It's been a week since Mihai didn't expect to see me walk into my office the next day acting like the events of the day prior did not happen at all, the look on his face when I asked him for progress reports on the children's play for the week of remembrance work have been hilarious had I not been drowning in guilt
His emotions were swirling above his head like a thought bubble, I could read it word for word, and sadly saying many of those words would earn you a spanking
Ever since then, I threw myself into the week of remembrance, it was as the name implied, a week yearly dedicated to remembering the people no longer with us, It was another one of my decisions, and I came up with it as my third year as Alpa, the pack members were slowly coming to terms with the loss of their loved ones, and the human's war was winding down to a close, we hadn't seen a bombing in months and hadn't heard any warplanes in even longer, it was the perfect time to embrace healing and move on, so I brought up my idea and set it the starting day to be on the anniversary of my Father's death
I let the week of remembrance occupy my waking minute, even when Mihai voiced his disapproval, he said festivities at a time of emergency were unwise, but what would truly be unwise would be to take away a precious holiday from the pack members without giving them a proper reason
"No proper reason you say?"
A reason that won't cause mass hysteria, I ignored her taunts, she's been doing that all week, it's nothing new, but lately her jabs have an underlying layer of condescension and contempt which makes listening the her suffocating, especially when I have better things to do
"Like to like your people and roll around in self-pity?"
I refused to entertain her, not when I had decorations that needed approving, everything about this year's Celebration needed to be perfect
"...lph…"
I need the right color and the right lighting, I need to pick the right sequence for the parade
"...Al..a"
I also need to double-check the seating arranges for the drama the kids are doing in my Father's honor, which reminds me I need to look into the grand hall and see how that's fairing
I also need to
"Alpha!" Heavy hands slap down on my table sending my papers flying
I get ready to heavily reprimand Mihai for daring to interrupt me so deep in thought but then I looked up and the face he wore took the bite right out of me
His eyes sunken, his pupils mere black dots, and even his dark skin paled
"What is it?" I asked, much softer than I wanted to
"He's dead" my heart ached, I had a feeling I knew exactly who he was referring to but I wasn't ready to face it, not yet
"Who is dead?"
He looked at me like I was crazy, maybe I am "The soldier with the cut in his chest, the one whose wounds weren't healing and had to be strapped down, report landed on my table this morning, he died…"
"How did he pass?" I asked trying to sound strong but the crack in my voice betrayed me
"In his sleep Alpha, they did as you instructed and repeatedly drugged him keeping him unconscious while they treated him, the last time he was awake was the day we went to see him"
So he's been in a drug-induced coma for 7 days "So he passed painlessly, that's good" a much kinder faith than how he had lived up until that moment "...what about the other soldiers? the ones who were unconscious, are they awake yet?"
"No Alpha, they are still asleep…"
"That's unfortunate" was all I said before turning my attention back to my piles of papers, the day I left the office I doubled the defenses around our borders, every single outpost got more men, more supplies, and more equipment, doing so took guards out of the pack house and away from the town itself, was having a lot fewer police officers and a lot fewer guards on the street, we didn't have any crimes in the pack in the first place, the guards were just a formality and a way to maintaining order within the pack, removing guards, especially with the festival round the corner seemed reckless, but if our borders got breached with that devil stone….
"Moonstone"
I know that!, I snap at her, God I can't stand it when she gets snarky and invades my thoughts like that, whatever stone it's called if it gets into our town it's over, increasing patrol around the border got me a lot of questionable looks from the council but none of them voiced any concern and even if they did I don't have time to hear it
I couldn't afford to let myself think of anything else right now, anyone else, I also couldn't afford to let Mihai see just how relieved I was to hear those soldiers were still sleeping peacefully, they won't go around blabbing about demon stones
"Moonstones!"
Oh, will you just shut up already?!
Still, just leaving them like that felt unwise, they could wake up at any moment, maybe I should instruct one of the doctors to keep them in a drug-induced trance as well
Mihai still stood in the center of my office, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, usually after his briefings and major announcements he goes back into his office, whenever he stands like this he has something he wants to say, he only ever struggles this much another one thing, u can't deal with this right now, I have to choose between pink or yellow dresses for the big dance number in the children's play
"Out with it already Beta Adams!" I say without looking up from my stack of papers
He clears his throat "Another letter arrived from the Fracti Luna" I knew it, this again
"Oh yes, I saw the Letter, Alice, bless her soul, the poor thing brought it along with the rest of my correspondence and dropped it on my table, do be a dear and help me rip it up, throw it in the trash on your way out"
I watched him intently, watching the different emotions that flashed across his face between the start and the end of my sentence, hope, giddy, shock, anger, then disappointment, his father had the same disappointed face, he wore it whenever Mihai and I got caught skipping classes
"Are you seriously going to keep doing This?!"
"Doing what exactly?" I set my papers down
"THIS!!..." He throws his hands in the air with an exasperated sigh, Beta Adams was gone, he wasn't talking as my right hand but as my childhood friend who was tired of my antics, when he drops this formalities it's like a switch flips, and suddenly I'm not the Alpha anymore, I'm the girl who cried till he said he'd be my friend when we were 6, and I was about to get a tongue lashing
"... Seriously Ileana?!..."
"I am you Alp.."
"Just stop it already!! We both know damn well why you made me your Beta, it was for cases like this when you mess up! You need someone that won't suck up to you and just take every Goddamn word you say as law, so I'm calling it now, you're making a huge mistake!"
"Which mistake exactly?" I put on a calm facade despite boiling beneath the surface
"You know listening to the Fraci Luna pack work does us some good, they've been sending correspondence every day for 2 months now, and the very least you could do is hear them out, especially…., Especially now that our borders aren't safe"
"Whose fault is that?!, Whose fault is it that our borders are in shambles?!"
"You can't blame their innocence for that...!"
"I can and I damn well will!, There isn't a single innocent soul in that God-forsaken pack…!"
"Listen to yourself! You sound just like them..!"
"How dare you?!" I slammed my hand on the table so loud the hinges creaked
"It's true isn't it!You were there that day, you led that raid! You fought them, what were they saying about us?!They called us monsters, they called us lowly, and they justified Killing all of us because they believed none of us were innocent! They believed none of us were living beings! One of them said those exact words to you before spitting in your face! And now you say the same thing!..." I couldn't fight him, I did remember it, I remember that day we lead a raid on their base, they got cocky and set up camp on our border, they thought they'd broken us, especially after my failed first time leading an attack they thought we would never fight ever again
But we did, Mihai stood in front of me in this very office that day too, and yelled at me to pull myself together, we raided their base and captured them with the night on our side like a blessing from God, we fought them, and he killed every last one thing, but not before hearing exactly what they thought of us, I still hear them when I close my eyes at night
He had already made his point but Mihai wasn't done, with all the things I've pulled lately I know better than to believe he'd let me off the hook this easily "..You, you like to act so angry, whenever we bring them up you get so angry and all your rationality flies out the damned window and you get so selfish, I understand it, I understand why you hate them, after the years of attack and tyranny every soul on this camp understands why you hate them, but then you act like you're the only one who lost someone…." The quiver in his voice broke my heart, I am being selfish, I got angry with him whenever he brought up talking to the Fracti Luna pack and treated him so horribly, completely dismissing everything he had to say and forgetting that he Lost his brother too
He must have struggled with my stubbornness, completely ignoring how doing this must have crushed him, every time he advocated I allow them council, he must have hated me
"I am so sorry" The sudden apology caught him off guard, and his mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish "...I didn't forget him, I didn't forget any of them, it's just hard to consider the possibility, to believe that we could move past it all, to forgive them.."
"No one wants to forgive them, no one is expecting you to forgive, I sure as hell have the intention of doing no such thing, they took from us, they hurt us for so long, no one is forgiving them here, but whatever it is they have to say, is worth listening to, especially if it could prove to be for the betterment of the pack"
I could hear him, and I hated the fact that what he was saying made sense
"You hate the fact that what I'm saying makes sense," he says and I narrow my eyes at him
"Did you tell me? Is she feeding Zaafi my thoughts again?" I glare at the treacherous wolf, which is hard to do since she's in my head
"No, it's just written all over your face…" he chuckled, the tension in the air dissipated to a degree ".... please read the letter Ileana" he pleaded and I nodded which earned me a smile, he bowed then turned and walks out the door leaving me to my thoughts
Collapsing in the chair I take deep breaths, I hate when he gets all reasonable, looking at the correspondence on my table I easily find the Manilla envelope with the sigil of the Fracti Luna, I scowl but reach for it nonetheless
Bringing the envelope to my face I was hit with the most delectable scent which filled my lungs and overtook my senses tearing a growl out of my chest
"MINE!"