How long had the silence lasted?
It was Jang Ilso who finally broke it. With a sigh, he sat back down and waved his hand dismissively.
"Let's stop, Gakmyung. I don't know why we're growling at each other like this."
Ho Gakmyung looked at Jang Ilso without responding.
"You're right. I did lose my composure a bit, and I was too hasty. But it's not like I'm not thinking at all."
Fatigue was evident on Jang Ilso's bare face.
"The best way to increase our chances is not to cling to something impossible. It's to trample them underfoot as soon as possible."
"..."
"So don't talk as if I've given up completely."
"...Really?"
"Do you think otherwise?"
Jang Ilso questioned, looking straight at Ho Gakmyung with crescent moon-shaped eyes.
Ho Gakmyung closed his eyes. His attitude was gentle, and he had indeed regained some of his lost composure. But Jang Ilso's words were nothing more than a roundabout refusal. Ho Gakmyung, fully aware of this, felt a surge of helplessness.
"If that is what you wish, I will, of course, follow your will."
After a moment of silence, Ho Gakmyung spoke again.
"But, may I ask you one more thing?"
Jang Ilso paused. Normally, he would have easily said, 'You don't need to ask. Just ask anytime.' But now, those words don't come easily. Even though it was something he often said.
"Do you understand?"
Jang Ilso couldn't answer that question. To others, it might have seemed like a vague question, one to laugh off and ignore. But Jang Ilso was silent, as if he had been hit in a vital spot.
"I asked if you were enjoying this because that was our... No, it was your original goal, and I thought it was the path you wanted to take."
Ho Gakmyung's voice became calmer and more composed.
"Do you remember him, the royal advisor?"
"Yes, I remember."
"Even after avenging him with your grace, I always thought of him. Because I couldn't understand. Why would someone who had everything but lacked the time to enjoy it go out of his way to destroy a humble family like ours and create enmity? Why would someone so outstanding do such a foolish thing?"
"..."
"I couldn't understand back then, but at some point, I began to."
"You began to understand?"
"Yes."
"That person?"
Ho Gakmyung nodded silently. A brief curiosity crossed Jang Ilso's face.
"Why? What reason did you discover? Why did that pig trample on your family? Do you think there was any reason beyond greed?"
"...There wasn't."
"Hmm?"
Ho Gakmyung exhaled and shook his head slightly.
"There was no reason from the beginning. Or rather, he didn't need one."
Jang Ilso's expression hardened slightly.
"At some point, wealth ceased to be a means to an end for him and became the goal itself. Even if he couldn't use it all before he died and it rotted in his hands, he had to gather and cling to it."
"..."
"So it didn't matter. Whoever the opponent was, he would kill and rob them just because there was wealth. That's all there was to it."
After staring at Ho Gakmyung for a long time, Jang Ilso opened his mouth.
"Are you saying that I am..."
His mouth closed again. After a moment, Jang Ilso forced the words out.
"...like that pig?"
A cool night breeze slipped in through the crack in the door and flowed between them. Rubbing his cold fingertips, Ho Gakmyung exhaled briefly.
"I'm not saying that. I'm just curious."
"Curious about what?"
"What do you mean when you say you'll put Kangho under your feet before everything becomes meaningless? Whether there is something you must achieve that way or if holding Kangho in your hands itself holds any meaning for you,
"..."
"Yes. That's all. Just..."
Ho Gakmyung, who had been silent for a moment, bowed deeply.
"I will take my leave."
"..."
"Please get some sleep. Even a martial artist has limits to their mental strength."
Ho Gakmyung turned toward the door. At that moment, Jang Ilso called out to him.
"Gakmyung."
Ho Gakmyung stopped walking but didn't turn around. Jang Ilso, looking at his back, struggled to speak.
"If that's true, what will you do?"
"..."
"If I am just like a moth attracted to the flame of Kangho, and if I am a fool who approaches a meaningless flame and burns myself, what will you do? Will you blame me and point fingers at me? Or will you spit on me and turn away, saying I have changed?"
When those words ended, Ho Gakmyung turned around. He then quietly looked at Jang Ilso with his usual calm eyes. Seeing the deep shadows on Ho Gakmyung's unadorned face, Jang Ilso spoke.
"That day."
"..."
"Since the day you granted my insignificant wish, I have never imagined leaving you."
"..."
"If a day comes when you are abandoned by everything in the world and struggling in the worst place, the last person by your side will surely be me."
It was a sufficient answer. But Ho Gakmyung added one more thing to it.
"Because that's what I decided from the beginning."
"..."
"Rest."
Ho Gakmyung bowed deeply and turned to leave the room.
Click.
Jang Ilso, who was staring blankly at the door Ho Gakmyung had just closed, instinctively reached out for the bottle of liquor.
But all his hands encountered were the shattered remains of the bottle and the soaked table.
"Haha."
A self-mocking laugh escaped his faded lips.
"Ha..."
But even that laughter was short-lived. He grasped the broken bottle and the spilled liquor. Sharp shards bit into his hand, mixing dark blood with the clear liquor.
As if unaware of the pain, Jang Ilso slowly moved his gaze to the side.
His face was faintly reflected in a mirror. The once flamboyant and even bizarrely adorned face was nowhere to be seen. All that was left was the image of a man who seemed ready to crumble at any moment.
Cracked lips, deep shadows under his eyes, and an agitated expression.
In the end, he threw the shard in his hand at the mirror. With a clang, the mirror, propped against a lamp, fell to the floor.
"Haha. What a sight!"
Was it really so wrong?
Even when he met Ho Gakmyung in the past, Jang Ilso had been dissatisfied with his life then. He had always wanted to grasp something bigger, something more.
How different is the Jang Ilso of now from the Jang Ilso of then?
Is it so bad to live like a moth?
Even if both wings get burned and he falls into the blazing flames, isn't that still better than living like a pig, busy shoveling filth just to avoid the fire?
He believed so. At least he did.
And now, to survive, they want him to join hands with them?
Jang Ilso clutched his mouth. The thought alone made him nauseous. Just the idea of standing with them made his insides twist.
He understood that it was a possible strategy. But his body rejected it. No, maybe it was his soul that was rejecting it.
An uncontrollable sense of hostility and anger.
He had shattered Shaolin. He had wiped out countless self-righteous individuals with his own hands, yet this burning, almost vengeful hatred would not cool down.
If anything, the more he faced them, the more fiercely it seemed to burn.
"Haha... Hahaha. Gakmyung, Gakmyung."
Ho Gakmyung's words were right. But they were also wrong.
Survival at any cost was Jang Ilso's way. Winning by discarding anything that could be discarded was his way.
But if that'survival,' that 'victory' meant losing what made him Jang Ilso, then what was the point?
The moment he stood with them just to survive, he would be no different from those he despised the most. How could Ho Gakmyung not see that?
"Gakmyung..."
Jang Ilso, who had been laughing, slowly slumped into his chair. Looking up at the ceiling, his eyes were filled with a deep sense of futility.
"Why..."
His eyes slowly closed. The image of Ho Gakmyung's eyes from earlier lingered in his mind like a brand.
A faint disappointment, a peculiar distrust, and a slowly building anger.
Those small, mixed emotions boiled over in his gaze, making Jang Ilso feel as heavy as if he were soaked with water.
A strange sense of déjà vu.
Despite the impossibility, those eyes seemed familiar, making Jang Ilso's fingertips tremble.
'Gakmyung...'
Nothing has changed. He has not changed at all.
If there is something to be gained, he will get it. He will never foolishly let go of what he can have now for an uncertain future.
Beside the softly breathing Jang Ilso, a small lamp flickered weakly.
"Commander."
Ho Gakmyung brushed past the people, greeting them with a cold breeze.
The expressions of those who greeted him changed slightly, but such things didn't even register in Ho Gakmyung's eyes.
'Ryeonju-nim.'
Ho Gakmyung unknowingly bit his lip.
- Hahaha. That expression is priceless. Don't look so sad. Dying like this has its own charm, doesn't it?
Jang Ilso had once said that in the crisis atop the cliff of a hundred thousand feet.
The Jang Ilso he knew was always overflowing with composure. He laughed even when his neck was about to be cut and never let go of the last possibility, even when Ho Gakmyung saw no way out.
And he was someone who would never change.
But if Ho Gakmyung saw a different Jang Ilso now, what went wrong? Where did it go wrong?
Was the future Jang Ilso faced so heavy? So much so that even he couldn't maintain himself?
No. That couldn't be.
Even if the sky fell, Jang Ilso would laugh heartily. He wouldn't collapse, even in the face of inescapable despair.
Then why?
"Why..."
In the end, Ho Gakmyung mumbled aloud, almost in pain.
Nothing has changed.
Even if Jang Ilso did things he couldn't understand, Ho Gakmyung would support him with all his might. Even if it cost his life.
There was not an ounce of falsehood in that.
If Jang Ilso fell into hell, Ho Gakmyung would still be by his side.
Ho Gakmyung just wished that Jang Ilso could smile even in that hell. He'd rather see him smile in hell than cry in heaven. That was the Jang Ilso he knew.
Eek.
Ho Gakmyung bit his lip until it bled, his eyes hardening.
Now he could understand. He finally understood.
"It's different. No, it was different all along."
Even if they were looking at the same place, what Ho Gakmyung sought to achieve was different from what Jang Ilso sought to achieve.
If that was the case...
Ho Gakmyung quickly headed towards his office, wiping the blood from his lips with his thumb. Before the cold wind of dawn could cover the rising sun.