He hoped no one else besides his best friend and mother could see right through him so easily. At times they even seemed to know things about him before he did and that was exceptionally frustrating. He took a bite out of the dark brown cookie his sister gave him, it was pretty good. He sat down at his desk and looked out the window at the dukedom, the lands stretching as far as his eyes could see and further still. The tops of buildings in towns held an unseen mass of people, all of which he was responsible for.
All of which would suffer under his uncle if things didn't change.
If he continued to fight and ignore the council on all matters he considered unnecessary, like his public image and finding a wife he would lose the support he did have. And they had at least some reason to worry he admitted. If they went to war again, he would leave and might not come back, which might not be a huge problem if his uncle wasn't the current heir and then his kids after him; and if anything they were even worse than him.
He'd liked his oldest cousin, who'd been just a year younger than him. But he'd joined the war too. His cousin had been so excited to serve under him. Having been there a year already, he'd learned it wasn't as fun as the war games they'd played as kids, nor did the glory outweigh the horrors and he'd tried to explain, tried to do what he could to prepare him and protect him… But in the end, it hadn't been enough.
His uncle likely blamed him for his eldest son's death, and he had a right to hate him. But he didn't have a right to the lands and people, not when he sought to exploit them and not when he was unwilling to fight for them. Yes, his uncle ran things fairly well while he and his father were at war, but only because his brother was still alive and checking on things; keeping him in check.
Things changed almost the moment he'd gotten news of his elder brother's death. The whole council was aware of it too. Unfortunately, under his uncle's governance, many of them stood to profit a lot more, right along with him. More unfortunately still, most of them didn't care that that extra profit would come at the expense of the people's well-being.
No, he needed to stop his uncle's bid for his position, and he needed to somehow win the trust of the council members who opposed his uncle.
Unfortunately just because they didn't like the idea of his uncle as Duke, it didn't mean they liked the Idea of him as Duke either. He hadn't exactly put much effort into changing their minds either... other than by doing his best to keep the dukedom afloat without causing unnecessary harm to the lower class. He'd thought that should count the most, yet it alone wasn't enough.
Just because his idea had been impulsive and a bit crazy didn't mean it was bad or doomed to fail. He had made countless impulsive or on-the-spot life-altering decisions on the battlefield and his intuition had kept him and the majority of his men alive, all this extra time thinking about things had him second-guessing himself, that and the fact he knew there was something emotional driving his decision; and that scared him.
But why? Hadn't every decision he'd made throughout the war been one's driven by even stronger emotions? The need to protect his friends and the men he lived with, worked with, saw every day, and fought beside. He cared about them and his decisions always focused on how best to accomplish their goal while also protecting them. Those feelings were familiar, he trusted them, and although there was a desire to protect this girl, the other feelings he couldn't quite describe were foreign. The unknown could be a terrifying thing, but hiding or running from it was rarely useful.
Maybe he did need to get to know her better and know his own feelings better. Then maybe he could make the decisions he needed to without second-guessing himself. He was in a new war now, one with a lot less bloodshed, and much less immediate consequences, But a war with lives on the line nonetheless. If he was going to lead this war to protect his people, he didn't just need to study up on his enemies, but also his allies, both foreign and domestic.
He took the last bite of his cookie and realized he did feel better… The view from the window seemed less daunting and hope replaced the discontent. Was it his own, thoughts that brought him to this point? His mother's words? His sister's cookie? Or perhaps the combination he mused. He shook his head, that part didn't matter, he needed to get back to work.
Two days later he would hold an informal council meeting to go over some changes he intended to make over the next couple of months, from another slight tax cut back after the heavy taxes during the war to possible changes in important positions within the estate. Both he knew would face high opposition, so he would need his arguments to be strong and flawless.
Many of the council members worked in said high positions and wouldn't like the idea they might be removed from their posts. Though his announcement to hire a real secretary or two would likely be met with enthusiasm.
He decided to end on the announcement that he would be taking some leave to go calling on the lady of his interest. And the possibility of taking time to attend the Frost Moon Ball. This way they couldn't criticize him for not telling them, those who were not in his uncle's pocket might consider backing him, and most importantly, he could flee any questions or arguments by leaving the room and soon after the estate since he would not be mentioning when exactly he'd be leaving... Yes, that should do it he thought diving deep into his work.