Ch 24 Nell
As for the present... Alistair's footfalls carried him down the hushed passageway leading to the family vault, each step an inexorable hammer strike driving him farther from the idealistic conceits that had sustained him for decades. Pushing through the oaken door, he moved towards the heavy iron cask where their most treasured antiquities and heirlooms were entombed.
The Qianlong seal rested atop the priceless Madeira bottle, twin offerings meant to usher in a new era of reinvigorated amity between their dynastic allies. Yet as Alistair lifted the carved jade from its resting place, he could not help but perceive it differently now–a symbol not of partnership and solidarity, but of willful segregation. Of the vast cultural and ideological chasms separating the inviolable House of Whitmore from their increasingly tainted vassals.
His feet propelled him inexorably towards a small alcove tucked into the vault's dustiest corner. There, atop a battered cedar chest, rested a tarnished silver casket whose ornate etchings had long since blurred beneath the oxidized patina.
With hands that trembled ever so slightly, Alistair unlatched the casket's lid, releasing a cloud of stale air and the faintest whispers of lavender. Inside, nestled amid faded linen, rested a modestly embroidered handkerchief - the delicate stitching now frayed, the once vibrant indigo threads faded to faint periwinkle.
As Alistair's calloused fingertips caressed the gossamer fabric, the dam holding back a deluge of memories finally fractured. Unbidden recollections came flooding back in fragmented vignettes, each one searing itself upon his psyche with visceral intensity…
...A fresh-faced young maid with wheat-gold curls escaping her crisp mobcap, ducking her head demurely as she stooped to gather his sweat-soiled riding clothes. Introducing herself in a lilting brogue as "Nell, m'lord..."
...Her nimble hands deftly sorted the fabrics before proffering the handwoven handkerchief with a murmured, "For your brow..." Her soulful hazel eyes flickered up to meet his gaze, rapidly dropping away as the faintest blush tinged her cheeks.
...Pilfered moments in shadowed alcoves and dusty anterooms, Alistair's fingers tangling in Nell's fiery tresses as he craved the intoxicating floral perfume of her skin and the honey-sweet taste of her mouth…
...A stolen glimpse of Nell preparing his bath, her deft hands gliding across the steaming waters, swirling in aromatic oils before turning to pour a decanter of deep claret. Nell caught his heated gaze and ducked her head, hiding beneath the veil of her lashes as an enigmatic smile played about her rosebud lips...
The memories cascaded more feverishly then. The first searing intimacy of Nell's honeyed skin beneath Alistair's calloused palms as he pulled her into a shadowed alcove. Her surprised gasp dissolved into breathless reciprocation as his mouth found hers in a devouring kiss that kindled into an all-consuming conflagration.
Candlelight gilding Nell's nubile form in his bed-chamber, setting her burnished tresses ablaze as her fingers deftly unlaced his riding boots. The trembling reverence with which they first undressed each other, his lips blazing a scorching path from her ankle up the silken expanse of her calf…
The exquisite rapture contorted Nell's features as they finally joined, her nails scoring Alistair's back in delirious arcs as they crested the dizzying summit together. Lying awash in the aftermath, her russet tresses spilt across his chest as she nuzzled insensately against his neck, murmuring wordless adorations amid the rhythmic sounds of their mingled breathing…
Hushed midnight trysts in the shadowed stables and gazebos where Nell's peals of girlish laughter transmuted into breathless keening against his lips. The distant baying of hounds and hooting of owls provided the only accompaniment to their clandestine couplings.
Alistair's throat constricted as his recollections shifted, suffusing with melancholy. The swell of Nell's body ripened with his child, her radiant glow in those final months before the birthing. Her trembling hands brushed the perspiration from his brow as he paced the adjoining chamber, cloaked in dread each time her groans echoed through the walls.
His memories grew more lurid and intimate, each one searing into the forefront of his consciousness with visceral poignancy. Their first fevered couplings after Nell's bedrest, her mouth hot and slick against his as he buried himself within her welcoming embrace, straining to rekindle the ardour they once knew. The desperation with which they sought solace in those ephemeral quiet moments before harsh reality descended anew...
Trailing his fingertips across the taut, velvet swathe as it undulated beneath his touch, Alistair had marvelled at the miraculous motions unfurling inside Nell's hallowed depths. The nebulous ripples of tiny fists and feet announcing the spark of consciousness glimmering to life like a newborn star shrugging off the mantle of night.
Then, as if roused by her father's rumbling voice, Jennifer would offer a jolting riposte in the form of an unmistakable shudder just beneath Nell's navel. Prompting the mother-to-be's eyes to crinkle in delight, cradling her womb more snugly as she shot Alistair a look of pure wonderment, her countenance radiant with adoration...
Yet those gossamer moments of tranquillity were eclipsed all too fleetingly by Nell's crescendoing pangs, heralding the harrowing ordeal to come. Her cries of distress and the creaking bedframe's protest straining down the passageway, escalating in pitch and cadence until reaching a horrific zenith. A culminating wail of such visceral, primordial torment that Alistair felt his very bones resonate in sympathetic vibration…
The memories reached their searing crescendo in an unbearable tableau of visceral intensity that scorched itself upon Alistair's psyche like a brand:
Nell lying in a pool of fluids and afterbirth, her grief-ravaged countenance twisted beyond recognition as guttural curses tore from her throat in that guttural brogue she only lapsed into during moments of extremity. Mottled flesh glistened with sweat and streaked with tears as she clawed and thrashed against the sodden sheets. Fingers transformed into bloodless talons that crushed and pulverized Alistair's hand in their vice-grip until the bones splintered with sickening pops...
Then the cataclysmic silence, a cessation so profound it seemed to syphon every whisper of sound and motion from the universe itself. Only to be rent asunder an eternity later by Jennifer's first soul-rending wails - a clarion call of such petrifying intensity that Alistair felt the very roots of his being quake in existential reverberation.
And in the nightmare's aftermath, Nell's porcelain features slackened, the last tortured gasps rattling from her bloodless lips as her eyes drifted closed against the tear-streaked hollows. Yet even as the radiant spark of vitality within her dimmed to a guttering ember, her countenance was suffused with an aura of transcendent serenity, a gentle smile of fulfilment tugging at the corners of her mouth.
With the last ounces of her waning strength, Nell reached out a trembling, bloodied hand to clutch at Alistair's fingers. Drawing their joined palms against her hollow cheek, she mouthed the words he would forever endeavour to honour as the twin pinpricks of her eyes found his own:
"Love her, Alistair...our Jennifer. Love her the way I loved you..."
Then her slackened grip fell away, the last vestiges of her luminous spirit flaring incandescent before winking out like a snuffed candle flame.
Alistair nearly crumpled beneath the weight of his recollections, knees threatening to buckle as they lacerated him anew from the inside out. He could somehow still smell the coppery tang of Nell's lifeblood in the musty air - intermingling with the floral, ever-fainting whispers of jasmine and lavender that had perfumed her very essence. God, how he burned to gather her into his arms one final time, as he should have in those waning moments instead of simply gawking in stunned incomprehension at the injustice of her sacrifice.
This vault was a sepulchre entombing his most sacred memories, his most profound and irrevocable failures. Yet still Nell's ravishing vitality seemed to flicker at the periphery of his vision, ethereal and unwavering no matter how many tormented years or grievous derelictions threatened to smother the flame entirely.
A solitary teardrop traced its way down Alistair's furrowed cheek, marking a rivulet through the grime accumulating there. His calloused thumb brushed across the handkerchief almost reverentially as he cradled the final tangible link to the only person who had ever made him feel truly alive.
For an immeasurable span, he remained there amid the vault's musty confines, caught in the corrosive undertow of might-have-been and shouldering the leaden weight of regret.
At last, with a resolute inhalation, Alistair carefully refolded the handkerchief and resealed the casket's lid. He remained there a moment longer, letting Nell's memory - her quiet strength, her boundless capacity for compassion amid their world of privilege and callousness - infuse his being with a renewed resolve toward the daunting path ahead.
After departing from the wretched scene of James's chamber, Thomas felt a profound hollowness settle over him. Alistair's empty promises of compensation and reassurances rang hollow, mere lip service in the wake of such indelible trauma.
Night had fallen by the time Thomas found himself adrift in the shadowed alleyways, his feet propelling him almost of their own volition towards Henry's modest dwelling. He needed...he wasn't sure what he needed. Solidarity, perhaps. Or maybe just the simple comfort of another soul who could appreciate the depthless anguish carving out his insides.
Huddled against the chill spring air, Thomas moved like a wraith through the labyrinthine paths. Vendors had shuttered their stalls for the evening, the entire district enveloped in a haunting stillness that seemed to muffle his every footfall.
He was so lost in his own turmoil that he very nearly collided with the small figure barreling down the adjoining passage. There was a blur of movement, then a dull thump as the child's slight frame bounced off Thomas's legs, tumbling to the hard-packed earth.
"Easy there, lad," Thomas murmured, extending a hand to help the boy to his feet. He swept his gaze over the dishevelled youth, taking in the tousled hair and grubby knees poking through rents in his breeches.
Seemingly unhurt from his stumble, the lad flashed Thomas a toothy grin before scampering off without a word, disappearing around a shadowed corner. Thomas watched him go, a rueful quirk tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the anguish still roiling within.
To be that carefree again, unburdened by life's harsh realities...
Thomas resumed his gait, the interaction already fading from his mind like a forgotten dream. It wasn't until he'd traversed several more blocks that a foreign weight in his pocket gave him pause.
Frowning, he fished around the voluminous folds of his cloak until his fingers closed around a scrap of parchment, crudely folded into a makeshift envelope. Thomas's brow furrowed - had the reckless child perhaps passed this off to him amid their brief encounter?
He carefully unfolded the tattered paper, dread and curiosity mingling in his gut. Then, the breath caught in his throat as he beheld the childlike scrawl adorning the parchment's surface.
It was a drawing any young girl or boy might create - messy brushstrokes rendering unmistakable figures around a hearth. As his gaze raked across the elementary lines and colours, hot tears brimmed in Thomas's eyes.
Seeing those care-worn visages approximated so innocently caused a ragged sob to tear free. He slumped against the cool stone, body shuddering as teardrops pelted the lovingly rendered likeness.
Thomas wept with his entire being, anguished sobs echoing through the alley as he cradled the priceless memento against his chest. Some long-dormant well of grief and regret had finally breached its brittle dam, held at bay for far too long.
In that moment, he would have given anything to go back in time…
At long last, the sobs began subsiding into shuddering hiccups. Thomas swiped his sleeve across his eyes, movements still trembling as the drained husk of sorrow replaced the cathartic deluge.
Dragging a steadying breath into his hollow lungs, Thomas studied the childish rendering one final time. Then, with infinite delicacy, he refolded the parchment and tucked it securely within his cloak's inner breast pocket--as close to his heart as possible.
With a look of grim resolution settling over his features, Thomas straightened and resumed his course towards Henry's home. There would be solace in sharing this unspeakable burden with one who understood the depthless horror of such sacred innocence being despoiled, to be sure.
Yet more than that, there was now a rekindled spark smouldering within Thomas's soul--the first embers of a resolve that could one day transform from a guttering flame into an all-consuming pyre. One that would purge the world of any such profane evil that dared extinguish the light of its most precious souls.