What do i think for what life should be?
Life is terrible...
Life is hard...
But somehow, i start to find it different-
What could be its source?
I feel like- i should look for it
*╔═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╗*
𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞
*╚═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╝*
Hi, I'm Theo, and i am 5 years old. I'm just a simple boy living on a small village, far away from the bustling city. Our village is modest, but it holds a special charm, and the centerpiece of it is our barn, a big barn! with lots of animals in it, and all of them are my favorite.
When i'm at school, i'm eager for that bell to ring. I can't always wait for me to go home and see my four-legged friends on the barn chilling and having a good time. The gentle lowing of the cows, the clucking of the chickens, and the bleating of the sheep create a soothing symphony that soothes my soul. I take pleasure in brushing the soft coats of the horses, feeding the pigs their daily slop, and watching the playful antics of the barn kittens.
In the company of these beloved creatures, I find a sense of comfort and belonging that I cannot replicate elsewhere. They are my confidants, my playmates, and my solace. When the worries of the world threaten to weigh me down, I need only retreat to the barn to be enveloped in their steadfast presence.
This simple life in the village may not be filled with the excitement and opportunities of the city, but it is a life I cherish. Here, in the quiet embrace of my animal companions, I am content to while away my childhood, finding joy in the small, precious moments that make up the fabric of my days.
But despite of me being so overwhelmed with their presence, lies the dark ambiance that envelopes my whole body
I may be smiling but not for long-
I may be fortunate with my four-legged friends, but not my family who bears ill with me
For bringing me into this world-
As the sun starts to hide so the sky turns to ark, it's at that moment where my family gets home...
My body and soul starts to shake and tremble as i detect their presence the moment i hear that door make an open-noise.
I'm in pain...
I'm constantly abused...
They keep telling me that i should be grateful that i'm being fed-
That i'm being fed with the same meal as them and not the same as my four-legged friends. My mother and father, my brother and sister- they bear disgust towards me.
My friends at school told me that being the youngest is the best, but how come its not the same on mine?
Despite of me being only 5 years old, so far from reaching maturity, i think like i'm matured
Maybe because of the trauma i'm getting?
Or...
Maybe because of how i constantly think about how i hate my life so much?
I'm utterly disappointed by how my life turned out. I hate to live-
I don't wanna live
But i have no other choice but to continue doing so, until that moment came where i can finally be set free, i have to do my best and withstand every threat that may come along the way
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"I'm so bored hon" He said and sighed infront of my mother as they drank together in the late evening. "So am i" my mom replied
"I'm so heavily affected by this boredom, I wanna do something crazy" My dad said. "Crazy? Like crazy crazy?" My mom replied. "Yes, like super crazy, the craziness that i'll never forget" My dad replied. "You know what- I have a big crazy idea" My mom replied once more with an expression of excitement on her face.
Morning then arrives
I just woke up from that crazy dream that i've had, just like all little kids does- until i heard my name being shouted multiple times
"Theo!!! Come down here right now!!!" My mom shouted. "I'm coming" I then replied
I then hurried downstairs to avoid my mom getting too angry with me
*Arrived downstairs in the kitchen*
"How many times do i shout for you to hear me!" My mom was so angry as she says that. "Are you deaf? We're you born deaf? because i'm sure i delivered a healthy boy" she then added. "I'm sorry mom, i'm here now" I then apologized.
"Let me cut to the chase, we're going somewhere" My mom said. "Where are we going?" I respond. "It's not your concern, now sit down and eat because we're getting late!" She said.
I didn't bother saying another word because she's really angry at me. I just sat down and ate everything on the plate as quick as i can so my mom won't get angry too much
After eating, my mom called me and told me to go with her inside the car.
"What took you both so long? I've been dying to go" My dad said. "You can ask this demonic child of yours who made me shout his name so many time, my voice is about to give up cuz of him" My mom responded with disappointment on her face. "Well it doesn't matter now, hurry or else we'll arrive too late" My dad said.
It's almost 2hours drive far away from home. As i start to gaze in the window, i saw lush full of greens and echoes of the wild. I start to get excited as i slowly realize that we're heading somewhere deep in the forest. I'm fond with animals, meeting more of them would mean so much for me
*A moment later*
"Finally we're here!" My dad shouted full of joy. "I know right hon, this is going to be a crazy day" My dad responded as she slowly turns her head on me with a suspicious smile on her face. "Now the big challenge begins" My dad said. "It's time for an exhausting walk towards the center of the forest, i can't wait for this camping" He added
We then started walking, following the path to the center of the forest where the camping area is, a few moments later i started to ask a question on my mom
"Ummmm...." I'm trying to get the words out of my mouth. "What um? are you broken?" My mom said with anger. "I- i was just gonna ask" I responded. "Then hurry asking, i don't have time for baby talking" she replied. "M- mommy... wheres my older brother and sister? wh- why is there only a 3 of us if we're gonna head out and get a good time?" I responded while shaking.
*Me and my mom stopped for a few seconds*
"We'll listen, that's none of your businesss, if you wanna get a good time just stop asking and talking and just walk with us" She said with so much anger.
This is why i fear the ones who brought me to this world whose suppose to give me love and care yet i'm getting the exact opposite of it. Well, there's not much that i can do, i just nodded at her and just walked till we get to the center.
*An hour and a few mins later*
"Finally, we're here!" My dad shouted again. "Let's start preparing shall we?" My dad added
As i started to look around as soon as we arrived, i noticed strange in the place- there's no one here....
"Mom...Dad.... are we in the right place? there's no one here" I asked again with courage. "Have you learned nothing?" My mom responded. "Let me rephrase it for you, just shut up and help us here!" She added
I helped them prepare everything we need for this camping- but still i noticed something strange again...not until...
"Listen theo, this is your tent ok, everything you need is in here. From foods, to everything, so if you need anything just find them here" My dad told me. "Okay dad" I responded politely to avoid them getting angry at me.
As soon as they start to lit the woods on fire for our source of light and heat, i saw them packing their things like they're heading somewhere
"Mom! Dad! where are you going?" I asked. "You-" My mom was trying to respond with so much anger. "It's okay hon, i got this" My dad said while restraining my mother. "We're heading back to the car, it seems that we forgot a few stuff" He added. "But- what about me?" I responded. "Oh you'll be fine, just stay there and wait for us to come back ok" He said with confidence.
I just nodded at him as he pat me on my head. Few minutes later they started walking back to the car as i sat down on the camping chair, bored, and waiting for them to come back in the middle of the night.
I waited....
And waited.....
But as i kept tracking the time on my watch stapled on my wrist, i feel anxious about where my parents could be.
I'm hungry....
I want to go home...
As i am so desperate, i got up from my camping chair
I started walking...
I started running...
But i cant seem to find them-
I'm lost in the forest full of the unknown, i lost hope-
Did they abandon me?
I went back to where my camp is located and luckily i found my way back. I checked the inside of my tent and saw some useful stuff that i can use, especially now that i desperately needed some food.
Fortunately, i know how to cook despite of my young age. I learned how to do everything by myself as i am always neglected at home, so i have to learn how to do stuff.
After dinner, i started gazing in the starry sky wondering how i can overcome this difficult situation of mine. I may resent my life, and my family, but i still want to go back-
It's difficult to be honest, I haven't done anything wrong yet they're cruel. How come life is so difficult to understand. Or maybe i'm just so unlucky to be living on the wrong side of the world.
Nonetheless, i want to be a brave little boy who can become a warrior of his life. But i lack the shield and the sword- where am I suppose to get one?
After talking with myself for so long, I wen't back inside my tent and went to sleeep...
As the sun starts to rise, i heard a noise coming nearby, i then proceed to open the tent and then looked for what causes it.
"Whos'e there" I asked so curiously, but was also scared because i don't know the source of the noise.
I started walking around where i last detected where the noise was and it seems that a creature has destroyed my trash bag where i threw my garbage last night...
and then suddenly...
I saw a creature staring at me...
*╔═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╗*
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟎𝟏: 𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞
*╚═══❖•ೋ° °ೋ•❖═══╝*
"Oh, hello there... I apologize for i have caused disturbance- and uhm... also interrupted your sleep." He said while his face looked worried."I know it's a bit early- however i'm a bit hungry" The creature said to me with a sad look while looking at his belly pointing out that he's indeed starving.
"Oh- I see, It's alright, If it's about food then i can help you with that, let's go infront of my tent and i'll cook some food." I replied to the creature with a smile and confidence. "I'm glad you woke me up, this is a good time for nice meal" I then added
I saw the creature with a great smile on his face. We then got to the front of the tent where i cooked my dinner yesterday, the creature then sat on the grass and waited patiently for the meal
*10minutes later*
"Here it is, I'm finished cooking my specialty, A steak!" I called him since he was roaming around the forest. "Dig in and help yourself, hope you'd liked what i've prepared for you... and for me" I added
"Oh goodie... Thank you so much, I can't wait to taste this yummy meal of yours" The creature then replied with an exciting look and was drooling
We both sat down and ate, and While we're eating, we then exchanged words to know each other further
"By the way, I'm Theo, whats your name?" I asked.
"Uhmm- I'm just a bear...i guess" He replied.
"Oh, I'll just call you bear then, we can be good friends!" I responded.
"Oh sure we do, I hope we'll get along" He said while having a big smile on his face
"I- also have a question" the bear asked.
"Sure, what is it?" I replied.
"Aren't you afraid of me?- Little friend?" the bear said looking worried that i might just said it because i was afraid.
"Not at all" I responded with conviction.
"You see, i live with the animals at the barn every day, i see them as my family- more than my own family." I said while looking at the eyes
"Even though they're just animals whether a pet, livestock, or wild animals, I have no fear nor disgust." I continued by telling my story and started feeling sad
"In fact, I love them, just like how i love myself- kind of. So you don't have to worry about me being scared of you, fear is nothing for me. I got used to it, so be free to interact with me, and I'll treat you the same way like i did to my animal friends". I told him the very reason why i'm not scared of him even though he's a wild animal
"Oh- i wasn't expecting that...your story makes me feel sad. However, i thank you for telling me why you're kind and afraid of me. But also, i have a question" He said.
"Go ahead, ask as many times as you want" I responded with a big smile on my face.
"You just told me earlier that you see animals as your family, more than your own, why is that? And why are you in the middle of the forest- alone?" He questioned with a face that's so eager to know why.
"I- I just love them really and just saw them like my own family, that's it. I've been through a lot, and it's been very hard for me lately, My animal friends saw me as part of their family, and so do i... My own family- never sees me as part of them, never has been. And it's killing me- inside. It's like i'm a ghost, i'm there but not really. They don't see me, it's like they don't know me. More like they don't know that i exist in the first place... I've been wondering why to be honest. What have i done to deserve this. I don't deserve this, i really don't. It's not my fault being born, i was forced- to be here. I'm jealous of the other children, they're loved, they're cared, they're noticed. But why can't my mom and dad do the same? I'm their son, just like my brother and sister, but it's only them that's been loved, and cared, and noticed. What about me? I'm being left alone... I'm just a kid. But even though i'm just a kid, i realized a lot of things, but i know there's more that i have to realize, but i don't know what they are. I just want to cry- alone, and longer, until my eyes get tired. But i'm struggling to do that. I promised myself that i'll be strong no matter what, even though it leads to being just me- alone. But i'm getting weaker, and weaker. Crying makes me weak, the people that surround me even tell that. So i'm sure it does. So i'm doing my very best to hold these tears till they're dried up. But despite my efforts- I feel like i'm almost at my limit. I'm a kid-, whose so young to experience a kind of life like this. But there's not much that i can do- literally nothing. I'm here already, given the kind of life i never wished. So right now, i'm trying to survive, even if its just me- alone. " I responded without even a single drop of tear from my eye.
After i told him why, there was a moment of silence for a few seconds, So i just waited for him to make a noise- like a response, but theres none. So instead, I went up and started to walk inside my tent...until-
"Kid..." He called me with a soft voice.
"Yeah?" I responded then looked at him.
"Come sit again" He command me
"Look at me in the eyes- you are- not alone..." He replied like he was confidence that i was really not without even knowing what my life was like- i only told him a portion of my story
But even so- I felt something that i never felt before
"Why do you say so?" I asked. I was so curious as to why he was able to say that
"Think about what you've said earlier, i'm sure you've noticed- but you've never made yourself realize it" He said.
"Your animal friends- the ones that you cared, the ones that you see as your own family, they've been there for you right from the beginning." He added
From that moment, i felt very emotional as to how i wasn't able to realize that. But was still not enought to make me cry
"The moment you stepped inside your second home, was the start of your new life being with your new family. Kid,
life is unpredictable,
it really is.
It's like winning a lottery, you didn't expect, it just happened.
I don't know what you've been through, I don't know what your life was, but one things for sure- you were very strong and never been weak. You've endured and suffered so much yet you're here- still alive and kicking. Your parents abandoned you in the middle of the forest, yet you survived from the danger that this forest is engulfed with. You're a kid that's been left alone, yet you're here talking with me, you should be proud of that.
Being proud of yourself- being proud shouldn't be only focused on your achievements, but how you managed to survive even with a tiny glimpse of hope.
You were able to survive on your own without any guidance- you're independent, you've managed to become who you are through your self sacrifices, and that should make you proud of yourself. Even though you've been neglected by your own family, you should still put a smile, because a smile can make your day a thousand better. Look at you, it's like nothing bad has happened" He said to me while touching my shoulders as some sort of comfort.
He said that to me with such confidence in his eyes, like my life was never wrong, it felt like its some sort of trial of how i can overcome such situations without a company
"It must have been tough, i'm sure about it. But there's also one thing i'm sure about.
Crying doesn't make you weak
nor does it make you less like a person or a man.
Tears- they're wonderful, like a waterfall falling with rainbows above them, just like on the picture books.
Crying exists to be your source of strength. It makes your heart and spirit more alive and drives your will
You have the resolve to make a difference, your bravery itself can be its source.
So don't be afraid to cry.
make your tears fall, you don't have to listen to them that it makes you weak, it's the exact other way around. You're a brave little boy, no matter what happens, even if you cry all day, your strong and you forever will be." He added
After hearing those words, i am overcome with grief and tears infront of him...
My heart aches
Every time i remember how pitiful i am at the hands of my own parents
Before everything of this happened, i always question myself...
What would life be like if i was in good hands?
What have i done to deserve all of this?
Why is this all happening to me?
But most painfully, i often tell myself...
I shouldn't have been born-
I just cant stop sobbing, it hurts...
I'm in pain
I need help
A child like me shouldn't be suffering
I should be at school
I should be in a place where i belong
However, it seems that i'm lost...
"How can you be so sure with your words" I questioned with so much curiosity.
"I have never felt this kind of feeling before, but i don't want to assume that they're yours- perhaps they're yours...but i doubt they're yours" I added.
"It's okay, if you think about me in this way" He replied calmly.
"Because afterall, i'm an animal- not a human" He paused for a moment before continuing.
"But even so, i'm a product of nature, and nature does everything from the unexpected. I- maybe an animal, but i also have feelings... I understand you- like how you understood me. I also have my own story- like how you have yours. They can be good, bad, or even both- our stories are unique. I feel emotions- all kinds... Just like you feel yours. I know you have tons of questions- like why does a bear say all this stuff like he's a human. It's because we share so much in common despite our differences. Even though i'm an animal, there's things where we're the same. And that's something i want you to understand. We have life, and so- please don't hurt us." He said and was looking emotionl. His words touched ny heart so deep- i want him to come home with me
"All of my words are from my experiences and from the humans that i come across. We overheard them- sometimes, and by doing so everyday, we understand life situations like your kind experience everyday. And i hope you'll understand because someday, these words can help you grow and can nurture you for the future". He added
Those simple words- of a creature... eliminated my doubts as to how he can help me
He may perhaps, illuminate the darkness that dwells inside of me
As to what i am right now, i'm nothing but an empty jar
"You- wanna know what i think about you now?" I questioned him in a way that he would get very curious.
"I think that you're the best that i've met so far" i added.
"I'm in so much misery, and i feel like if I'm going to leave this forest alone, this misery that i've felt will continue to get bigger and bigger" I said with so much conviction.
"After hearing all of your words, i've made my decision- i know that this is kind of weird to be asking from an animal, but i wanna ask this with all my heart" I said with tears starting to drop again
Can you help me?
"That won't be a question anymore kid, I've been planning on doing so since the beginning." He replied without delay, with so much joy and a touching smile
"Let this be the start of our journey towards a better life- but of course, they can't be a better life without experiencing the good and the bad. But i'm sure we'll learn something from it so let's stop talking, pack your things, then hop on my back!"
LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN!