"So, What exactly is it that makes you hot for the two of them?" Tanya pushed.
"Look, I'm not sure myself," I replied.
My hand fidgeted over the corkscrew before pulling it loose from the neck of the bottle. Mimosas was needed after last night. I tried acting as if I were bold enough and capable of doing it, and my inexperience ruined it. It was early morning when I awoke, and I left before they realized I was gone. I wasn't ready to face the embarrassment of last night. At the crack of dawn, I called Tanya to get me, and she was there. This woman is the closest thing I have to family. I can rely on her for anything and vice versa. We had just gotten back, and instantly, she started grilling me about the situation.
"I know I enjoy it," I started as my hands poured the small amount of orange juice atop the champagne.
"I can tell," she smirked, "I mean, look at you. The walk of shame never looked so hot."
I glanced in the mirror aside to reveal one hell of a sight. My long hair was wild and unbrushed, my bra hanging out the side of my tank top, and my tiny unbuttoned shorts revealed my black lace underwear. Luckily, I'm not a makeup girl, so I didn't have it running down my face like most other women.
"Fair," I surrendered while making my way over to her.
"Mine!" she hollered before swiping one of the glasses from my grasp, "I earned it. Saved you from your humiliation."
"Yes," I agreed, "If I'm being honest, I'm not sure I'm fully into it. I'm trying new things I've never done before, and yesterday, it became a bit overwhelming."
I managed to choke it all out before downing my entire glass and another.
"At least breathe in between chugs," she giggled.
I glared at her, "Really not funny."
"Oh, come on!" she hissed, "Look, it's going to feel scary and exciting and many other things along the way."
She was right. Not long ago, none of this mattered to me. Lately, that's all I can think about. Why? It's not that they are on my mind. Sex is. Not necessarily with them, either. What was wrong with me? Eric is looking delicious lately.
"I mean, they are nice. I am attracted to them both, but I like Eric too," I confessed; admittedly, the champagne was kicking in. I get an urge for him."
"An urge?" she cocked a brow, "An urge?"
"Yes, an urge," I repeated.
"You're a horny little bitch aren't you?" she laughed.
I swatted her arm, "Fuck you!"
Her laughter was so out of control I began to giggle myself. I sound full of myself, but I have no reason not to.
"What do I do?!" I exaggerated.
"Just feel it," she sighed, "Look, everyone feels differently towards situations. Shitty, but true," she placed her hand on mine, and I locked eyes with her. There was a motherly love in her eyes, "The point is, it's yours to experience and yours to feel."
An overflow of emotions engulfed me. Before I could react, tears welled up in my eyes, and I blinked them down my cheek, "It's not easy."
"It never is," she confessed, "With time and experience, it gets easier to handle, but it never is easy."
"Fuck! Why does it have to be so hard sometimes," I wiped away the temporary tears before releasing a mournful sigh, "I feel so fucked up, but then I don't. I don't feel bad about what I've done, but part of it feels-" I broke off, "Ugh! I don't know! I get to that part, and it gets so frustrating."
Her hand rubbed mine comfortingly, "I know. I get the same way still."
"Ugh!" I whimpered before throwing my head back, "Fuck me!"
Tanya took a slug from her glass, "I believe that's what got you into this mess."
"Fuck off!" I tried to be insulted, but a smile overtook my lips.
We both began to laugh hysterically. This is such a ridiculous situation, and I'm in it.
"So, what should I do about Eric?" I asked as the sun peaked over the horizon.
"Let's go to your balcony thingy first," she sighed.
I grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and followed her. She seized the orange juice and the champagne bottle before making her way out. The chill in the air was refreshing as we both slumped on the hard sofa I had outside. It was outdoor material so that it could have been cleaner and more comfortable, but it worked. As I tossed the blanket over us, Tanya took a swig from the bottle before handing it to me.
"I can't tell you what to do," she started, "But I will say do what you want. You can only learn from mistakes if you make them, and if you don't."
A slight breeze awakened my senses, "What if I break his heart?"
We both sat there in silence. The warm honey orange danced across the early morning sky, and a beautiful breeze accompanied the sound of traffic down below. Almost an eternity passed before Tanya took another swig from the bottle and broke the silence.
"Look, Ivy," she started, "He took the initiative; he put himself out there, so it'll hurt him either way. Whether it be his pride or ego, it sucks, but sometimes people get hurt. You can't control how they feel. You can only control yourself."
I could almost feel the tears welling up again before taking another chug myself, "I'll regret it if I don't try."
She gave me a loving look, "I'll be here for you."
"I know," I smiled.
She seized the champagne bottle from my grasp and finished its contents," That's why I brought the other."
A laugh erupted from my throat, "Is it bad that I just wanna fuck him?"
Her eyes widened as the cork flew from the bottle. Both of us yelped, followed by laughter as foam spewed everywhere. " I wasn't expecting that!"
"You dumbass!" I laughed.
"Well, I wasn't expecting that," she repeated, "Um, I don't know. He's hot. I'd fuck him."
"I didn't ask that," I chuckled.
"Well, I never looked at him that way, but I think you'd be pleasantly surprised," she answered.
"How so?"
"He knows you, and the chemistry is stronger there. I could see it."
I choked on my champagne, "I'm sorry?"
"I saw you with both of them on separate occasions, remember?" she said.
"Oh, right," I nodded.
"Yeah, your moans show it, too," she added.
"Okay, thank you," I rushed along, "Now that I know that."
She took a chug from the bottle, and foam erupted from her mouth, causing us to laugh again.
"Now I'm hungry," she stated.
"And?" I looked at her dumbfoundedly.
"Take me for breakfast, bitch!" she demanded.
"What-"
"My fee for grabbing your ass at the break of dawn this morning," she interrupted.