Chapter 48
Audrey Valentina Caine was born about seven months after I ran away from Ryker. I didn't even know I was pregnant, I didn't even suspect it. The day that I found out was the day that Christine found me crying in the bathroom. I didn't know what to do and I wasn't sure that I could raise a kid by myself.
Christine was an amazing help during my pregnancy and weirdly enough, so was my mother. She missed out on a lot with me and she has been determined to get that time back through Audrey. The little girl is so loved and she doesn't even realize the half of it. She has everyone in this palace wrapped around her little finger and she doesn't even try. I named her Audrey because I liked the name but I wanted to give her something of Ryker's. He is still her father regardless of everything so I had my mother find out Ryker's mother's name and that's what I used as her middle name. At some point he is going to meet Audrey and I want him to feel like she has something of his other than his last name.
"Mummy," Audrey mumbled into my shirt and I immediately shifted my attention to her. "I was waiting for you all morning and you didn't come back."
I k*ssed her curls softly, "I'm so sorry sweetheart, I swear it won't happen again."
She somehow wrapped her arms tighter around me as if she didn't want to leave, which knowing her, is exactly her intentions. Audrey might be young but she knows that people aren't allowed to interrupt our meetings but she does it anyways.
I went off on a council elder once when I was still breastfeeding because he told me that babies shouldn't be in the council room. Needless to say, none of them have ever spoken out of turn in regards to her again. "Are we done here?" I turned to face my mother, "I need to take care of Audrey."
"We are," she gave me a small but patronizing smile then reached out to stroke Audrey's hand softly. "You made the right choice Camilla."
"You make it sound like I had one in the first place."
She pursed her l*ps but I didn't give her another chance to speak before I was on my feet. Audrey wrapped her legs around my torso so I was. carrying her in a front piggy back. Christine got up as well and followed
us out of the council room.
Over my shoulder, I could see her making funny faces at Audrey who was giggling and squealing. We passed a few maids and guards who would stop and bow. I remember when I first came, I was so
uncomfortable from the attention and I would try to have a conversation with each of them.
I grew to realize that most of them don't actually want to have conversations with you. They just bow to show their respect and go back to their work. Most times I just zone them out and focus on the task at hand or else I will get swept into pleasantries and never get to my own tasks.
I walked up the stairs until I got to Audrey's room and I pushed open the door. Her room is right next to mine, there's an interconnecting door and all. Her room is bigger than the one I had back at Ryker's pack and it has more space than any three year old would need.
Her large four poster bed was complete with handles on each side to prevent her from rolling off because she tends to move a lot at night. The sheets were pink and there were various stuffed animals arranged by her pillows. She had a dresser filled with clothes and toiletries and a vanity larger than what any three year old should need.
I tried to convince my mother that it was too much, especially when she bought Audrey more clothes than I care to even count but Queen Leanor does as Queen Leanor wants. I just make sure to try and keep Audrey as humble as possible so she doesn't get swept up by the material things. "Do you want to take a bath first or you want to eat first?" I asked her as soon as we were situated in the room.
She tilted her head to the side as she thought about it and I patiently waited while she drew her own pros and cons in her head. At the end of the long five minutes, she chose a bath first and I led her into the bathroom.
While I gave her a bath, Christine left to probably inform the maids to bring her breakfast. Bathing first seemed to be the better option because I had just finished dressing her for the day when Christine walked back in with three maids walking right behind her.
They set the trays of food on the large coffee table in the room and left. Audrey wasted no time in stuffing her mouth with oatmeal and I watched her with nothing less than complete and utter awe. Sometimes it still feels surreal knowing that I have a daughter of my own and even though
I have made some shi tty mistakes when it comes to parenting her, I know that everything I do is for her benefit.
"What are you going to do?" Christine asked and I turned to her. "Are you going to reach out to him and tell him about her?"
"No," I admitted, "Honestly, I'm not even sure if I want him to know. about her."
"He's her father," she dropped her voice so Audrey wouldn't hear us, "He deserves a chance to at least know her. He is missing out on the most. amazing little girl in the world."
"He wouldn't be if he didn't f uck the woman who put me in harm's way every single opportunity that she got."
She winced, "you're right, I'm sorry." She sighed deeply, "He will be here for the crowning and there is a very high chance that he will see Audrey." "I will do everything in my power to make sure that he doesn't see Audrey," I said with finality, "And it's not just him, it is Tyson too. I don't know if he has forgotten about me or if his ego will still be bruised. The last thing I need is for my daughter to be caught between some weird Alpha pi ssing contest."
I didn't realize my voice had risen until Audrey turned to me, "There's a contest for pee?'
"No sweetheart," I ran my fingers down my face in mortification, "I meant a pretty contest. It is a contest to see who is the prettiest."
She went silent for a second before exclaiming, "You would win the pretty contest mummy."
My heart warmed at her gentle innocence and I leaned down to place a k*ss in her hair. She squealed and practically melted against me and I let out a small sigh.
I turned back to Christine who was watching us with an unreadable expression. I excused myself from Audrey and gestured for her to meet me outside. We shut the door behind us and I turned to her.
"I can't risk them finding out about her," I said finally, "You have to help
me."
"I don't agree with this," she began, "No one should have to miss out on their child's life but I understand why you're doing it so I'll support you." "Thank you," I breathed and she pulled me into a hug. "I just want her to be safe."
11
"I know." Christine suddenly froze around me and I knew who was behind me. She pulled away and shot me a wide eyed look but I calmly assured her with my eyes that I would be fine.
She nodded then turned on her heels and I was left alone with my mother.
"I know you're upset that I sprung that decision on you," she began and I turned to face her. "I just want you to know that I am doing what I think. is best for you."
"What about what I think is best mother?" I asked, "I don't even care about me but what about Audrey? Did you think about her when you made that decision?"
"He will find out about her sooner or later," she said simply, "And you simply cannot keep leaving things half finished. It has been four years. Camilla and you are still hung up over him. You cannot spend the rest of your life pining over a man."
"I'm not pining over a man mother," I resisted the urge to run my hands. through my hair in frustration. "Look, the most important thing to me right now is Audrey. I don't even know what is going on with Ryker or his. life. I don't care-,"
"That's not true," she cut me off, "If you didn't care then you wouldn't have asked me to keep all information about him away from you."
"That's not what I meant when I asked for that."
"Isn't it?" she asked and I fell silent.
I hate it when my mother does this but she knows that she is right. Maybe I didn't want to see or hear about Ryker mating with Lauren. I think I would have felt if he did but the distance and the time and the fact that my wolf and I have shut him out all these years. We also never had an official ceremony so the bond isn't as strong as it can be.
I tried to focus on my daughter and give her the best version of me that I could. I would not have been able to do that if I spent every second of my day crying over my mate like I did while I was pregnant with her.
"Do you remember how you felt when you looked at her for the first time?" mother asked and I hummed. "Do you remember how full you felt and how it felt like your heart was going to burst from the amount of love that you felt for her."
Emotion gathered in my throat and I nodded.
"You will do anything for her, am I right?" I nodded again because I couldn't speak. "That is how I felt when I saw you after all those years. It felt the same like it did twenty two years ago when I gave birth to you. The same way you will never do anything to hurt Audrey is the same way I will never do anything that I think will hurt you."
"I don't want to see him mother."
"I know," she cooed, "But you have to do it sooner or later. You have to either close that door completely or you open it up again."
"I know that." I sighed, "When are they arriving?"
"Most people won't arrive until two weeks but knowing the situation, I would give him a week,"
I swallowed and nodded. I have a week to prepare my mind for anything that might happen. I nodded and started to go back into the room when she stopped me.
"I know you wouldn't want to know," she began, "But he hasn't mated with anyone yet. Do with that information as you will."