Every detail of my past life surges, dragging buried truths into the light. Leo isn't just the terrifying demon who nearly ended my life by carving into my guts anymore. He's a wretched being, consumed by pride and blinded by ambition. The cruelest irony? I was his pawn. I followed his twisted orders, committing vile, illegal acts without hesitation. Even then, his methods were anything but humane. As I sift through my memories, I can't tell if he was already possessed or if that was the moment his descent began.
Either way, the thought sickens me. I want to scream and tear myself apart, but I don't have the strength. My stomach twists into knots, and as I wander the streets, I nearly vomit several times.
I lose track of time and don't know where I am after leaving the cemetery. The sky is my only companion, darkening without warning before bursting into rain. As night falls, soaked to the bone and barely dragging my feet, I somehow make it back to my street.
I stand in the rain for what feels like an eternity. It comforts me, even if only a little. Perhaps it's because the raindrops mix with my tears, making them feel less like my own. Or maybe it's because the rain washes over my skin and clothes as if trying to cleanse the filth clinging to me.
What once seemed beautiful will never be again. I don't want anything anymore. The only thing keeping me going is the fury boiling deep inside. At this moment, I can't even say what separates me from the demons I've hunted for years.
No mask of good intentions can hide the stench of self-hatred. Almost unconsciously, I pin my rage on another target—Leo. If I found him, I'd kill him in the cruelest way possible, destroying every part of him—body and soul.
I despise myself for these thoughts, but I stop fighting them at some point. I accept what's left. Nothing I've fought for matters anymore and I'll gladly disappear once it's over.
When I reach the bookstore, my mood remains unchanged. The bell jingles as I step inside. It's quiet; there are no more customers. I hear muffled voices somewhere in the back, but I don't try to make out their words.
"Nate, for fuck's sake, where have you been?" Arthur's voice snaps me back. "Why do you look like that? The last thing we need is for you to get sick."
I lift my eyes sluggishly. Concerned faces stare at me, but I have nothing to say. None of this should've happened. I could've lived as I was, and no one would've bothered me. Without another glance, I shuffle toward the stairs. Eleonora says something, but I ignore her. Only after I reach the bathroom and shut the door do I breathe easier.
I lean against the sink for a long time, staring blankly at my reflection. Wet, wind-tossed hair hangs in strands over my face. Heavy drops fall into the sink, one by one. My once warm-toned skin now looks pale and grayish, framing the dark hollows of my tired eyes. They hold nothing—just a piercing emptiness. I hardly recognize myself. The spark I once had is gone.
After this self-assessment, I strip off my wet clothes and change into dry ones. I don't bother showering—no water could wash away this feeling. Leaving the bathroom, the only thought in my mind is collapsing into bed and forgetting everything for a while.
As I enter the room, Cody blocks my path.
"Are you okay?" he asks hesitantly. "We were really worried."
I pause but say nothing.
"Nate," he says again, his voice almost a whisper.
I meet his gaze. I can see he means it, but I'm too torn apart inside to care.
"I'm fine," I mutter, attempting to brush past him, but his warm hand catches mine.
The contact sends a faint tingle through me. In another moment, I might've felt my heart race. But now, it's as if my heart doesn't exist.
"No matter how much you try to hide it, I can see you're not okay," he says.
I know he only means well, but his words irritate me. I yank my hand away, severing the connection. I don't want him getting close. I'm afraid of hurting him.
"See whatever you want to see," I snap through gritted teeth.
That doesn't deter Cody. When I take another step forward, he firmly blocks my path again.
"I get that you've been through a lot," he says, calm but steady. "But don't you think it'd be easier if you talked about it?"
Anger flares inside me. I don't want to lash out, but everything sets me off now. I'm terrified of causing more pain.
"I don't want to talk about anything," I reply coldly, hoping he'll back down.
But Cody doesn't move. His gaze locks onto mine, unyielding and piercing.
"Nate."
"For God's sake, leave me alone!" I shout, shoving him hard.
Cody stumbles but stays upright. The hurt flashes in his eyes, but he doesn't back away. To my surprise, he steps forward and pushes me back—not gently either. I furrow my brows.
"You don't like it when anger is turned on you? Then why do you think directing it at others is any better?" his voice is firm. "That's not strength, Nate. That's giving up."
His words hit me like a punch to the gut. My blood boils, but I know he's right. A lump rises in my throat, and tears well up in my eyes. I try to hold them back, but there's already too much inside me.
"You're human," he says gently. "Even with all your abilities, you're allowed to make mistakes. You're allowed to feel lost. You can heal at your own pace, but you've got to stop pretending everything's fine. Let it out."
Before I can process his words, Cody steps closer and wraps his arms around me.
For a moment, I want to push him away—but I can't. Everything I've been holding inside breaks free, and I burst into tears. I don't want to talk, but I can't bear to be alone. The only thing keeping me from losing my mind is the warmth of his arms around me.
My legs give out, and we collapse to the floor. My tears soak into the crook of Cody's neck as his hand gently strokes my hair. I don't feel better, but with what little strength I have left, I clutch his shirt tightly.