Hentai Shinobi Rule 29: If she breathes, she's a thot.
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"Woah," a somewhat amused gasp escaped Kai's lips as he took in the Konoha Hospital's antiseptic scent with a beaming smile. A puckish and curious glint sharpened his dark pupils as he watched the sunset cast a dim, dark amber glow on the masked shinobi near the entrance. The chilly weather ensured the sunset's attention did not turn the masked shinobi into a blessed, warm figure but a cold, somewhat eerie statue.
The knowledge of why the Hokage had an Anbu stationed in the Hospital wasn't something a genin like Kai had access to. Tsunade hadn't revealed anything about a scandalous matter either. So, Kai curbed his curiosity and refrained from poking the typical example of a beehive since the Anbu didn't need shit to detain any Shinobi they deemed suspicious.
How scary~!
So, Kai turned to the two new visitors with a wicked grin. The genin had noticed them a few steps behind and knew it was their time to shine.
"Right there, Anbu-san! These two are the thieves!" Kai pointed at the two boys, peeking nervously at the intimidating Anbu. Despite the chilly weather, the shinobi's attire added nothing to their cut-sleeved shirt and grey flak jacket. The sword strapped on the man's back and the quiet look directed to the duo—possible siblings—immediately made them clutch each others' hands and break down crying.
"Such a shame," Kai giggled. He promised he wouldn't touch the bee hive. So, he settled for waving the distant torch to annoy it instead. "Anbu-san shouldn't scare little children."
The boy walked with his hands behind his head in a careless posture despite the quiet glare drilling into his back.
What was the masked cunt going to do?
Detain a kid?
Well, Kai was intrigued by how that would end. He could predict his seniors lecturing him about being respectful to others at worst or cutting him off from the sweet SP supply line in the form of missions for disciplinary actions at best. Yep, those agenda-riddled lectures were just the worst.
The Will of Fire? Psshht.
Hashirama Senju's wife sassed about the man maintaining and unleashing Wood Release on some boy toy, and his granddaughter gambled a significant share of her estates and inheritances away. That was the Great Konohagakure Dream—Twinks and Gambling Addiction.
Kai calmly walked down the stairs since the first basement level was open to visitors with passes, something he got from Orochimaru on his birthday.
The shinobi aspirant soon appeared before Orochimaru's office as he knocked—
"Enter, Kai-Kun."
Okay, what was with the power move?
Kai restrained his urge to roll his eyes. No, that would come after he gets his gift from the man. So, Kai twisted the doorknob and opened the door before entering the lab. The youth's body briefly paused when he took the first step as he glanced at the zesty Jonin bending over the table and reaching for a distant scroll. Huffing, Kai closed the door and watched Orochimaru straighten his back.
"Welcome, Kai-Kun," The man smiled, gently squinting his slitted eyes. Of course, that image melted the next second as Kai turned to his left and looked at Orochimaru—dressed in his white lab coat—writing gibberish on the whiteboard.
"Admirable instincts," Orochimaru paused and looked away from his work. He capped the blue marker and turned on his heels to regard the boy with scrutinizing yellow-slitted eyes. "I'd wager you got better at sensing Genjutsu illusions."
"You think so?" Kai smirked without betraying any emotion save of mockery. "Must have been the work of my incredible father that banged my mom. Genes, right?"
"On the contrary," Orochimaru smiled as he approached his desk and bent over it—as Kai rolled his eyes internally—before pulling a tiny box from the top drawer. "Mediocre families tend to seed generational talents, too." The man strolled to Kai before stuffing the palm-sized box into the boy's hands. "You might be one such example, but certainly not the first or the last of your kind."
"Orphans?" Kai blinked as Orochimaru didn't bother hiding the bland look in response to the humor and replied dryly.
"No. Talents. And your gift is inside that box. I bred 'her' from two ordinary samples and picked the most impressive specimen from all the options."
Kai glanced at Orochimaru before quietly pulling up the lid. His gaze fell on the whitest 'thing' ever resting in a small bed of artificial grass.
It was barely the size of Kai's middle finger but thinner, capable of coiling into the cutest thing Kai had ever laid his eyes upon, including Kushina. As if sensing Kai's presence and awe-struck gaze, the finger-long, thin, pure white snake lifted its tiny head and issued a hiss softer than Tsunade's husky whispers against his ear. Kai almost vowed eternity of servitude to the magnificent specimen the second it slipped its minuscule pink tongue following the hiss.
"What is it?" Kai didn't bother asking whether the creature was venomous and stuck his index finger into the box.
"One of my creations," answered Orochimaru as he watched Kai's reactions with a quiet amusement. "I don't have a name for its species. However, this snake will never increase in size or age."
Kai flinched and reluctantly looked away from the pale pink eyes of the white toothpick.
"Unaging?"
"A projection of a dream of mine," Orochimaru explained softly. "I suppose my dream is as ridiculous as yours, Kai-Kun." The man watched the white snake coil around the finger and climb onto Kai's palm before coiling and resting. "It's as selfish as your desires. You dream of taming and conquering beautiful women for your harem. I intend to tame the very nature of chakra and everything possible under its existence—to learn and master all Jutsu."
Kai inclined his head and looked at the man.
"Uh, are you high?"
Orochimaru blinked in surprise, not expecting such a response. "Pardon me?"
"Who said anything about conquering anyone?" Kai shrugged. "Where's the fun in that? And if I can't enjoy it, there wasn't a point in pursuing this since the beginning." The boy grinned. "I just want a harem with hot babes who like me for who I am. Well, it doesn't matter if they are hot. Transformation Jutsu is a thing, isn't that right, Cinnamon?"
Kai giggled and gently brushed the tip of his finger against the snake's head.
"Cinnamon?" Orochimaru lifted an eyebrow while reassessing the boy.
"Yep," Kai asserted. "Look at her. She existed to be named Cinnamon. My Cinnamon~!"
Orochimaru fell silent before chuckling.
"I'm glad you enjoyed my present."
"Oh, it's the best one!" Kai snickered. "So, I wish you well in fulfilling your dream. Be sure to have fun along the way."
The boy didn't wait for Orochimaru's response, giggling about showing Cinnamon off to Tsume, Kushina, Mikoto, and others.
Orochimaru shook his head before letting a small smile on his face.
"Having fun?" He repeated this phrase. "I don't have the years for that."
The man turned around and glanced at the cluttered yet empty research lab. He thinned his lips and got back to work.
'I can at least prolong the inevitable with the new formula,' the Jonin fished a flask and emptied a bottle of deep green capsules into his mouth compared to the previous creamy purple pills. "I have Tsunade to thank for this. She really went above and beyond to develop this for me after hearing a few symptoms and taking my blood sample."
Alas, Orochimaru couldn't be truthful about it with Tsunade or anyone.
He couldn't reveal the source of his issues. The recent demise of the research team in the Third Level further instilled a sense of unease in every skilled Shinobi.
These were the signs leading to chaotic times.
<<<>>>
Unlike the Elementary Taijutsu Skill Tree—graced with a lone skill—not even being an actual skill tree, the Elementary Bukijutsu Skill Tree had things Kai could learn from. So, he picked two of the most obvious options for his current training and progressed in his options after a few days of missions.
[Leaf Snapping Fist (C) (1→3/15): The guide to the defensive and offensive taijutsu employed by all of Konoha's Shinobi in some manner unless armed with unique—and rarely—better Taijutsu. Mastering this skill assists the shinobi their entire lifetime and is well-optimized to be incorporated with other bukijutsu. Adds one stat to physique at every level {If Physique<200.}
Next Level: Perform the recorded kata 126/162 times {Active Title: Konoha's Genin} or 5 SP.]
The lack of next skill evolution was a worrisome prospect since it implied that other skills—better taijutsu—were locked away under different social titles or skill trees.
Contrary to Taijutsu, Bukijutsu had a lot to offer Kai.
[Senbon Throwing Art (E) (11/15): Learn to stab the enemy at their weakest by sniping thick needles when they least expect. This skill improves the body's coordination and perception so the lighter Senbons can perform precise snipes.
Next Level: Aim 200/207 precise snipes {Active Title: Konoha's Genin} or 1 SP.
Skill Evolution: Multiple Senbon Taijutsu (D) (0/15); Chakra Enhanced Bukijutsu (B) (0/5)]
[Multiple Senbon Taijutsu (D) (0/15) (Locked)
Unlocking Conditions: 2 SP; Mastered Skill: Konoha Basic Taijutsu (E) (10/10)]
Needless to say, Kai picked Senbons over chained sickles and swords due to Minato's gift. However, Kai wondered why there weren't any other weapons besides kunai, shuriken, senbon, chained sickle, and sword. It could be because these weapons are mainstream in Konoha compared to axes, hammers, maces, and more. What about broadswords, spears, lances, and other longer weapons?
Perhaps not very shinobi-like?
Then again, Tsunade's unreasonable output wasn't very shinobi-like either. So, Kai believed that the popularity of weapons had some play in it. As for Taijutsu, Kai suspected it was either his previous theory of the taijutsu locked behind better titles or… the acceptance that there were only so many ways to use the body as a weapon.
However, Kai hoped for better Jonins devised a few skills to stay ahead of their opponents.
"You're distracted!"
Kai issued a gentle smile to Mikoto.
"Because I can afford to be distracted." He avoided the disastrous kick to his balls and swiftly planted his feet against the girl's waist, sending her a few steps flying despite the weight bearing on his body.
Mikoto slowly sat up with an annoyed scowl, which deepened when Kai wasn't there to help her up but playing with a tiny snake slithering out of his sleeves.
"You're lucky I'm not using my Sharingan." Mikoto pouted. It's not like that would have been easy. Kai somehow matched her despite the Sharingan, so Mikoto refused to sully her dojutsu's honor anymore.
"Here!" Tsunade shouted as Kai's head whipped to face the round board tossed in his direction. Kai and Mikoto instantly struck with senbons and kunais each.
*Tink*
*Tink*
*Tink*
*Tink*
One senbon and two kunais landed on the board as a smile returned on Mikoto's face. Of course, all that smugness faded once she recalled Kai was learning a new weapon and might have had a better result with kunais.
"Again!" Tsunade commanded as Kai glanced at the regathering Mikoto before rushing the Uchiha. A red shadow rocketed out of the bushes of Training Ground 3 as Kai narrowed his eyes, catching an imaginably clear look at Kushina's broad grin before stepping sideways. The girl didn't stop and instead attacked Mikoto.
Kai's gaze darted around before he entered the fray.
This three-way battle was how Tsunade trained them on Mondays and Fridays whenever the Training Ground was available to their team.
Team Tsunade accepted the evening slots and let Team 6 use the ground in the morning and afternoon since her team covered two D-rank missions daily during the day. The rules were simple—no jutsu and plain hands. So, it wasn't honor but these rules that held Mikoto back from using the Sharingan.
Still, it was in the girls' favor since Kai could destroy them by transforming himself into different animals or flying high in the sky. Such annoying skills prompted the girls to flag down Mito, Tsunade, or any other known senior to learn more about different animals and the best ways to transform into them. Naturally, after a few queries, they set their eyes on Kai and realized that others did not invest as much time into Transformation Jutsu as Kai did.
Sure, Tsunade was intimate with slugs and knew how to transform into different species of slugs. It was the same for Orochimaru with snakes and Jiraiya with toads.
However, Kai was the freaky one to learn about many of these animals.
The other thing Tsunade noticed was the girls eventually discarded their inherent notions of being in a better position than Kai. Their previous display allowed Tsunade to understand that the girls adored Kai and his talent. However, they hadn't fully realized how Kai outclassed them.
These spars and seeing his passion in D-rank missions served to root out the issue of the girls thinking their clan positions mattered hot shit because they didn't—not against freaks like Kai. The remaining embers of pity and patronization in the girls for Kai's 'low' beginnings remained no more. They gave their all to learn, grow, and try to surpass Kai.
Tsunade's smile broadened when she saw Kushina and Mikoto pestering Kai about a few more tips for transformation jutsu. So, the Senju-Sensei also perked her attention and eavesdropped.
Hey, nobody said Tsunade couldn't learn something from freaks of nature, too. Besides, she was too awesome in her time to learn more about transforming into other things.
"—and eventually, you can even do cool shit like this," Kai's grin broadened as a plume of smoke covered his being before revealing the same Kai.
No.
Not same.
The three girls watched in amazement as Kai stood with a proud smirk and hands akimbo. His chest puffed out at the attention.
"So?" He wagged his brows as the dark brown—the same color as his ear—fuzzy ears stretched out from the sides of his face and replaced his fleshy ears. The triangular appendages stood straight through Kai's slightly droopy bangs, and the trio couldn't help but gaze at the creamy floof within the dog's ears.
Kai turned, and Kushina gasped loudly, seeing a thick brown, cream-ended dog tail.
"I'm still new to all this," Kai lied. He had to keep pretenses. "But this new jutsu mixes different animal features as long as I don't screw the match-up. Well, even if I do, the jutsu cancels out without harm. You guys can—"
Kai stopped and looked at a hand gently patting his swishing tail. He gazed at the offending redhead, who was too engrossed to care about her surroundings as she continued petting his tail.
Kai moved his tail to the right, and Kushina moved right.
He flipped the tail to the left, and Kushina slid left.
"Woah! Pretty realistic."
A figure flickered ahead of Kai as he turned his head. His face was embedded into the accommodating bust. They were too warm and smelled too nice to move away from. Of course, Kai held the urge to moan when he felt Tsunade's soft fingers gently rubbing the tips of his dog ears. They were the real deal! Not the tits, but Kai's ears and tail.
So, Kai almost melted when he felt an exceptionally caring pair of hands massaging his right ear, leaving Tsunade with the left and Kushina with his tail.
"What do you think, Mikoto?" Tsunade questioned, and Kai heard a soft, awe-struck gasp.
"These were made for Kai-chan," Mikoto breathed weirdly, and Kai's ears twitched. After all, the girl was a head taller, and her warm breath tickled his fuzzy appendages.
Kai's breath hitched when all the rubbing and Tsunade's warm chest made him feel good.
*Poof*
Kai disappeared from the dangerous Petmurda Triangle and stood far on a lone branch without any leaves.
He panted and fought hard to keep the red from his face, failing spectacularly so. Kai barked as he pointed at the two dangerous devils.
"Never do that again!" Kai snapped.
"Eh? Why?" Kushina threw a fit. "That was so cute! Why'd you keep it from us until now?!"
"I said no!" The boy worked his jaw before scoffing.
"How will we learn if not by demonstration?" Mikoto unintentionally struck a weird nerve while imploring the boy's academic fascination. Kai's expression turned gloomier while Tsunade struggled not to laugh!
"Never!"
"I refuse your refusal!" Kushina pointed back. "Now turn into doggy-kai-chan, and let's compare whether you're cuter than Kuromaru."
"Nevah!"
Mikoto frowned and sighed. "We understand." Her shoulders sagged as Kai nodded in relief. "Good."
"We'll just ask Minato to try learning this jutsu and transform his ears into different animal ears for us to learn," Mikoto shook her head.
Kai's relieved smile froze before he eyes the two grinning devils.
Now, Kai knew it was a bluff. Mikoto and Kushina hadn't revealed a thing Kai talked to them about. Sure, most of it was nonsense. However, Kai didn't need affirmations. They were his besties—the bros.
But whatever his body reacted to was definitely weird, and Kai did not like that.
'It could also be her fault,' Kai glanced at the amused Tsunade.
Besides, Minato was the best rival. Kai's trait was the sole reason he was ahead of the blonde—
Fuck that. Kai just felt something was wrong. His intuitions for empathy, no matter how dull, blared loud alarms that he couldn't just accept Mikoto's words. He'd delve into details later. However, now was the time to make a statement.
Ugh.
Why couldn't he have other gaming skills like quick save and load as a trait? Kai could have seen his choices' results and loaded back to the saving point had they been unfavorable.
"Let's not be hasty," Kai frowned and cleared his throat. "You two are allowed to inspect the transformations individually."
Kai flatly glared when Mikoto and Kushina didn't even bother to wait until his back turned to them to giggle and high-five each other.
"And?" Tsunade lifted an eyebrow.
"And what?" Kai blinked before giggling. He didn't have to hold back after the girls violated his privacy and innocent heart so thoroughly. "You can touch me anytime, Tsunade-Sensei~!"
Tsunade scoffed and rolled her eyes. 'At least he isn't feeling weird anymore.' The woman noted with an internal smile before she glanced at Mikoto and Kushina.
"Let's keep training. You three can practice more of this jutsu."
"Eh? What about you?" Kai questioned. "You should also get a chance to rub my ears, Tsunade-Sensei!"
The three girls offered Kai a bland stare as he shrugged. He had to try.
"Maybe later," Tsunade responded. The Senju was more than gleeful, letting the trio get more academic.
It only meant she wouldn't feel a headache after depositing all the medical books they had to study.
These were fortunate turn of events.
'Still, this partial transformation has potential. It would be like Orochimaru's unique substitution jutsu.' Tsunade flickered away with a giddy heart. 'Or my Body Pathway Derangement. Should I find more anatomical books for Kai?' The thought grew rooted in her realization that Kai would take to the written material and apply it in no time.
His records gave Tsunade no doubts of that fact.
'Dog ears,' Tsunade mischievously smirked. 'Maybe I should tell Kai Grandma would love to see him in fox ears since foxes are her favorite animals. Kekekeke~!'
Who said only kids could prank?
This opportunity was too good to be ignored. Tsunade would have to be present for the moment, too. Maybe after Minato's birthday? Kai intended to take a break from missions that day—the only rest he decided to take in the entire month.
He had to.
It was Minato's Birthday. Nobody would ever catch Minato playing with Kai's innocent soul.
***
Alternate Title: SNEK!; A Cool Anbu Chilling In An Unnatural Habitat; Kai: I Won't Poke The Bee Hive *Proceeds To Poke a Bear And Leads The Bear To Beehive, Destroying Said Beehive*; Kai And Orphans Are Hands On Sight; Some Random Kid Chilling Without Parental Supervision *Kai Appears From The Shadowrealm To Ruin His Day*; Kai Is The Asshole Who Calls Goku On Kids That Survived Can—*Author Got Cancelled For Too Dark Of a Humor*; Final Birthday Gift; Zesty Ass Orochimaru; Oh, No. Orochimaru's Disease Is Working Up—*Author Got Cancelled Again*; The Genius Boy; Orochimaru Really Showing Ass In Genjutsu AND Reality *Why Does It Look So Perky Tho?*; Kai *In Later Chapters*: Would; CINNAMON; The Best Character Is Here; Cinnamon Doesn't Need Screentime To Be The Best; Are You The Best Because You're Cinnamon, or Are Your Cinnamon Because You're The Best?; The Best Gift; Cinnamon Exists *Kai Yoinks It From The Depths Of Darkness*; Kushina Finally Upstaged; Oh, No. Kai Is Now The Cutest; The Sparring Matches; Mikoto: I'm Bound By Honor To Not Use Sharingan *Her Record With Sharingan: 3:14*; The Girls Lock On *Kai: Stop Looking At My Tail*; Kai Felt Things; Something Snapped Within Kai; *Insert Something Snapped Meme*; Kai Unintentionally Corrupted Them More; The Floof Rizz; Tsunade Happy To See Things Evolve Before Dumping Medical Books; Tsunade's Master Prank; Kai: Fox Years? Say Less *Accidentally Nuts On Real Mito*; Kai: Touch Me All You Want, Darling *Turns To Other Two Goblins: Not You. You Only Touch Gobbu Kai With Permission*; Kushina Really Called Kai Her Doggo And Rolled With It; Menacing Kushina: Now On Your Knees *Mikoto Tweaks Out Before Rushing To Her Bedroom… For Things*; Orochimaru's Power Move: Bending Over For Submissive Plap Plap; Orochi's Disease; Tsunade Is a Real Friend and a Top-Tier Non-Groomer; Tsunade Going Out of a Limb For Orochi's Medicines *Orochi Returns The Favor By Helping In The Non-Grooming*; Orochi's Dream; Kai: Having Fun Is The Best Thing About Dreams; Kai's Luffy Arc; Kai: I Don't Wanna Conquer. I Just Wanna Bang; The D Family Approach; Kai's Du Pont Approach; Kai Bows To Cinnamon: You're Muh Queen. I Dun Wanit!; Kai Casually Creating Weak Points By Forming Dog Ears. Everyone Knows Dogs Are Weak To Petting! *Kai: Well, I LOVED it*; Mikoto Used a Pro Gamer Move; Kai: Only I'm The Dog-Eared One *Throws Hands With His Cutie Patootie Minato When Seeing Blonde Dog Ears On The Boy's Head*; Kai Unlocked Advanced Harem Senses
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