Chapter 34 - Florida Woman Denies Accusations of Jiggling Mannequin's Balls. Her Husband Jiggles "HERS" Instead.
The house was fully constructed in 15 minutes as promised. Felix was stunned. He looked up, wondering how the theme park water slide and a swimming pool would fit the small space. Curious, he entered the house to explore the new renovation. Jane followed behind him.
Entering the front door, they were greeted by cool wind from the air conditioners. Both Jane and Felix stood still, staring at the spacious interior in disbelief. Then, they left the house to measure the exterior width and depth as something didn't add up. The interior space was larger than the actual size of the house.
Felix recalled that Yao Qiqi mentioned something about non-Euclidean geometry. Typing in the chat, he asked the saleswoman, "Why is the inside bigger than the outside?"
[We've added a space distortion array for you, dear customer. Although the land is smaller than one acre, the formation array distorts the space within the house and stretches it to one acre.]
Felix was horrified, "Wait, will my body stretch as well if I live in there?!"
[The formation array only stretches spaces, not objects or living beings. It is safe to live inside. Oh, we've noticed that you purchased a golem from us when we renovated your house. We will return it to you.]
"What?"
Remembering the annoying cement floor eyeballs, Felix had goosebumps. He didn't want it back.
"Can you take it away? I don't want it."
[…We've already returned it.]
"…"
Felix closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He prayed that it wouldn't scare Jane and his future customers.
Unfortunately, his prayer came too late as the golem in question noticed Felix and made its appearance. A square wall with two large eyeballs, two small arms, and two legs walked toward the entrance. Its copper pipe mouth extended from the surface, stretching one foot forward.
"SEMEN!" the cement golem pointed its finger at Felix and called him.
Felix wanted to cry, "You stupid wall…"
"I, CEMENT! ME, CEMENT!"
"…"
The golem tried to leave the store, but the door was too small for it to go outside. Narrowing its eyes, it shapeshifted into a humanoid muscular concrete golem with gray skin and no face. Then, it strolled outside.
As soon as the golem emerged, the townspeople screamed in horror and ran away. Jane also shrieked and grabbed Felix's arm, pulling him and trying to run away with her husband. The observing soldiers shouted and raised their weapons.
"MONSTER!"
"PREPARE TO BATTLE!"
Meanwhile, Felix rolled his eyes. He freed his arm from Jane's grasp and walked toward the golem. Then, he patted its head and pushed it down, forcing it to bow to everybody.
"Relax, people!" Felix announced. "This stupid monster is my familiar. I made it to protect my house. It may be an obnoxious foul-mouthed son-of-a-beach, but it won't harm anyone!"
The cement golem didn't resist. It obediently lowered its head and kept its mouth shut.
Seeing how obedient the golem was, everybody was relieved. Jane stepped closer to the golem and inspected it. Noticing that it had the physique of a muscular man, she secretly glanced at its crotch.
It had no genitalia.
Jane was slightly disappointed. She wished that it had THAT thing.
"Felix."
"Yeah?"
"Can't you create THAT for him? He looks miserable without one."
"And why the heck does he need it?"
"…Oh. I was thinking if I could jiggle his balls when I had nothing to do."
"…"
This made Felix frown deeply. He smacked Jane's head with a karate chop.
"Behave, or I'll rail you until your belly is bigger than your head."
Instead of being sorry, Jane licked her lips, "…Weeeeeeell. Maybe I should be a little naughty and start dressing promiscuously-"
Felix rolled his eyes and carried her on his shoulder like a caveman, dragging her into the house. Locking the automatic glass doors behind him, he brought the cheating wife upstairs to give her a thorough punishment.
Meanwhile, the cement golem raised his head and looked behind him. 10 light beams suddenly descended from the sky and landed in front of the golem. When the beams faded, 10 boxes of pizzas were on the floor, waiting for Felix to claim it. On top of the boxes, the receipt was in Felix's name, and they were already paid.
The golem nonchalantly carried the pizza boxes and entered the building through the underground parking lot entrance. Copying his master, he pulled down the shutter door from the ceiling and locked it.
As for the pizzas, they arrived at Felix's new bedroom, where the newlywed couple was busy enjoying their honeymoon activities.
…
As the warm and happy family silently minded their business, every townspeople came to see the new building. Onlookers gossiped and speculated as usual, but it got worse when Roland and Robert arrived.
As soon as Robert arrived and noticed that Felix had renovated the entire building into a mysterious square block, he immediately announced the owner's identity to the public. Taking advantage of the situation, Robert claimed that Felix was a mage working for the Lundop House.
That day, the name "Felix Ariel" became the center of all attention. At the same time, several alley rats quickly left the city to report the urgent news to their master.
At midnight of the same day, a man in peasant clothes arrived at a lonely campsite at the heart of the purple forest. When the man inhaled the purple miasma of the forest, he transformed into a werewolf. Approaching the camp, the werewolf strode toward the tent and knelt, informing its master.
"Master Joxonu, this is Taylor. I've come to make a report."
Despite the inappropriate time, the black mage was still awake. He came out of his tent and questioned his subordinate.
"What did you find?"
"The man responsible for the heaven's lights is a new mage of the Lundop House. His name is Felix Ariel."
Joxonu nodded, "What is his rank? What is his element?"
"For that, I don't know. I can't sense his mana."
"No mana? Oh, probably a concealment spell or an artifact."
This wasn't the first time that Joxonu heard about a mage with no mana. From his experience, only high-leveled mages like him or war veterans who fought at Crimson Desert conceal their mana with a concealment artifact or by relying on specific spells. After all, most mages could only use one element, nobody wanted to reveal their weaknesses to their opponents.
"Who else is working for that mage?" Joxonu needed more information.
"I noticed that he has a wife. She's a commoner, though."
"A commoner? A mage taking a commoner as a partner? Ha! Is he from Eleanor Church?"
"…I don't think he's a priest, sir. He doesn't wear a white robe or flaunt his status like the other priests."
"…This is odd. Not an Eleanor priest, not a tower mage, not a court mage… Is he from Crimson Desert?"
"His skin is not red."
"Hmm. Mysterious, very mysterious."
Joxonu squinted his brows. He turned around and entered his tent. While going back, he ordered Taylor, "Go back to the city and continue monitoring him. Find out what kind of magic he uses. If better, identify his element."
"Understood." Taylor stood up and sprinted back to the city.
After his subordinate had left, Joxonu contemplated his plans. According to the agreement with Bill Turo, he would help the Turo House attack Terra City this week. However, the appearance of an unknown mage changed everything.
If the mage was weaker than him, the plan wouldn't change. But in this case, Joxonu couldn't help but be cautious. He needed more information about Felix before he could make a move.
'A war mage from the front line? So that's why he can use that mysterious light. We need to change our battle plan.'
Joxonu closed his eyes. Casting his spell, his entire body sank into his shadow, teleporting him to meet his employer at another military camp.
…
The next morning, Felix visited the rooftop for the first time and witnessed the distortion of the space around him. Looking at the other buildings, he saw nothing but distorted houses and absurdly tall people walking around. Felix felt like he had epilepsy or schizophrenia. He didn't realize that, from other people's perspectives, the entire rooftop's facilities and the people were invisible.
Despite the strange anomaly, Felix turned his head away and went to the helicopter pad. He sat there at the center and started smoking. For the moment, Felix couldn't enter the essence stone room and smoke inside yet as he was still vulnerable to the radiation. He needed to reach level 11 to be safe.
While Felix continued grinding his level, a military force from Aero Academy City assembled and marched along the dirt road that Felix and Roland had used. They were expected to arrive in three days.
The number of the Turo House's troops was 1,000, not including aura knights and mages.