf, they are very beautiful when seen directly, but a sword? What is this girl talking about? My clothes are in such tatters how can I keep a sword.
"I look like this, how can I have a blade, please calm down."
"Do I look stupid to you? Between your legs."
Ah yes, a sword, 'it' can indeed be called a blade or sword, I don't know whether to be happy or afraid, my penis is so long that it can be called a sword, it's an honor for me. But I have to explain to her that I came with peaceful intentions, or else arrows will be shot at me.
"Relax, it's a sword but it's not dangerous."
"A sword is a sword, die or get out of here."
Did I speak wrongly? It will take a long time if I continue this nonsense, I have to show I am not dangerous at all, I thought of two ways, surrender myself or strip myself, well obviously I will choose the first way, if I do the second way I could lose mine.
"Hey, I surrender, let's do this in peaceful way, we cool right?"
"What is your purpose here?" staring at me intently while aiming her arrow at me.
"I'm lost, I really want to get out of this forest but don't know how, maybe you can help?"
"You really think I'm stupid, don't you? All humans know that stepping foot into the Elarianth Forest will be shot, it's been several years since humans came to this forest, you must be a royal delivery or you really want to do something here."
This is really stupid. I was thrown into this world by an existence named Buttcocks. I don't know anything about this world. What do you expect? What's more annoying is that damn Buttcocks, did he deliberately throw me here? More importantly, this situation is getting worse. What other excuse should I use? Or should I run away? That's impossible with a body that last exercised seven years ago. My back will surely be pierced by many arrows. Seriously, just got here and already dead again. How can I face that damn Buttcocks? He will definitely laugh at me and then send me to hell. Damn it.
Suddenly, a male elf tapped the shoulder of the female elf who was 'talking' to me. His face was calm and cheerful, maybe he could help me get out of this situation.
"Elena, calm yourself. The elder has already said not to attack humans who come here. Let's ask him more clearly about his intentions, and then we can decide whether we need to shoot or not."
Damn it, so in the end, shooting me is the solution to this problem.
"He's right. Let's calm ourselves. From the beginning, I didn't mean any harm. Before anything else, let me introduce myself. My name is Josh. Just consider me a lost wanderer. I didn't mean to come here, it was an accident. Maybe you could help me."
"It's very strange. How did you get lost in this forest? Before entering this forest, there are many warnings. Didn't you pass through a human village before coming here? They should care about each other and warn you, right? It's not possible for you to suddenly appear in the forest without a reason."
In fact, I did suddenly appear here because of something, but how can I say that to them? Damn it, that's why you shouldn't name yourself Buttcocks.
"However, it seems like you're hiding something. Your ragged clothes, your battered face, and your poor physique, I don't know how you survived the bears here. So, I'll give you two options, I'll either escort you out of this forest, or you can follow me to the village. It seems like you don't even have any money."
Was my face really that bad to be called battered? I'm annoyed, but it's a good offer. If I leave the forest right away, the chances of surviving or finding a job are very slim. Even though I'll be looked down upon among the elves, I have to survive.
"I'll go with you."
Elena, the female elf said, "Arion! He's a human! How can we let him into the village? Think carefully!"
Wow, such a cliché story, isn't it? Elves and humans being enemies. Let me guess, both sides must have fought for some reason in the past that made them enemies. Thanks to the comics that accompany me on my way home from work.
They put some distance between us and started talking privately. I could faintly hear, "We need him to help with the recent issues." Will I be exploited to solve their problems when I get there? Things to remember is Survival comes first. So if their problem involves fighting a dragon or a demon king, I'll run, do you expect me to defeat the dragon with my penis?
__ _
We arrived at the village of Elvenmere. I already suspected that I would be met with cold looks when I arrived, but I felt annoyed even though I anticipated it. I have to be patient and follow this elf named Arion. I don't know where he will take me, but this village is quite beautiful, despite the elves' stares. It's a nice village, I'd stay here if I could. The village surrounds a unique tree, a tree with glowing red fruits and golden leaves. Is this a Christmas tree? I want to eat the fruit, but what if eating it sends me to Earth? Anyway, we arrived at a wooden house after walking for more than 10 minutes. I didn't count, do you think I count every second on the way to this house? I estimated, though not accurately.
"You wait here. I need to speak to the elders first. Don't go anywhere. You know what happens if you cause trouble." He entered the house, and I could faintly hear the voice of an old man speaking inside.
Damn, told to wait again. When Arion was talking to the elf woman Elena, it took more than 5 minutes, you know. I didn't count, though.
__ _
Arion came out of the house and patted me on the shoulder while I was busy looking at the elf women who were talking in the distance
"Hey, come in. The elder wants to meet you. Speak politely and show him respect, understood?"
Yeah, of course, manners come first, right? But I only respect money. I stepped into the wooden house. There were many items that looked like wooden figurines on the shelves and cabinets. Is there anime in this world? The elder looked me up and down from head to toe. The elder wore dark green robes, with a reverse bowl cut hairstyle and a long beard, a strange combination, but I felt he was the wisest individual here, of course, the title of elder was meant to be.
"So humans appear for no reason in the middle of the forest, huh? Strange." While he plays with his beard
Huh? How did he know? I told Arion I was lost, there were a lot of oddities in my story but he quickly concluded my story.
"You seem to have misunderstood, how can people suddenly appear in the middle of nowhere, right, haha."
"Just from your physical form it's strange, there's no way you could suddenly enter this forest, before entering the forest there were lots of warnings, do humans really not care about beggar even they don't tell you that you're heading towards this forest? From your face It's like you were attacked by a bear and survived, Is it thanks to the blade between your legs, even though it's a little short, maybe a short blade?"
There were so many attacks from that damn old man's words. My face is average, you know! Although I did get excited when he mentioned 'blade.' But should I admit that I suddenly appeared from the sky without any reason? They might think I'm a god.
"It's kinda like that, I can't tell more."
"To say that you're a bad person is unlikely. I believe more that you're a desperate beggar who wandered into this forest and picked fruits from the forest's edge," the old elf man said, rubbing his chin.
This old elf doesn't stop insulting my appearance, seeing his reverse bowl cut hairstyle I want to insult him, but if I do that I could die here.
The elder sighed and sat on the chair in the room, looking back at me while adjusting his hand position.
"First of all, I will introduce myself, my name is Eldarinor, an elder from Elvenmere Village, I need your help regarding a problem that befell this village."
I could see the Elderinor's hands shaking and uneasy.
"Why are you asking me for help? I'm sure you know clearly, can someone like me help you?"
"I'm asking you not because of your great abilities, but your status as a human. Recently there have been several humans who have entered this forest, of course they didn't suddenly appear for no reason, they came on purpose and hunted our golden bears, they are very important for this forest, their furs can be used as fertilizer for forest fertility, you could say walking fertilizer."
"Okay, so in conclusion you want me to do what?"
"Have a conversation with them, if we do it ourselves they won't hear us, they might even attack us and if we attack them back, the bond between humans and elves will worsen."
Damn, if I'm honest I'm lazy, and if I think about it if I go to them and tell them to stop they'll think I'm on the elves' side and attack me, but if I refuse I'll get kicked out of here. Shit I'll just do it, I'll risk it all, if I can't just run away right? Or beg for mercy?
"Okay- I will.. I will do it."
"Glad to hear that kind human."
Kind huh? I will 90% die when I meet them, I wish I have skill that will help me when the situation get worse.
|[ Buttcocks :I thought you'd be like this, but it's surprising you didn't die by the time you got to this forest, congratulations!" ]|
A holographic screen like in comics and games appears in front of my eyes, looking at the reaction of the elves, they definitely can't see this, which makes me upset what this 'god' means, if you want to help, just send a great skill, I want to say that, but if I talk to myself, I will be mistaken for a madman.
|[ An inexplicable presence gives you Penis Blade ]|
|[ Penis Blade ]|
Just shout in your heart Penis Blade, at that moment your penis will move into your hand in the form of a 12 inch short blade, don't worry, this blade is strong and can be used to cut and stab, when your desire to fight is gone, the blade returns to its original place, the crotch. This skill can be called anytime and anywhere, the more often the sword is swung, the stronger this blade becomes
The blade can be channeled with mana.