This morning Dennis visited my painting room. I thanked God that I had hidden the picture before he came in.
I couldn't keep doing this. I would destroy the painting once he leaves. It would be jarring if anyone saw it. What would I say? Keeping a painting of her? That would be horrification in the highest order.
"This would turn out pretty good if it's what I'm thinking" He commented as he stood watching the new sketch I had made on the canvas. A new painting I was starting.
"How do you know it's what you're thinking?" I asked as I arranged some piles of books on my table. I would need them to keep me company because so far I would keep adding materials to make the room more homely for me as my 'private' space.
"Because…. No matter what you have a deep connection with this house and parish. They never leave you. Even with your other paintings I've sold there was always a symbol of something relating to home. Your soul resides here if I must say."
I chuckled."My soul resides here? What kind of address is that?"
"I'm serious"
"Well, if it was I wouldn't be planning to leave with you the next week."
"You're still leaving?"
My brows arched to him. "Of course."
"Fine" he nodded.
"I am going with you back to Cerneth. The City of Civilization. There would be better opportunities there instead of this secluded little town."
"True."
"Well well well," he said coming closer to the opened windows.
"What is it?" I asked.
"Isn't she a delight?"
"Everything is always a delight to….." The words caught in my throat when I looked up from the book to the window.
There she was(Mrs Williams) with children, like twenty or so coming through the park.
I cleared my throat and turned back to the book when I found him looking at me.
"Isn't that children from the convent?" I inquired.
"They are."
Their dark grey pinafore and bonnet confirmed it. These were orphaned children in the town. The church took care of them as they stayed with the nuns and sisters in the convent.
"I didn't know she visited them,"
"And how would you know that?" he asked as if whatever I said made no sense. "It's not like you're close or something,"
"I know. It is just talk."
"Mm."
I went to the table nearer to the window at the end of the room. It gave a view of the garden and there she was with children carrying vases of flowers. They were planting new ones. She stood directing them kindly on what to do and they were happily doing it and nodding to her every instruction. I could have sworn I saw a smile on her face. As they got to work they began to sing some hymns and their voice echoed through the backyard.
I couldn't hear it all as I was far off and enclosed by the window, but I was sure her voice was lovely.
"What are you doing?"
I turned away from the window and dropped the books.
He gave a Titter. "You do have a unique way of setting things." He commented looking at the way I divided the books in different tables. Which logically was not necessary. I only did it to get a view of her and the children on that side.
I clapped my hands together. "What can I say, I am unique, after all."
He chuckled at my antics.
"So…..what are you planning?"
He asked as I took a seat.
"Planning? About?"
"Lily."
Not again. My hands dropped the painting brush. "I have nothing with Lily, what do you people want from me?"
"To Marry her of course! I mean not now, but at least in the future"
"Over my dead body."
"You can't say that" His brows furrowed.
"Yes I can and it would never happen."
"Oh, it has already, Mother loves her, and she hasn't stopped visiting her either."
"Where was she when the whole house was crumbling and Mother suffering from cold? She had been at the parish, no? It was only after she heard the house had improved did she started visiting. She would never have if it was still in that condition. I know Lily, excuse her traveling affairs, she avoided her deliberately."
"You blame another?"
"And what about you?"
He laughed to nod with a raise of his hand. "We are all to be blamed don't attack me."
I picked up the brush.
"But you know Lily has always been the lady for you, for our family." He added at the end.
"I do not care about family ties" I threw the brush. "And I would never give a second thought to it. You people do not see it do you?"
"This has always been father's wish, to tie the family with Whites, we are a long time acquaintances"
"And so?"
He sighed and tapped my shoulders. "You will give thoughts to it sooner or later. I'm off." He said and left.
I wanted to kick, punch, and throw things but I couldn't. There was nothing here I could spoil.
God! How frustrating it was!
I left the painting and went to the window. I opened it to let air in.
My thoughts soon diversified when I sighted them in the garden going about their planting with happiness. They were chatting and laughing.
Her sweet laughter echoed in the air. Who knew she was capable of laughing? With the children, she was just…..free. Being herself.
If only she would be this way all through.
No, what exactly am I thinking? Who cared if she was cold all through?
I took another peek at them but when the conversation I had earlier replayed In my head. The anger came surging in.
The only solution would be to leave.
I would leave. And if in Cerneth, Dennis proves to be a disturbance, I might as well find another town to escape to.
"You have this deep connection to the house and parish."
His words resounded in my ears as I looked to the horizon.
I shook it off. "There is no connection, I am leaving."