"I'll be fiiiiine," he said, already beginning to pull food out of the fridge and freezer.
"Ooh!" he suddenly said, looking down at a frozen bag of chicken pieces. "This'll do. I hope you like chicken!"
"Errr... yes?"
That armful of fridge and freezer ingredients went on the bench. Then he moved over to the pantry. "Now, spices," he muttered.
Hermione left him to it and went to check that the aurors were set.
However, she had to return to the kitchen only a moment or so later when she heard Harry's raised voice and what she thought was a small child's.
When she got there it was to see Dobby standing in the middle of the kitchen floor with a frown on his face, his arms crossed and tapping one bare foot on the floor. He was staring at Harry who was just as fiercely staring back.
Harry was also clearly stating to the elf that he was cooking dinner that night and Dobby could like it or lump it.
"Ooohhh-kay," she said. "What's going on?"
Before Harry had a chance to answer her, Dobby cut in first. "Master Harry Potter, Sir, be cooking! Cooking be house elf's job. Master Harry Potter, Sir, not be letting Dobby do his job! Master Harry Potter, Sir, be too wonderful a master to be doing menial house elf work!"
Holding a plastic bowl in one hand and a plastic net bag of what looked like onions in the other, Harry was gesturing with both. "Calling what I do by the plain term of 'cooking' is like calling Picasso a painter, or Michaelangelo a stone carver. I chef!" he declared.
"Chef be just fancy word for cook," stated Dobby.
"The elf is actually arguing with his Master?" asked one of the aurors that had come up behind Hermione.
As Harry looked ready to retort in objection to Dobby's slur on his skills, Dobby turned to look at the auror and snippily said, "Master Harry Potter, Sir, be giving Dobby orders that order Dobby to tell Master Harry Potter, Sir, when Master Harry Potter, Sir, be being an idiot. Dobby only be carrying out Master Harry Potter, Sir's, order."
That was enough for the auror. He burst out laughing and retreated.
Hermione, trying to hide her own smile and failing, said, "Alright, you two." Turning to Harry she said, "Dobby is only doing what you ordered him to do. And Dobby clearly believes he's a better cook than you."
"Not a chaaance!" declared Harry.
Turning to Dobby she said, "And... Dobby. Harry thinks of cooking... cheffing... as something that he enjoys doing. And seems to believe he's a better cook than you."
Dobby just looked at her with an expression of sincere disbelief.
"Why don't the two of you work together and see if you can each teach something to the other?"
Harry was the first break. "Fiiiiine!" he grouched.
"Dobby can cook?" the elf asked.
"Dobby can help," Harry firmly returned.
"Then we have an agreement," declared Hermione. "Now, stop arguing and get on with it."
Without letting either have the chance to retort she spun on her heel and hurried out of the room.
As soon as she was out the door she ran down the stairs to the lower ground level, out the back door through the laundry, onto the outside patio and let loose with one of the most long and cleansing laughs she'd had in a long time.
It was only as she was managing to get control of herself again that she realised there was an auror standing outside with her. The auror was looking at her in amusement.
"Feel better?" the auror asked.
"Oh, yes," she blushed, wiping her eyes. "I know Harry seems to often lose arguments with his mail owl, Hedwig. But to see him lose an argument to a house elf is just hilarious." And broke into laughter again.
"I heard about the house elf, but losing an argument with a mail owl?" asked the auror. "How is that possible?"
"Oh, Hedwig will brook no nonsense from Harry," she giggled. "If he's so much as a single second late with treats or bacon when she believes she deserves it, she lets him have it. Mind you, I've been on the receiving end of that, too.
"I actually think Hedwig thinks Harry is her pet; not the other way around.
"However, the important thing I think I learned of all that is that Dobby truly is not Harry's... property. It's more of a friend and partner relationship, pretty much identical to the one he shares with Hedwig, than a master and slave relationship. I'm rather relieved to have discovered that."
_‗_
―==(oIo)==―
ˇ
When the Grangers arrived home they drove in almost together in both of their cars - matching BMWs. They used a remote to open the double garage door as they approached and pulled in alongside each other.
Hermione heard the sound of the electrical garage door mechanism and called out to the rest of the House, "Mum and Daddy are home!"
As they exited and locked their cars Monica, closest to the interconnected door from the garage to the entry Hall under the stairs, waited for her husband to join her. By habit, whenever they arrived together Wendell entered first.
"Princess!" he called. "We're―"
That was as far as he got before he realised someone had just poked something pointy into the side of his neck - and froze...