Chapter 7. Maybe...
I stop in front of my house door. What should I say to Cloe?
I do not want to stay here. I take out my phone and sit to talk with weird people on the internet. I don't know how many people remain outside looking for someone to exchange conversations with.
I want to talk with someone. I don't want to feel... alone, I guess. I don't remember when the last time was... I do.
I am bad. I know this.
When I was a kid, I broke a cup over another kid's head on Mother's Day.
I was in love with a girl, but she had an accident and pushed away my feelings because of her scar.
I had a girlfriend, Vivian. She had sex with my friend in college, the only one. I watched as men took her little sister to the town graveyard. The next day, my mother told me how four men had...
She ended her life because the guilty of leaving her sister alone, but I still have a strong aversion to the name Vivian. I cannot let away the feeling of being too easy with her.
And years later. I begin a relationship with Vivia's sister...
I don't know if I do it for guilt, pity, or vengeance. It was a good relationship until the fake god came. She kills herself.
I never forgive her for leaving me alone. I understood she had a bad time for me, but I didn't care.
What am I supposed to say to our son?
'She died because you left us alone. I left her to be ****d because my vengeance and your "dead" be too much for her. I let the bad get away without consequences.'
How can I be forgiven?
Didn't you think of him?
He will come back hoping to find his mother. Instead, he will find only me, the second choice. He will blame me for letting you die.
.
.
.
.
I want my kid with me...
He was such a good boy...
He was playing with my phone before that bastard took him. I hope the fake god is real and saves him from the apocalypse.
But I know you're not my god.
At least...
I don't consider you mine.
I never prayed for you. I will do whatever it takes to keep my family safe when my son comes back. He won't find anyone else dead.
If he never comes back...
.
.
.
** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **
The last few days have been hard for me. The memories of my son came back, and none of them can be forgotten. I must keep myself busy to avoid being stuck in my life... again.
I have received the silent treat for Cloe. It's not that I know what to say to her, but I am mostly okay with this end. In the last few days, some people have died hunting slaves. The good thing is... They are not looking so often for others.
The problem is that we have issues with our neighborhoods... again. And I don't know what to do. I should try to improve our town, but I am afraid of what they will ask me. And I am not in my best days to go ahead with them.
I miss Onelio. He was one of the normal ones in this place. At least he will say something to keep my mind busy. Everyone was damaged. In one way or another, this strange word has been for the fake good.
"Are you gay or something?" I was making Maria's deal in her house. And I was talking to the people there, but Maria moved me away from them.
"Sometimes at the months. Why?" I won't go to the half of men of your group.
She looks at me with dead eyes. What? I like women with dick. I am not so gay to be bisexual.
"When would you have sex with them?" She points at her group.
"Did they try to find me? No, I am not forcing anyone to have sex with me." I look at her face... She is angry. " Can you look at my face? I am not handsome or something. If I get into a relationship, it would be because of my words, money, and power. "
'Or trauma'
She stays quiet. I am so lost right now. I thought she brought me to her house because she wanted them to be able to talk with men.
Maria has a manic episode or... she wants me to have sex with them. You have that fetish. You know that I need to be your boyfriend.
"I don't care. You can do whatever you want, but you must come every week. Clear? "
"Clear like the water." I give her the salute of a soldier.
We stay silent for a time, and I come with the others because she doesn't say anything. I don't talk with them, but they let me hear their conversation. This reminds me of my time in school.
I heard others while pretending we were friends. I had good times and memories in my childhood. I would have to talk with people at the times.
If you are an adult and awkward you are weak in the eyes of the people.
I listened to others while pretending we were friends. I had good times and made memories during my childhood. I would have liked to connect with people back then.
If you have communication problems as an kid, people may see you as weird. I wish I could relive my childhood to talk with others.
I would love to know it before and would teach my son. I always waited for the judgment of my actions, but the world was torn away before I got it.
No one tries anything with me for the rest of the day, and they stop giving me the death stare. So, I have new people to chat with... a group of crazy people, but someone to talk to.
"I have to talk with Cloe," I said aloud going home. " I need it... she doesn't, but I do."
If I can fix this... In the future, my son would be at my next.
Maybe...