Chapter 31 - Florida Man Attempts to Fix Home Water System, Creates Abominable Pipework That Transforms Into a Decepticon. Plumbers Pool Money to Hire Inquisitors.
In the end, Felix opened the door and welcomed Jane to her new home. As an apology for saying mean things, he held their little private meeting in the bedroom… until the next day's morning.
…
6 AM in the morning, Felix woke up and surveyed the mess they had made. Jane was still out of commission on the wet bed, soaked by their bodily fluids. Her wedding dress and undergarments lay on the floor while Felix's clothes were nearby.
Because of the smell, he opened the windows to ventilate the house. He bought a mop and cleaning tools, then began removing the stains.
An hour later, the wooden floor was sparkling clean, but the bucket of water was full of smelly fluid. He brought it to the bathroom, planning to discard it in the drainage. But when he arrived, he discovered an inconvenient fact about this world.
There was no drainage system. The bathroom had nothing but a large wooden bathtub, and the toilet was still an ancient pit covered by a wooden seat.
Felix's hygiene instincts revolted. Without hesitation, he browsed the system shop, searching for toilet wares and a proper water system.
Unfortunately, everything was expensive, costing 200 mana or more per piece. Felix put all items in the shopping cart to calculate the prices and was stunned.
15,000 mana!
He didn't have enough!
Felix glanced at his status menu and pouted.
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Name: Felix Ariel
Age: 18/734
Bloodline: [Unknown]
Element Affinity: Fire, Metal, Void
Authorized Level: Super Democracy Pass (F)
Level: 9
Energy: 5,579/5,579
Mana: 2,660
Innate Talent: Flame Lungs
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With 2,660 mana to spend, Felix could no longer afford to squander his resources on trivial items. He sulked, wanting to grab a smoke, but couldn't.
Fortunately, there was an alternate currency, which was worth more than mana. Jessica reminded him once again.
"…I have WUT?!"
Felix was so surprised his expression turned into a shocked Jojo character. He rechecked his age and noticed that his maximum age surpassed 700 years.
"Since when…?"
"…"
Rechecking the shopping cart, Felix noticed the payment option below the checkout button. He could choose to pay with either mana or lifespan.
Ticking the lifespan option, the price changed from 15,000 mana to 15 years of lifespan!
It was a lot cheaper!
Felix smacked his forehead. He wished he had known about this feature earlier. He could have saved 3,000 mana and spent three years of lifespan instead when he furnished his house.
It was too late to regret. Felix shook the thoughts away and drafted a plan for the house's water supply.
…
At the back of Felix's new home, an abandoned 20-square-meter backyard was full of tall grasses and weeds. However, this posed no issue to the new owner. Being creative, Felix extended his hands and thought about storing the vegetation in his inventory, converting it into mana.
The tall grasses vanished, leaving behind a few rats and snakes. The pests panicked and ran in every direction, heading toward the neighbors' backyards beyond the surrounding wooden fences.
Felix didn't stop the rats and snakes. He touched the ground and patted it several times while imagining himself as a protagonist of Minecraft. A layer of dirt and soil vanished, creating a shallow cubic pit.
Measuring the depth, it was roughly 10 inches deep and one foot in width and length. Felix continued scraping the surface of his backyard, removing necessary dirt, stones, soils, and random man-made trash. In just a few minutes, he cleaned the backyard, leaving the fences untouched.
But Felix wasn't finished with the digging. He brought out a measuring tape, which he had bought yesterday along with the generator. Using it to learn his backyard's dimensions, Felix drafted a plan in his mind and glanced at a magical item in the system store that could drastically improve his quality of life.
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Inventory Septic Tank
Price: 10,000 mana or ten years of lifespan
Description: This septic tank's storage can be linked with any system user's inventory. When linked, all content inside is stored until it is full, then transferred to the owner's available inventory slot as a compressed sewer waste cube.
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It seemed expensive, but it was necessary as Felix's house didn't have a water drainage system. He chose a spot near the house's foundation and began digging by collecting cubes of soil into his inventory. Then, he purchased the septic tank.
The septic tank came with an installation guidebook. Felix read the manual while he dropped the tank into the empty hole. Minutes later, he sweated profusely.
Not only did Felix have no experience in plumbing, but he was also a novice in handiwork. Upon reading about home plumbing systems and the installation processes, Felix wanted to tear down the house and construct it from scratch as it was a lot of work.
'My god. How many holes do I have to drill to get this done? Should I just buy a freaking expensive modern bathroom and be done with it? What does it cost… God dammit! A thousand years of lifespan?! Are you kidding?! Meh, fine. I'll do this the hard way!'
The task seemed daunting, but Felix kept pushing on. Preparing for hot and cold water, Felix purchased several copper pipes even though they cost more per length and size. Then, he went back to the house's bathroom and began drilling holes for the pipelines. But in the end, he peeled the entire flooring and drilled the ground to connect the new drainage system to the septic tank.
Because Felix went overboard, he had no choice but to purchase something to replace the wooden floor of the bathroom. He started by removing another layer of old dirt. Then, he paved it with gravel and sand, which he acquired from the shop. After laying the foundation, Felix searched for a cement product as he needed to pave the floor.
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Waterproof Nano Cement
Price: 10,000 mana or ten years of lifespan per 50kg bag
Description: This nano cement is the pinnacle construction material of the cement line. The smart nano add-ons function the same as a golem core, giving life to the solidified cement. Once the cement takes shape, it will automatically maintain its form. Whenever it is damaged, the cement can absorb mana or Qi from the environment to repair itself.
Warning: Nano cement dries within one hour after it is laid.
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Reading the description, Felix smirked. As a newbie, he didn't care how fast the cement would dry. After all, he only wanted to finish his job as quickly as possible.
'Alright. I'll take this! I remember that I have to mix cement with sand, gravel, and water to use. This will be easy!'
That was what he thought.
…
An hour later, Felix's expression turned dark as he gazed at his creation.
Felix had used up 50kg worth of cement to pave the floor. The final result was flat and smooth. The slope was also right as the floor inclined toward the drainage pipe.
However, there was one issue. At the corner of the bathroom where Felix had installed a copper drainage pipe, there were two eyeballs of the cement golem, looking at its creator. Its mouth merged with the drainage pipe, slightly moving as it uttered its tongue language.
"CEMENT!" the cement golem uttered, smiling at Felix.
"…"
Felix stared at the weird cement golem with dull eyes. He felt like he had created something blasphemous in the bathroom.
"SEMEN!"
"Screw you! Cement, not semen!"
"CEMENT, ME! SEMEN, YOU!"
"…"
Felix had a headache.