[Author's Note: This is written like a log/diary.]
Day 1:
9:00 AM – I always thought dying would be a little more… peaceful. You know, light at the end of the tunnel, angelic choirs, the whole shebang. Instead, I get an unexpected rendezvous with Mr. Toaster and Mrs. Microwave, and BAM! Here I am, waking up in what can only be described as the love child of a medieval dungeon and a modern art exhibit. Chains, torches, and something that looks suspiciously like a motivational poster for evil overlords. "Conquer Today!" it says. Right.
9:15 AM – Took me a solid five minutes to realize I wasn't in Kansas anymore. The whole "scaly, red claws" thing was my first clue. Not to mention the echoing voice in my head that said, "Welcome, Vortax the Devourer." That's me now, apparently. Vortax. I sound like a brand of vacuum cleaner.
10:00 AM – First order of business: figure out what the heck is going on. Second order of business: avoid getting killed by a hero wielding a sword the size of a small car. Easy, right?
Interlude – Game Design Notes:
Objective: Final boss must embody ultimate evil. Massive power, terrifying appearance, and a penchant for monologues. Heroes must be challenged to their limits.
10:30 AM – Tried to leave the castle. Turns out, it's not that simple. The drawbridge is controlled by some sort of ancient magic, and the only person who knows how to operate it is Grog. Grog is my head minion. Grog has the IQ of a soggy biscuit.
11:00 AM – Sat Grog down for a little chat. Here's a snippet:
Me: "Grog, buddy, how do we get the drawbridge down?" Grog: "Boss says stay put. Grog stay put. Drawbridge stay up." Me: "Great. But hypothetically, if one wanted to lower the drawbridge…" Grog: "Boss say stay put. Grog stay put. Drawbridge stay up."
And so on.
12:00 PM – Managed to convince Grog to take a lunch break. Spoiler: Minions have the culinary skills of a blindfolded cat. I've never been more grateful for my human taste buds being replaced by… whatever these are.
Interlude – Player's POV:
Player: [Swings sword at Vortax] Vortax: [Dodges awkwardly] Player: "What the... Is the boss glitching? Why isn't he attacking?"
2:00 PM – Ventured into the nearby village in my not-so-subtle guise of a 12-foot demon overlord. The reactions were… mixed. Mostly screaming. Tried to introduce myself, but apparently, "Hi, I'm trying to be good now!" doesn't go over well when delivered by a dude with glowing red eyes and fangs.
3:00 PM – Decided to help an old lady cross the street. Her reaction? A swift whack with her cane. "Back, vile creature!" she screamed. Note to self: work on people skills.
4:00 PM – Returned to the castle. Grog was waiting with a report on "Hero Activity". Apparently, there's a band of adventurers on their way to "vanquish the ultimate evil". That's me, in case you're wondering. My reformation tour is off to a stellar start.
Interlude – Hero's POV:
Hero 1: "We're almost at Vortax's lair. Remember, he's the most evil, vile creature ever."
Hero 2: "I heard he once devoured an entire village!"
Hero 3: "I heard he's allergic to kittens."
5:00 PM – Had a moment of self-reflection in front of the mirror. Who knew being a gigantic, scaly overlord came with such high-maintenance grooming? Note to game designers: fewer spikes next time, please.
6:00 PM – Dinner with the minions. If you've never had to eat something called "Grognog Stew," consider yourself lucky. I miss pizza.
8:00 PM – Day one is almost over. Still no closer to figuring out how to be good in a world designed for evil. But I did make a friend today. Her name is Agnes. She's 82, lives in the village, and bakes a mean apple pie. She also thinks I'm her grandson in a very convincing Halloween costume. Small victories.
11:00 PM – Tucked in for the night, wondering what fresh hell tomorrow will bring. One thing's for sure: I'm not in Kansas anymore. But hey, at least I'm not bored.
End of Day 1
Diary Commentary – Vortax (formerly known as Max):
Who knew reincarnation would be this complicated? One minute you're microwaving leftover pizza, the next you're a legendary evil boss in a video game. All I wanted was to chill and maybe save the world as a player, not as a character! But if anyone can figure out how to turn a bloodthirsty overlord into a hero, it's me. Or I'll die trying. Again.