"What am i staying alive for?"
I have asked myself that many times now. whenever i get the chance to express that question, i get the feeling of being lost in my own sense. was there something wrong with my head? did i have an undiagnosed disorder that prevented me from answering my own question? why did i even asked myself anyway, shouldn't a question work along with the answer? both can be achieved through asking someone else, Not yourself.
ashika thought to herself.
Continuation of chapter 1 - Ashika's memory
back when there was still a teacher in this orphanage 2 years ago i, would always be absent in their classes. they thought my mind was yet to develop because i barely spoke in a day and would be alone everytime they see me. I had no friends to talk to which made me isolate myself without any worries. but the truth was, i was always absent due to the lessons being thought, i already knew them. they were teachings for those who are above 15 years old and somehow even if i was only 9 i already knew all of them. I asked myself "how?" i didn't know either of how i knew alot.
their duties with us lasted for a year, those who were always present on the class were able to complete the entire academic year, but those who weren't able to was left behind. and i was one of them. these educators also said they were doing this in order to help us, not charging the orphanage with any money. it was simply out of their "kindess" which didn't make any sense for me. because when they said that i recalled other students who had some issues mentally or physically, were getting ignored. some had a mental disorder, slow, or had a late cognitive development. even i knew they were the once to be prioritized as well, but i my perception didn't lie to me. these educators simply had no matter with them. I would even see them stare at these poor children with a look of disgust and irritation, that's when i knew they were not real. their existence was just an action of imitation.
and there i asked myself. what was real? can things be the way i thought of it? well the simple answer is no, but some things can be what you never thought of. the world does indeed hold endless possibilities, like what the Mother told us. (ashika remembers a flash back of her talking to the mother) "the world is just another fragment of false" the mother's words were absolute, as we lived under her guidance...
Within the void of ashika's consciousness, there she layed, curled upon the ground. her knees were clutched close to her chest, her arms entwining her legs like a protective embrace. her head hung low. tenderly resulting upon her knees, like what a fetal position would be akin to.
and after ashika's flashbacks and internal monologues, a small ray of light shined through her empty mind, specially on her bowed head. she wasn't able to notice this small shine on her head but after a brief moment, she raised her head, and the ray of light immediately hit her forhead she noticed this and waved her hand on the light. wondering why there was a shine on such an empty place.
"what's this supposed to be..?" she thought to herself before stretching her hand on the direction of the ray of light in order to try and reach for it. "this is weird, why am i even doing this?" she asked herself again
"oh that's right, im looking for something tha i cannot find. that's why im questioning everything that is possible to be asked, i also challenged myself if i can fulfil my questions, if i was capable enough, if only—" as she stared on the ray of light, her words were suddenly cut short when that light suddenly got brighter and started shining all over ashika's blank mind, eradicating all of the emptiness, as well as dazzling her, and finally...Waking her up.
She slowly opened her eyes and immediately noticed she was still laying down on the floor whe she was attacked by the care taker. her vision was still blurry but she moved her eyes around and also noticed the other kids were surrounding her. it seemed like they were worried and trying to wake her up. some were talking to each other on what they should do, and some suddenly ran outside to perhaps, call an adult.
As ashika layed there on her side, the movements around her were slow, and her hearing was muffled and distorted, as if she was underwater.
"My body feels heavy. my senses aren't functioning properly and everything hurts... how long have i been laying here? being trapped in my own mind while unconscious outside felt like hours, why are they around me? this is embarassing i need to get up... eh? am i paralyzed? i cant move any of my limbs. i didn't know getting strangled and kicked multiple times would lead me to this state, i should've avoided it, but i do wonder. what was that ray of light that i saw, was it something that i should be worried of? or something i should get excited for? I dont know but it felt warm. i never expected such a small ray of brightness could be that warm, it felt diffrent. like i was given the chance to look for an answer, that i was destined to know..."
As she layed there, the other kids around her mentioned the name of caretaker amy which slightly widened the eyes of ashika. "Oh yeah she was here earlier, where did she go? was i just imagining things that someone stood up for me...? or maybe it was actually real, but she seemed to be absent in my vision, i wish... i could ask her about it. why did she protect me? i wanna know, and i have to" she thought to herself before her vision starts blurring and fading but before she lose her consciousness, she saw care taker amy standing right outside of the door. she wasn't moving and only stood there, and something was different, something didn't feel right. as ashika's vision started getting blurrier, her vision reached amy's face, and there...
Her eyes widened as she saw caretaker amy's face, smiling and and her eyes were slightly squinted. her face was really familiar for ashika, and there the caretaker slowly moved her arm near infront of her face, before using her index finger and putting it near her lips, displaying the shushing gesture, with her faint smile and slightly squinted eyes, ashika gasped in her mind when she heard the words
"How arw you doing my sweet darling" from caretaker amy herself.
"T-The Mother...?" she pondered on herself, before slowly losing her consciousness once again.
Surprise wrap and up! - If you are not yet aware of "The Mother" she is essentially the first person who accepted ashika and took her under her own guidance, which gave ashika a little bit of light within her emptiness, but even if she showed kindness to ashika, her mystery is still present. no one actually knows who she is other than ashika, but there was one information about her that was available. It can be concluded that The Mother Isn't a normal human, but something much more. A Supernatural phenomena perhaps...?