"Anyways, I'm really sorry for dragging you into this, it was a crazy Idea, and I probably shouldn't have gone through with it…I"
He raised an eyebrow before remembering she wouldn't be able to see it under his patch and hood. So added "Probably?" He liked that he didn't need to sat much to get her to talk but she also had a way about her that made conversation seem less repulsive.
"Alright, I definitely shouldn't have done it, and well, thank you for saving me… I don't want to even imagine what would have happened if you hadn't shown up…" she said.
He just nodded, thinking about the sword to the heart and the knife to the wrist, if she could have avoided its teeth and other paw until its brain began to shut down and managed to get out from underneath it she might have been fine, or at least alive… 'might', there was no way of knowing what could have happened and he knew better than to start thinking of Ifs.
like if he'd only been quicker to reach his best friend. If he'd been with his father. If he'd given a different order… they could go on forever. And if he hadn't come here, he wouldn't have had to relive so much today, part of him wished, he'd never come… but not if the girl hadn't been able to survive it on her own.
Guilt threatened to overwhelm him. Her brother had asked him to make sure she was okay.
He'd verified that she'd had other family to take care of her as he had for all the kids and spouses of his and his father's men that weren't able to make it back, but that's not all her brother had meant and he knew it. He just didn't want to face others personally if it could in any way be avoided.
How was he supposed to face his best friend's little sister and tell her he'd failed to keep him alive? That he hadn't even tried to stop her father from going on that suicide mission knowing it would orphan her? How did he apologize for not going even once in the last year to check on her knowing she didn't even have a mother like he and his sister had, and she'd just lost both the people she was closest to? He was a poor commander and a shitty friend. He'd avoided her so thoroughly he hadn't even recognized her. His best friend was probably cursing him from beyond the grave for not keeping his promise to look after her.
"Um, My Lord, do you know what you want of me in return for my life debt?"
"No" he answered simply. He hadn't thought of it at all because the idea seemed beyond ridiculous.
"I could make a good secret guard, assassins would never expect an armed maid. No, that would never work that was a stupid Idea. Maybe I could, no… unless I'm disguised as a boy there's not much I can do, but I can't think of a way that would work out, but I'd be pretty useless as a girl. God, I sound so stupid, please forget I opened my mouth." she said her hands covering her face, but her ears had turned a vibrant red.
He raised an unseen eyebrow again at her suggestion but said nothing, this time his silence might actually be appreciated he thought.
Life debts were a bit old-fashioned and after being in a war, he would owe several, and many would owe him if that was something that was still done. However, since he couldn't think of a morally acceptable punishment to give a 15-year-old lady he figured it'd be punishment enough to make her sweat it out for a while, combine that with the wound on her arm that would likely leave a lasting scar and he considered it more than enough as long as she didn't do it again. at least it wasn't part of some diabolical plan from his political opposition.
"We're nearing halfway, you should dawn your disguise," he said grabbing her fox so she could do so.
She dawned her father's re-tailored uniform but when she went to dawn the face mask she gagged, likely at the stench of blood so close to her nose and mouth and the memory of choking on it. "Give it here" he ordered holding out his hand expectantly. She sheepishly handed it over and he stuffed it in his pocket, then he pulled the one off his face and handed it to her. He quickly pulled his hood back up discomforted by her staring but when he looked back there was no fear, or disgust just simple curiosity; that he had no idea how to respond to.
"Thank you," she said sounding a little embarrassed but dawning it anyway. She left it loose around her neck rather than pulling it up over her nose, and she left the hood of her cloak down too, but as there were still no signs of people he didn't push. She grabbed the fox from him and they resumed their trek threw the woods. Less than a minute later she asked "Why do you even bother wearing a mask if all you have is but a simple scar? Your face isn't disfigured at all the way the rumors claim."
Again he wasn't sure what to say. Was it her that was simply baffling or was it that he simply had no practice conversing with people anymore?
"I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure you have your reason and I get I have no right to even ask, I just wondered since it just makes you look tougher, and doesn't take away from your good looks at all. Is it because you want people to fear you?" she asked then immediately said, "Sorry, I did it again, I shouldn't have asked that."
Just a scar? His own mother had been horrified to the point of tears when she first saw his face and she still didn't like to look him in the eyes, especially the one he usually kept covered. The maids and even some of the men on his staff were much the same. The scar on his cheek was as wide as his thumb and stretched from the base of his jaw to the top of his cheekbone. Had she not seen the scar on the other side of his face that was too long for his eye patch to cover completely?
Did she really not find it at all disturbing? And had she said he had 'good looks'? Well, she was odd for a girl since gutting an animal didn't seem to bother her either, and it's not like her father had been without scars. She also didn't seem too worried about the potential scar on her arm. But he didn't think anyone had claimed he had 'good looks' before.
Some adults had commented on some of his better features when he was little but usually followed it up with something along the lines of 'too bad his miss-matched eyes are so unsettling'. Although his one blue Eye was always hidden now under the patch, the patch was just as unbalanced and unsettling. Even to his own eyes, he looked like a classic fairytale villain or some rough sword for hire. what would high society say about her new scar? Would she never be able to wear a summer dress that showed her arms without facing judgment?
He worriedly tried to check her arm but it was on the other side of her and instead, he just caught her looking at him as she quickly glanced the other way her ears and neck turning pink. Was his lack of response really that embarrassing to her? Or was it just her running mouth she was embarrassed by he wondered with a small smile.
"Mask and hood up, and no more talking for now. The closer we get to the edge of the forest the more you risk us getting caught," he said and she complied quickly suddenly less interested in searching the woods.
"I'll go with you as a guard, it's not uncommon for guards or servants to help their masters with this sort of thing… but please don't get off your horse once we're in public view," he added trying to come up with things to say to keep her from feeling too anxious.
"Why?" she asked then slapped a hand over her face making him grin again at her needless worry about asking questions, it wasn't like he'd told her she couldn't.
"Because, if anyone sees you standing on the ground it will be quite apparent that you are not nearly tall enough to be me," he said a note of mirth in his tone for the first time in a long time.
"Yes, of course, Your Grace. That's why I stayed atop my horse and as far away from everyone else as possible before the competition began."
He nodded, "and my horse and I will travel a ways behind you to prevent a direct size comparison. Your horse is also small." he added wondering if her ears were pink again as she discreetly looked away.
They walked in silence until his personal guard caught up to them.
"My Lord… what, exactly is going on…" he asked eyeing them and their game.
"I'll fill you in on the details later, but for now, the best way out of this mess is to continue the charade. If a Duke suddenly goes missing, it will cause more of a headache. I'll pretend to be a guard until 'my' disappearance won't cause a panic. Then, I'll meet you where we ate earlier." he ordered.
"As you will, my lord," he said and melted back into the trees. Not long after he ordered the lady who dared pretend to be him atop her horse. The horse struggled under the added weight but kept going, luckily there was not that far left to go. His own horse was growing slick with sweat as it pulled the bear behind it with all its might. And he walked beside it with the other deer over his shoulders.